well...

if i have to go to another graduation, i may have to slit my wrists... just may. uhhhhhhh boring. i mean i am excited for the graduates but hearing people's names being butchered for hours is not my idea of fun.

so my parents were stuck in traffic yesterday for hours because apparently someone tried to jump off of the Delaware Memorial Bridge yesterday... like why?
anyway, my dad says: they should have just let him jump.
so i said: well he didn't really want to do it because if he did, there wouldn't have been enough time to talk... climb over the barrier and jump... what's with the hold up??
daddy: and why did he have to pick rush hour to do it? that was rude. i just want to get to where i'm going.
me: **laughing hysterically**
my brother: ya'll are ignorant.

then i felt bad... i guess i do have a morbid sense of humor but i mean seriously... why rush hour?? you must have wanted someone to stop you. i mean i have never been suicidal so it's hard for me to understand that frame of mind but i would think if i was going to do it, i would just do it and get it over with. i don't want to seem callous or insensitive because i do have pity and a sincere sadness for people who really feel like they have no options. i can't imagine being in such despair... but being the contradictory person that i am... i still found some humor in it... i know i am a bad person...

so i have been pondering something... when do i stop caring what other people think or will think about something? i mean at the end of the day i am the only one who has to deal with the consequences of my choices... whether they be beneficial or detremental... i know this but it is still so hard for me to throw caution to the wind and just say eff it. like i really don't want to disappoint anyone... especially my family and friends who were there for me through my roughest patches. the very people that just want the best for me and don't want to see me hurt.... again.... and if i do get hurt again, they will be the same ones there to help me pick up the pieces... but where do i draw the line? When do i stop letting people's opinions dictate my life?