thanks nas for today's title...
this really isn't going to be as deep as the title implies... but i am stressed out. this strike business is getting to me. well not yet but i have been a slave to verizon for the past 4 years and to think these n-words don't want to agree to any of the improvements requested for our contract. i can even understand not wanting to agree to new amendments to the contract, but they also don't want to agree to extend the contract with the current terms.... sometimes i feel like maybe we are asking too much since our benefits are 100% paid for and verizon pays tuition upfront and books... and my base salary is fantastic... especially since this is a sales job and i make commission in addition to my salary. BUT then i come in here and i am a SLAVE to verizon. i am chained to my desk, big brother watches every move, there is no room to breathe, it is HIGH pressure and at the end of the day i am required to make verizon $625k in revenue this month... just like all the rest of the consultants here. we don't get any sick days and there is zero tolerance for lateness... and we get a measly hal hour lunch. my head is usually ready to explode by the time i leave... i earn every penny i get here. so i am a slave to verizon and stressed out and looking forward to striking.
on a much lighter note, i realized yesterday just how sick i am and just how much i need prayer for my love of shoes... me and two of my homies (pink shoes/scrabble girl and Dee) were talking about my new found love of sneakers and dee was saying she wants me to go back to stilettos. pink shoes co-signed... i had to remind them that my shoe collection is still fabulous and i still buy other shoes... i just didn't realize there was a whole sneaker culture and i am totally drawn into it. so the convo eventually progresses to dee asking me if i could get a bmw to trade in all my shoes would i do it. and my answer was honestly no. I actually felt a twinge in my heart when thinking about actually parting with ALL my shoes. simply couldn't do it. but i would think about it really hard... so dee and pink shoes told me i was crazy. which i concede, may be true. BUT i needed stipulations... i mean are we talking a base model 3-series or a fully loade alpina b7?? so i decided i would only be able to part with ALL my shoes for a 745 Li, an Alpina B7, an M6 or an M5, or the hard top convertible (i think 325) fully loaded of course. pink shoes girl still thought i was crazy but then said she wouldn't cut off her hair for a car. and i think that is crazy! i would walk around bald as ghandi for a hyundai accent much less a bmw!! but she said she would give up a toe before her hair because she can disguise not having a toe but not her hair. even though dee pointed out her hair would grow back and her toe wouldn't... so who is really the crazy one??
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
also
i'm thinking about getting an industrial... not sure though
i just don't feel like dealing with the healing process and i would prob only keep it like maybe 3 or 4 years...
i dunno... gotta think about it some more.
this is an industrial
yes or no?
i just don't feel like dealing with the healing process and i would prob only keep it like maybe 3 or 4 years...
i dunno... gotta think about it some more.
this is an industrial
yes or no?
random
i have a few things floating around in my brain...
first things first
so i never talked about this when i came back from florida but i was really weirded out with disney world taking pictures of my fingerprint to get in and out of the various parks. we had park hopper passes so you can go to all the parks in disney as many times as you want. i understand them wanting to make sure people aren't sharing park hoppers but fingerprints? it made me uncomfortable... and the conspiracy theories overwhelmed my brain. i mean it's been a few years since i've been there but when the heck did this start??
that is all i am willing to say about it at the present time because i am slightly paranoid! LOL!
next.
i went to see the x-files movie last night... it was lame... and i am an x-files fan. it wasn't nearly as suspenseful as the episodes were. the only satisfaction in the movie is finally seeing scully and mulder as an actual couple... there weren't even any aliens in it...
next.
so the strike situation doesn't seem to be getting any better. i heard the rally in new york was a success. lots of people showed up... mostly from new york and new england... not so much from new jersey. but it looks like we are definitely going to strike. so we'll see what happens. Verizon postponed payment of our quarterly bonus until 08-06 which will be during strike time so those who don't have computer/internet access are gonna have a harder time cashing out. (we get our payouts in points that can either be converted to cash or gifts/giftcards or combination). people are getting riled up in here. i'll find out saturday at midnight whether we are definitely striking or not... stay tuned
and last
one of the perks of our job is that there is no enforced dress code. we can literally wear whatever we want to work... most people wear jeans and sneaks... casual wear for the most part. but then there are the chickens that come in here like it is club verizon. one chick in particular is always inappropriate. her boobs always almost exposed bouncing around and she walks with her boobs poked out to the front and her butt poked out to the back. it annoys me because it is not cute... it's whorish. this is not the strip club...
