as far as the miss new booty situation... the results are slow but i am sooooo not sticking to my meal plan. I told my trainer that i was not gonna be back on track until Jan. I knew Thanksgiving and Christmas were gonna have me off my game and well... i've pretty much been eating what i want since nov. so starting in Jan, I am going to be serious about my meal plan again, and keeping a food journal. that should be helpful. the good news is, even with the cheating, the results are apparently showing. this morning, a co-worker who i barely know, came over to me and said, "girl i just had to say something because i keep seeing you losing weight like crazy. what are you doing?"
so i responded, "thank you so much! i am working out twice a week with a trainer!"
so she says,"well it shows... i've been noticing for a couple weeks now you keep getting smaller. you go girl!! keep it up!"
That was so encouraging! it did make me smile! i can tell in how my clothes fit and stuff but i didn't really think it was that noticable...
so as you all read on Chris' blog... yes we are engaged. I am excited and happy and looking forward to our life together. I know it's not going to all be peaches and cream and i know there are gonna be rough patches and times when we are going to be overwhelmed and disenchanted. But i also know that I am strong enough to deal with the challenges... and smart enough to not let the little things turn into big things. I know Chris and I still have a lot to learn about each other and that learning process will be ongoing. I also know that we have love, respect, and communication in our favor so as we learn each other and as we continue to grow and experience the ups and the downs that come with all relationships, we will be come more complete individuals. we balance each other out... I feel calm around him and we enjoy being around each other in silence or in conversation... it's just a dope relationship and a dope feeling to be appreciated and to know that you are with the right person.
I'll recap Christmas later... gotta get back to work.
Oh, but I can't leave close this post without giving a big shout out to Poppa C! HA HAAA!!! I'm just kidding... Luv ya!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
bah humbug
it's Christmas Eve and here I am, at work.... miserable. this place is absolute torture. I can not understand why people feel the need to call here and harass me over foolishness. For example, the customer I have on hold now wants a supervisor because we charged her for directory assistance. seriously. i'm like lady beat it. we have been charging for 411 for a long time and you are not getting a credit. she is retarded. it just irks me to my core to have to do this all day. and it has the nerve to be busy. like.... shouldn't people be out buying or wrapping gifts or something??
on another note, why are the meteorologists on the news so dang dramatic? this morning, i was watching the news and they were saying how there was a ice storm over night and all the roads are covered in black ice so if you don't have to leave the house, stay in. yeah well i decided to go to work anyway, and not only was there no ice, but i got to work faster than ever. granted there weren't a lot of people on the roads but still... way overly dramatic weather forecast this morning. I guess the northern part of the state was more affected than the southern...
there really is a lot on my mind right now... i just don't know where to begin and i don't want to offend anyone so i am gonna just sit with my thoughts a while. when i figure out how to say what i want to say, i'll update...
on another note, why are the meteorologists on the news so dang dramatic? this morning, i was watching the news and they were saying how there was a ice storm over night and all the roads are covered in black ice so if you don't have to leave the house, stay in. yeah well i decided to go to work anyway, and not only was there no ice, but i got to work faster than ever. granted there weren't a lot of people on the roads but still... way overly dramatic weather forecast this morning. I guess the northern part of the state was more affected than the southern...
there really is a lot on my mind right now... i just don't know where to begin and i don't want to offend anyone so i am gonna just sit with my thoughts a while. when i figure out how to say what i want to say, i'll update...
Saturday, December 13, 2008
sooooo
i'm at work on a saturday... booooo
this is absolute torture. but whatever. i'll live.
I have almost NO Christmas shopping done. I know what I am getting everyone... just haven't really purchased that much... I have all the M.A.C. gift sets i am giving out... and I was done shopping for Chris in like oct. my mom wants a kitchenaid mixer with the pasta attachment so me and lil sis are splitting that. all of my nephews are getting sneakers from me. my two god daughters will probably get gold earrings or maybe a cross pendant... I'll probably get my dad like some quality cognac or something... i dunno. i know what i'm getting momma e but i can't say cuz she reads this sometimes! lol...
i have no idea what i am getting poppa c (ha haaa) or my room mate... no clue. what really sucks is that i am just gonna have to power shop next weekend because i have no other time to do it.
anyway enough about that.
