a weird thing happened to me Friday morning. I woke up and the first thought i had was... brace yourselves... "I miss Hotsauce (the ex-fiancee)". Second thought was "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY??". then i thought about it. i don't miss Hotsauce the person but i do miss the relationship i had with hotsauce. i actually was feeling a little depressed about it. we had such a great relationship for so long... we did stuff together... fun stuff, corny stuff, boring stuff. we talked. he really was my best friend. I just feel like i am never gonna find that again. i mean it has only been 2 years since we broke up so i know that doesn't mean there is no hope in finding someone new. i just feel like the chances are slim. We would go to museums, all the new releases at the movies... on nice days, we would go to the park and shoot free throws... sit on the swings and talk and laugh. he didn't begrudge my nerd tendencies. didn't get mad when i watched the history channel or discovery... he wasn't put off by my quirks... i still don't know what happened to that relationship. now don't get me wrong... i in NO WAY want Hotsauce back, i do want to have a relationship like that again though. i want to love someone and i want someone to love me. not with conditions or restrictions, but with unconditional, passionate, romantic, uncompromising love. i want a relationship where i get as much as i give. i just don't know that i am going to find that. at least not anytime soon. and i know what they say, you'll find it when you least expect it or when you are not looking. but i don't know that i will ever be not looking or not hoping. I am getting used to being single, to going to weddings by myself, to going to the movies with my roommate, to having to hear about everyone elses relationships. One thing i will say, i am not willing to settle. i love intensely and completely and i deserve the same in return... the thing is, is there a man out there that isn't intimidated by all that is.... me??
maybe one day...
***disclaimer for the arteest in case he reads this... no i do not expect you to fill this position so DON'T TRIP! just disclosing some real stuff that goes on in my crazy head at times****
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I hear you. It gets hard being single but with the ex, one day you'll find closure. They say it takes 1/2 as long to get over someone as the time you were together...so you have what 2 more years?
Time flies by!
I swear I just thought about that the night before...I miss my ex...during certain times. And I'd like to watch the History Channel with her...but I dunno. I know that she wasn't the right fit for me, so I have to hold on, and persevere.
Post a Comment