UUUHGGG!
first things first
so i never talked about this when i came back from florida but i was really weirded out with disney world taking pictures of my fingerprint to get in and out of the various parks. we had park hopper passes so you can go to all the parks in disney as many times as you want. i understand them wanting to make sure people aren't sharing park hoppers but fingerprints? it made me uncomfortable... and the conspiracy theories overwhelmed my brain. i mean it's been a few years since i've been there but when the heck did this start??
that is all i am willing to say about it at the present time because i am slightly paranoid! LOL!
next.
i went to see the x-files movie last night... it was lame... and i am an x-files fan. it wasn't nearly as suspenseful as the episodes were. the only satisfaction in the movie is finally seeing scully and mulder as an actual couple... there weren't even any aliens in it...
next.
so the strike situation doesn't seem to be getting any better. i heard the rally in new york was a success. lots of people showed up... mostly from new york and new england... not so much from new jersey. but it looks like we are definitely going to strike. so we'll see what happens. Verizon postponed payment of our quarterly bonus until 08-06 which will be during strike time so those who don't have computer/internet access are gonna have a harder time cashing out. (we get our payouts in points that can either be converted to cash or gifts/giftcards or combination). people are getting riled up in here. i'll find out saturday at midnight whether we are definitely striking or not... stay tuned
and last
one of the perks of our job is that there is no enforced dress code. we can literally wear whatever we want to work... most people wear jeans and sneaks... casual wear for the most part. but then there are the chickens that come in here like it is club verizon. one chick in particular is always inappropriate. her boobs always almost exposed bouncing around and she walks with her boobs poked out to the front and her butt poked out to the back. it annoys me because it is not cute... it's whorish. this is not the strip club...
UUUHGGG!
Friday, July 25, 2008
cnn... and other stuff
i am so glad i am not the only one who was utterly annoyed by the cnn special about black men in america last night. i'll admit that i didn't watch part 1 about women and families so i don't know tha spin on that part. but part 2 was some foolishness. i just don't think it was a fair or balanced portrayal of black men or the real struggles they have to deal with. it seemed like the only successful black men besides spike lee that were interviewed all had identity issues... issues trying to fit in with their black contemporaries. maybe i am naive but i don't think that is a fair representation. they couldn't find one successful black man that didn't have those issues? i could have suggested a few.
so i started this post a while ago but had to take some calls and these wack customers have taken the wind out of my sails... so as much as i hate to just switch topics like this...
WHYYYYYY did Will get eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance??? america is a bunch of haters!! he was good... and his body was perfection... like for real...
see!
ok well you can't see that well in that clip but trust his body is the truth...
DANG IT!! another call... uhhhhg
okay i'm back... new topic.
so i changed my hair SLIGHTLY and everyone is acting like it is so amazing. i don't get it. like seriously i don't get it.
i usually wear my hair out of my face becasue hair in my face annoys me... the other morning, i was rushing and didn't curl my hair so it was straight and the back half ended up in a ponytail the front half just kind of looked like long bangs swooped to my left (i usually swoop to my right when i do wear my hair forward). nothing dramatic or fantastic but apparently eveyone likes it. i've gotten more compliments this week then ever. chris thinks i'm dumb that it annoys me but it really isn't that serious. most people just said they liked it and it's cute but then one dude said it made me look exotic... and another dude i'm cool with was like damn you're really beautiful. i was just like uhm ok. thanks.
now day 1 of this new style, i did catch my reflection somewhere and was surprised that it was pretty cute since it required absolutely no effort and i did wear it the rest of the week but i still don't get the response... eh whatever
TGIF!! woooo hoooooo!!
oh and 2 weeks til chris visits! YAY!
so i started this post a while ago but had to take some calls and these wack customers have taken the wind out of my sails... so as much as i hate to just switch topics like this...
WHYYYYYY did Will get eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance??? america is a bunch of haters!! he was good... and his body was perfection... like for real...
see!
ok well you can't see that well in that clip but trust his body is the truth...