I am going to see Cirque de Soleil in Atlantic City tonight. I am somewhat excited. It's bizarre that I am even going though to be honest. my friend s sent an email to me and pink shoes/scrabble girl asking would we go to the show. but i must have misunderstood because i thought she was asking like would i go theoretically like would i go ever in life. so pink shoes said the same thing and then like a week later, s emails us again like okay girls i got us tickets to go on the 13th. so i was confused because how do you just pick a date and buy tickets without saying anything. i have no clue what she was thinking but i felt obligated to go. i'm sure it will be fun but i am tired... lol. so anyway a few weeks after she bought our tickets, she saw people selling them online for like $400 each. tickets in our section which were $30 were now $400. so of course you know what i said... sell my ticket immediately. but s physically has the tickets and didn't want to sell them. she's like "i really want to go" aaargh. so whatever. i'm going. i'll have fun. we are supposed to go to dinner first at my current fave restaurant in the quarter. carmine's...
mmm mmmmm mmmmmm!
until next time amigos...
this is absolute torture. but whatever. i'll live.
I have almost NO Christmas shopping done. I know what I am getting everyone... just haven't really purchased that much... I have all the M.A.C. gift sets i am giving out... and I was done shopping for Chris in like oct. my mom wants a kitchenaid mixer with the pasta attachment so me and lil sis are splitting that. all of my nephews are getting sneakers from me. my two god daughters will probably get gold earrings or maybe a cross pendant... I'll probably get my dad like some quality cognac or something... i dunno. i know what i'm getting momma e but i can't say cuz she reads this sometimes! lol...
i have no idea what i am getting poppa c (ha haaa) or my room mate... no clue. what really sucks is that i am just gonna have to power shop next weekend because i have no other time to do it.
anyway enough about that.
I am going to see Cirque de Soleil in Atlantic City tonight. I am somewhat excited. It's bizarre that I am even going though to be honest. my friend s sent an email to me and pink shoes/scrabble girl asking would we go to the show. but i must have misunderstood because i thought she was asking like would i go theoretically like would i go ever in life. so pink shoes said the same thing and then like a week later, s emails us again like okay girls i got us tickets to go on the 13th. so i was confused because how do you just pick a date and buy tickets without saying anything. i have no clue what she was thinking but i felt obligated to go. i'm sure it will be fun but i am tired... lol. so anyway a few weeks after she bought our tickets, she saw people selling them online for like $400 each. tickets in our section which were $30 were now $400. so of course you know what i said... sell my ticket immediately. but s physically has the tickets and didn't want to sell them. she's like "i really want to go" aaargh. so whatever. i'm going. i'll have fun. we are supposed to go to dinner first at my current fave restaurant in the quarter. carmine's...
mmm mmmmm mmmmmm!
until next time amigos...
Monday, December 08, 2008
maybe i am bi-polar...
cuz i definitely don't feel like continuing my rant from before...
i do, however, feel like talking about how much I despise my job. I mean they pay me remarkably well (I made just about 80k my first year), and the benefits are fantastic but the job itself is ridiculous. no it's not even the job, it's the work environment. It is so unbelievable negative... the morale is non-existant. the reason is some people get away with muder while others are being susp and fired for the alightest infraction. And our union does nothing about it because the people getting away with murder are union members as well. It is just so unbelievably disheartening. seriously. but i can't leave. not right now anyway... i know i would be hard-pressed to find a job paying me what i am making now without a college degree. And aside from the pay, I've won a ridiculous amount of stuff over the last 3 years... a wii, 3 tv's, 2 laptops, an 80 gig iPod, maybe about 2k in gift cards macy's, foot locker, etc. I love all of that. I love winning prizes... I got the majority of that in my first year and a half. the perverbial well seems to have dried up. and on top of that they are now routing our sales calls overseas and to 3rd party vendors so they don't have to pay out commission. and that is fine if that is what the corporation deems necessary. but in the last year and a half outr sales objectives have quadrupled (not exaggerating) with less payout and less sales opportunities. to top it off, we get to deal with the backlash of the vendors making up prices and telling the customers whatever they want to hear... whether it's true or not. i can't stand it. i dread coming into work. I start half-way having anxiety attacks on sunday nights thinking about coming to work on monday... something has got to give. at what point to i put my mental health and well-being over "stuff"? I am not going to make any rash decisions... I am gonna stick it out and pray for the best... I don't want to leave Verizon necessarily but I do need to get a new position STAT... uhgggg
on a completely different note... have you ever seen someone's ex and gotten mad at them for even talking to someone so atrocious? like how annoying is that? am i the only one that gets mad at that? ha haaa... especially if there was no personality to make up for it... just completely wack on every level...