DANG IT!! another call... uhhhhg
okay i'm back... new topic.
so i changed my hair SLIGHTLY and everyone is acting like it is so amazing. i don't get it. like seriously i don't get it.
i usually wear my hair out of my face becasue hair in my face annoys me... the other morning, i was rushing and didn't curl my hair so it was straight and the back half ended up in a ponytail the front half just kind of looked like long bangs swooped to my left (i usually swoop to my right when i do wear my hair forward). nothing dramatic or fantastic but apparently eveyone likes it. i've gotten more compliments this week then ever. chris thinks i'm dumb that it annoys me but it really isn't that serious. most people just said they liked it and it's cute but then one dude said it made me look exotic... and another dude i'm cool with was like damn you're really beautiful. i was just like uhm ok. thanks.
now day 1 of this new style, i did catch my reflection somewhere and was surprised that it was pretty cute since it required absolutely no effort and i did wear it the rest of the week but i still don't get the response... eh whatever
TGIF!! woooo hoooooo!!
oh and 2 weeks til chris visits! YAY!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
stolen from monie!
so i changed my display name from jirzygurl to liz since chris had my name all on blast anyway... didn't see the point in leaving it jirzygurl...
aaaaaand we stole this from monie! (but left out the questions that didn't really pertain to us and chris added the ones about the ipod and artist)
Name: Chris
Age: 25
Height: 5'10.5ish"
Weight: "I can't make it without biting, ask Owl."
Occupation: Product Performance Management
Okay, enough about you. What do you LOVE about me?: Smartest woman I know outside of my family, cute, funny, interesting, insightful, stylish, playful, attentive, caring...I can't continue...must go on to next question...
One thing I do that drives you crazy: making more of the situation than what it actually is
One thing I do that you think is cute: the way you word/say certain things; like -ing words.
Weirdest thing I do: Claim that your feet are normal sized...there aren't that many women that share shoes with toddlers... (whatever!!! my feet are normal and i wear grade school not toddler... hmph!)
Do I have a hidden talent?: The ability of adaptation...making someone feel loved from hundreds of miles away.
What was our first date?: Well...I'd say driving from O'Hare to Downtown...the scenic route!
What was our SECOND date???: Walking around Water Tower Place
What would you like to name our potential, maybe, if you act right, kids?: Well, I like Jasmine or Denise...and for a boy...Blaze or Rufus! (i'm cool with denise... my parents were actually going to name me that after deneice williams the singer but then my mom had a dream or something weird like that and changed my name... i'm actually okay with blaze too... sounds like a weed smoking superhero)
What's one thing that someone could only know if they lived with me?: You are self-conscious of your drool...even though it doesn't matter.
What would you change about me?: Your zip code
What Artist do you like that you wouldn't tell anybody about? Barry Manilow...for real.
What CD do you have on your iPod that you are ashamed of? Best of Fiend - There's one in Every Family
wanna know what i said about chris???
aaaaaand we stole this from monie! (but left out the questions that didn't really pertain to us and chris added the ones about the ipod and artist)
Name: Chris
Age: 25
Height: 5'10.5ish"
Weight: "I can't make it without biting, ask Owl."
Occupation: Product Performance Management
Okay, enough about you. What do you LOVE about me?: Smartest woman I know outside of my family, cute, funny, interesting, insightful, stylish, playful, attentive, caring...I can't continue...must go on to next question...
One thing I do that drives you crazy: making more of the situation than what it actually is
One thing I do that you think is cute: the way you word/say certain things; like -ing words.
Weirdest thing I do: Claim that your feet are normal sized...there aren't that many women that share shoes with toddlers... (whatever!!! my feet are normal and i wear grade school not toddler... hmph!)
Do I have a hidden talent?: The ability of adaptation...making someone feel loved from hundreds of miles away.
What was our first date?: Well...I'd say driving from O'Hare to Downtown...the scenic route!
What was our SECOND date???: Walking around Water Tower Place
What would you like to name our potential, maybe, if you act right, kids?: Well, I like Jasmine or Denise...and for a boy...Blaze or Rufus! (i'm cool with denise... my parents were actually going to name me that after deneice williams the singer but then my mom had a dream or something weird like that and changed my name... i'm actually okay with blaze too... sounds like a weed smoking superhero)
What's one thing that someone could only know if they lived with me?: You are self-conscious of your drool...even though it doesn't matter.
What would you change about me?: Your zip code
What Artist do you like that you wouldn't tell anybody about? Barry Manilow...for real.
What CD do you have on your iPod that you are ashamed of? Best of Fiend - There's one in Every Family
wanna know what i said about chris???
the countdown continues...
so chris comes to visit in 15 days but that is definitely not the countdown i am referring too. our union contract with good old verizon is up on 08-03-08 and we have not agreed on a new contract yet. that means 08-04-08 we go on strike unless something happens between now and then. i must say we knew there was a possibility of strike for a while now but i always figured it would get worked out before aug 4th. the work environment around here is hostile to say the least. people are getting suspended left and right for stupid reasons. they cut our overtime and they are sending our sales calls to vendors. i am a little worried because i have money to cover august bills but if this goes into sept, i am screwed. i think i am going to try to get a part time gig somewhere during the strike so i can at least have some gas money coming in. i am nervous... the ideal strike for me would be 3 weeks.... enough time for me to feel like a little vacation but not enough to really be a detrement to my finances. beyond that is gonna start hurting.
the buzz on the streets is that upper management is anticipating a lot of scabs (people who cross the picket line) due to the state of the economy. Apparently they are thinking the union doesn't have the support of it's members due to the fact that a lot of us (including myself) don't attend the union meetings. i mean i can understand that line of thought because, for instance, there is a union rally in NYC in front of one of the corporate offices on saturday. i am not going. why not? because it would feel too much like work and i need my saturday to unwind from the week. it would be a 2 hour ride to NY then the 3 hour rally then another 2 hours to get home. that is a 7 hour day. and while i understand the union is fighting for my salary and benefits, i still am not going. that in no way means i am gonna cross a picket line though. absolutely not. which is why i'll be looking for a part time gig in the meantime. the managers here are all getting trained to take calls... it's gonna be ridiculous around here.
in other news, there is a free concert tomorrow night at Penn's Landing featuring Ledisi and Layla Hathaway... i am gonna try to con someone into going with me...
in other other news, i wanna give a shout out to EDE... thanks for the comment... i am looking forward to meeting you also... albeit a little nervous with you being who you are, but excited as well! I really appreciate what you said!!
the buzz on the streets is that upper management is anticipating a lot of scabs (people who cross the picket line) due to the state of the economy. Apparently they are thinking the union doesn't have the support of it's members due to the fact that a lot of us (including myself) don't attend the union meetings. i mean i can understand that line of thought because, for instance, there is a union rally in NYC in front of one of the corporate offices on saturday. i am not going. why not? because it would feel too much like work and i need my saturday to unwind from the week. it would be a 2 hour ride to NY then the 3 hour rally then another 2 hours to get home. that is a 7 hour day. and while i understand the union is fighting for my salary and benefits, i still am not going. that in no way means i am gonna cross a picket line though. absolutely not. which is why i'll be looking for a part time gig in the meantime. the managers here are all getting trained to take calls... it's gonna be ridiculous around here.
in other news, there is a free concert tomorrow night at Penn's Landing featuring Ledisi and Layla Hathaway... i am gonna try to con someone into going with me...
in other other news, i wanna give a shout out to EDE... thanks for the comment... i am looking forward to meeting you also... albeit a little nervous with you being who you are, but excited as well! I really appreciate what you said!!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
my favorite things of the moment
NAS- what can i say? this latest cd is FANTASTIC.... like from beginning to end. from the first track to the last. definitely a classic!!
The Dark Knight- Fan-frickin-tastic movie! i loved it. i saw it opening night while i was in Florida. midnight showing.... it was packed. i bought tix 2 days ahead of time and most theaters in the area were sold out. there were more than a few people that got really festive and came out in there finest joker costumes... seems everyone loves a bad guy. i don't want to talk about the movie itself for anyone who hasn't seen it yet (cough... chris... cough) but it is really good. definitely lived up to all the hype. i will prob go see it again...