fin.
i do, however, feel like talking about how much I despise my job. I mean they pay me remarkably well (I made just about 80k my first year), and the benefits are fantastic but the job itself is ridiculous. no it's not even the job, it's the work environment. It is so unbelievable negative... the morale is non-existant. the reason is some people get away with muder while others are being susp and fired for the alightest infraction. And our union does nothing about it because the people getting away with murder are union members as well. It is just so unbelievably disheartening. seriously. but i can't leave. not right now anyway... i know i would be hard-pressed to find a job paying me what i am making now without a college degree. And aside from the pay, I've won a ridiculous amount of stuff over the last 3 years... a wii, 3 tv's, 2 laptops, an 80 gig iPod, maybe about 2k in gift cards macy's, foot locker, etc. I love all of that. I love winning prizes... I got the majority of that in my first year and a half. the perverbial well seems to have dried up. and on top of that they are now routing our sales calls overseas and to 3rd party vendors so they don't have to pay out commission. and that is fine if that is what the corporation deems necessary. but in the last year and a half outr sales objectives have quadrupled (not exaggerating) with less payout and less sales opportunities. to top it off, we get to deal with the backlash of the vendors making up prices and telling the customers whatever they want to hear... whether it's true or not. i can't stand it. i dread coming into work. I start half-way having anxiety attacks on sunday nights thinking about coming to work on monday... something has got to give. at what point to i put my mental health and well-being over "stuff"? I am not going to make any rash decisions... I am gonna stick it out and pray for the best... I don't want to leave Verizon necessarily but I do need to get a new position STAT... uhgggg
on a completely different note... have you ever seen someone's ex and gotten mad at them for even talking to someone so atrocious? like how annoying is that? am i the only one that gets mad at that? ha haaa... especially if there was no personality to make up for it... just completely wack on every level...
fin.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
i promise i am not bi-polar...
But I do feel much better... we talked about it and I choose to forgive and move on. I did however, start thinking about different type of women and why some are so willing to settle for whatever they can get. I have at least one friend that could fit in every category i am about to talk about. and believe me, I am not jusging necessarily... just curious as to what makes these hoes tick. lol
seriously though. the first group i want to talk about are the emotionally competitive folk. these are the chicks that are not interested in a dude until he is interested in someone else. is it the "want what you can't have" syndrome? this is pretty annoying... i mean, if someone is trying to date you, talk to you, whatever, and you are blowing them off, making plans and flaking, etc., why do you think that person would continue to pursue you. the chase is only fun for a while then it gets old. now i call these people emotionally competitive because as soon as the dude starts showing interest in someone else, all of a sudden, they want to start calling and asking for kisses and shit. that is retarded. it would be one thing if you actually liked the dude but if you are just trying to throw him some play because his affection is elsewhere, that is selfish and ridiculous. how little you must think of yourself if you need someone else's interest to make you feel good. even if you are not interested back. this type of title can also be extended to the girls that wants everyone in the room to want them. this is the chick that is cool as hell until a penis walks into the room and then they turn into a seductress. I do have a friend that does not like any dudes until someone else in our group shows interest first. then she makes it a point to try to get with the dude first whether she really likes them or not. that is crazy to me. she even went so far as asking my ex-fiancee, while we were still together, if he wanted to sleep with her. she just needed the satisfaction of knowing everyone in the room wanted to screw her. that is weird. and yes i did check her on that. what i want to say to this type of woman is: Learn to validate yourself. Don't depend on men's attention to make you feel like you are pretty or desirable. know that ish in your head. If you think you are hot, everyone else will too. and there won't be a need for you to act like a whore to get attention.