here is a pic of my roomie with one of the dudes dressed as joker
sneakers: this is soooooooo chris' fault. i don't know how i got sucked into this world of sneakers but i am like so into it and it is so weird. i guess it isn't really that weird since i already had a shoe obsession but i am still amazed by how easily i got caught up in sneaker frenzy! my latest obsessions
creative recreation... i heart the colors
and i am so in love with this composition pack. like i think it is so cute... i want all three. the dunks high, low, and the air max! i love the notebook paper part... it appeals to my inner nerd)
and a better pic of the air max
Christmas Shopping: yes i started already! LOL! but when you see a good deal you have to jump on it.... and i have tons of people to shop for including 2 brand new nephews in addition to Asa. i have all 5 of my younger sisters and my brother... but i am thinking sisters won't be getting much this year since i will be shopping for their kids. i'll get something for my parents and for chris and my roomie and her sis and pink shoes/scrabble girl and a few other people. i have to shop for my 2 god-childen too... so yes i am starting mad early this year.
and last but certainly not least
my chris: i really heart him. i try not to post about it too much because he reads my blog and i don't want to seem cheesy but dang it this is my blog and i'll write what i want! he is coming to visit me out here in Jersey in August. saying i can't wait would be the understatement of the century!! i literally am counting down... 17 days to go... he really is like fantastic. he has some "only-child moments" but i think they are cute. he makes me feel like i am this great person that is worthy of love. real love. not convenient love but amore... the stuff in love songs. i seriously catch myself waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. like for him to turn into pyscho crazy person or something. i dunno... but he is in my favorites list for now. there... that wasn't too sappy!!
The Dark Knight- Fan-frickin-tastic movie! i loved it. i saw it opening night while i was in Florida. midnight showing.... it was packed. i bought tix 2 days ahead of time and most theaters in the area were sold out. there were more than a few people that got really festive and came out in there finest joker costumes... seems everyone loves a bad guy. i don't want to talk about the movie itself for anyone who hasn't seen it yet (cough... chris... cough) but it is really good. definitely lived up to all the hype. i will prob go see it again...
here is a pic of my roomie with one of the dudes dressed as joker
sneakers: this is soooooooo chris' fault. i don't know how i got sucked into this world of sneakers but i am like so into it and it is so weird. i guess it isn't really that weird since i already had a shoe obsession but i am still amazed by how easily i got caught up in sneaker frenzy! my latest obsessions
creative recreation... i heart the colors
and i am so in love with this composition pack. like i think it is so cute... i want all three. the dunks high, low, and the air max! i love the notebook paper part... it appeals to my inner nerd)
and a better pic of the air max
Christmas Shopping: yes i started already! LOL! but when you see a good deal you have to jump on it.... and i have tons of people to shop for including 2 brand new nephews in addition to Asa. i have all 5 of my younger sisters and my brother... but i am thinking sisters won't be getting much this year since i will be shopping for their kids. i'll get something for my parents and for chris and my roomie and her sis and pink shoes/scrabble girl and a few other people. i have to shop for my 2 god-childen too... so yes i am starting mad early this year.
and last but certainly not least
my chris: i really heart him. i try not to post about it too much because he reads my blog and i don't want to seem cheesy but dang it this is my blog and i'll write what i want! he is coming to visit me out here in Jersey in August. saying i can't wait would be the understatement of the century!! i literally am counting down... 17 days to go... he really is like fantastic. he has some "only-child moments" but i think they are cute. he makes me feel like i am this great person that is worthy of love. real love. not convenient love but amore... the stuff in love songs. i seriously catch myself waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. like for him to turn into pyscho crazy person or something. i dunno... but he is in my favorites list for now. there... that wasn't too sappy!!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
i'm back
so florida was good fun. i got a little baby tan... like it might not even count as a real tan... like i am still yellow as hell but my freckles are a tad darker. anyway here are some pics
this is day 1
my favorite pic i took during a safari ride
day 2
epcot at night
dinner
the crew
dinner the last night
this is day 1
my favorite pic i took during a safari ride
day 2
epcot at night
dinner
the crew
dinner the last night
one word... yes it's stolen
Where is your cell phone? charging
Your significant other? Chris
Your hair? reddish-brown
Your Skin? freckled
Your mother? fascinating
Your favorite thing? peace
Your dream last night? weird
Your favorite drink? tea
Your dream/goal? success
The room you're in? livingroom
Your ex? assinine
Your fear? hell
Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
Where were you last night? apt
What you're not? stupid
Muffins? sure...