NEXT
Tramps- these people, I have no patience for. tramps like to screw unavailable dudes, just to see if they can. again they are usually not even interested in the guy they are messing with. just want to see if they can. they get some sort of sick satisfaction out of knowing they got someone to cheat on the person they claim to love. they are the ones you hear saying, "well if she was all that, why he with me?". HE'S NOT WITH YOU... He is using you as much as you think you are using him. wake the hell up. getting someone to sleep with you does not make you special. it makes you easy and of low morals and a TRAMP!. I want to say to these chicks: Stop being #2. Please take a dollar and go buy yourself some self-esteem. know that you are worth more than just being someone's side jawn. want more for yourself... and for those of you that are saying, oh but it's just sex. stop lying to yourself... you can not just sleep with someone repeatedly and not become attached to them emotionally... which is how people end up being mistresses for years. and honestly if it was really just about sex, you can find sex from someone unattached so go fly a kite with that one.
To be continued...
OH btw, I love love love my new google phone! It is the bomb!
seriously though. the first group i want to talk about are the emotionally competitive folk. these are the chicks that are not interested in a dude until he is interested in someone else. is it the "want what you can't have" syndrome? this is pretty annoying... i mean, if someone is trying to date you, talk to you, whatever, and you are blowing them off, making plans and flaking, etc., why do you think that person would continue to pursue you. the chase is only fun for a while then it gets old. now i call these people emotionally competitive because as soon as the dude starts showing interest in someone else, all of a sudden, they want to start calling and asking for kisses and shit. that is retarded. it would be one thing if you actually liked the dude but if you are just trying to throw him some play because his affection is elsewhere, that is selfish and ridiculous. how little you must think of yourself if you need someone else's interest to make you feel good. even if you are not interested back. this type of title can also be extended to the girls that wants everyone in the room to want them. this is the chick that is cool as hell until a penis walks into the room and then they turn into a seductress. I do have a friend that does not like any dudes until someone else in our group shows interest first. then she makes it a point to try to get with the dude first whether she really likes them or not. that is crazy to me. she even went so far as asking my ex-fiancee, while we were still together, if he wanted to sleep with her. she just needed the satisfaction of knowing everyone in the room wanted to screw her. that is weird. and yes i did check her on that. what i want to say to this type of woman is: Learn to validate yourself. Don't depend on men's attention to make you feel like you are pretty or desirable. know that ish in your head. If you think you are hot, everyone else will too. and there won't be a need for you to act like a whore to get attention.
NEXT
Tramps- these people, I have no patience for. tramps like to screw unavailable dudes, just to see if they can. again they are usually not even interested in the guy they are messing with. just want to see if they can. they get some sort of sick satisfaction out of knowing they got someone to cheat on the person they claim to love. they are the ones you hear saying, "well if she was all that, why he with me?". HE'S NOT WITH YOU... He is using you as much as you think you are using him. wake the hell up. getting someone to sleep with you does not make you special. it makes you easy and of low morals and a TRAMP!. I want to say to these chicks: Stop being #2. Please take a dollar and go buy yourself some self-esteem. know that you are worth more than just being someone's side jawn. want more for yourself... and for those of you that are saying, oh but it's just sex. stop lying to yourself... you can not just sleep with someone repeatedly and not become attached to them emotionally... which is how people end up being mistresses for years. and honestly if it was really just about sex, you can find sex from someone unattached so go fly a kite with that one.
To be continued...
OH btw, I love love love my new google phone! It is the bomb!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
stormy weather...
disappointment is very hard to swallow at times. I'm learning to lower my expectations to avoid being hurt. I've always thought the majority of people were inherently good and there were really just a few that weren't. that opinion is changing more and more each day. can anyone be trusted anymore? With all I've been through in life, I've managed to stay open to people and optimistic. but this... this may be the proverbial last straw. I don't want to become jaded or bitter... this too shall pass right? I don't want to lose my trust in people all together... i just don't know what to do. i mean. i know i want to forgive and move forward. i just don't know how. i don't know how to absorb the hurt and the pain spiraling through my body and refocus it to something positive. i don't know how to not let this affect my level of trust. i am like thinking about it obsessively. the more i try to not think about it, the more i start thinking of possible scenarios. possible outcomes... my imagination is running out of control. do i just close myself off? become a cold, hollow shell of my former self? that so goes against the very fabric of my person.
i'm done.
the end.
i'm done.
the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