One of your wish list items? wealth
Where you grew up? Camden
The last thing you did? yawn
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV? dusty
Your pets? nonexistant
Your computer? dell
Your life? unpredictable
Your mood? calm
Missing someone? always
Your car? Passat
Something you're not wearing? socks
Favorite Store? dsw
Your summer? busy
Like someone? yup
Your favorite color? white
When is the last time you laughed? earlier
Last time you cried? weeks
Your significant other? Chris
Your hair? reddish-brown
Your Skin? freckled
Your mother? fascinating
Your favorite thing? peace
Your dream last night? weird
Your favorite drink? tea
Your dream/goal? success
The room you're in? livingroom
Your ex? assinine
Your fear? hell
Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
Where were you last night? apt
What you're not? stupid
Muffins? sure...
One of your wish list items? wealth
Where you grew up? Camden
The last thing you did? yawn
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV? dusty
Your pets? nonexistant
Your computer? dell
Your life? unpredictable
Your mood? calm
Missing someone? always
Your car? Passat
Something you're not wearing? socks
Favorite Store? dsw
Your summer? busy
Like someone? yup
Your favorite color? white
When is the last time you laughed? earlier
Last time you cried? weeks
Sunday, July 13, 2008
20 Things I've Realized
1. I've come to realize that my legs....
are way more flexible then they appear
2. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will be filled with packing and planning
3. I've come to realize that when i'm driving...
I want to slap the bejeezus out of other drivers
4. I've come to realize that i need...
God
5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
respect for losers
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
dumb ass broads test me.
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I'll have a conversation with anyone
8. I've come to realize that money...
isn't as important as cocntentment
9. I've come to realize that certain people...
didn't deserve me
10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..
me
11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...
chris
12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is smarter then most people give her credit for
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is..
my lifeline
14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning...
it is a blessing and someone else somewhere didn't have the same grace
15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
i miss chris
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
not forgetting my plane tickets and remembering to pack my toothbrush
17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is one of the best people i know
18. I've come to realize that when I get on myspace...
it's a good way to waste my time
19. I've come to realize that I really want...
contentment
20. I've come to realize that if I died today...
i must have fulfilled my purpose.
are way more flexible then they appear
2. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will be filled with packing and planning
3. I've come to realize that when i'm driving...
I want to slap the bejeezus out of other drivers
4. I've come to realize that i need...
God
5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
respect for losers
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
dumb ass broads test me.
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I'll have a conversation with anyone
8. I've come to realize that money...
isn't as important as cocntentment
9. I've come to realize that certain people...
didn't deserve me
10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..
me
11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...
chris
12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is smarter then most people give her credit for
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is..
my lifeline
14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning...
it is a blessing and someone else somewhere didn't have the same grace
15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
i miss chris
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
not forgetting my plane tickets and remembering to pack my toothbrush
17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is one of the best people i know
18. I've come to realize that when I get on myspace...
it's a good way to waste my time
19. I've come to realize that I really want...
contentment
20. I've come to realize that if I died today...
i must have fulfilled my purpose.
Friday, July 11, 2008
vacation here i come!! WOOO HOOO!
so i will be m.i.a. next week since i will be in lovely disney world from monday - friday!! joy. i am so excited to not have to come to work. i am a lil sad that i won't get to talk to my chris as much...
and speaking of that weirdo, since he apparently dropped the ball on the video of the day, i'll leave this lil treat (courtesy of chris... gotta give credit where due)!
muahahahaa
and speaking of that weirdo, since he apparently dropped the ball on the video of the day, i'll leave this lil treat (courtesy of chris... gotta give credit where due)!
muahahahaa
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
48 minutes
so it's 1:42 in the morning and i can't sleep. insomnia, it appears, has made a grand re-entrance into my life. it went away for a while. must have just gone fishing though because it is back with a vengeance. i think i know why though. so that is an improvement. i know it is a sin to hate but i really dislike all of my exes. every previous boyfriend that helped to contribute to the issues i have now that i am trying to deal with. see the problem is, when i love, i love hard. it's the real thing. and i am loyal and passionate and romantic and optimistic. but my past experiences have caused me to become somewhat jaded. i dunno. i am just re-evaluating my life and trying to decide what to do. i so want to just pack my stuff and move. just be out. be with chris. but that makes absolutely no sense. and i can't do that to my family. i doubt i would find a job that pays what i make now... i just wish i knew the future... that i knew everything would be ok. but i don't and it makes me nervous. it scares me to actually hand my heart over again. i am so tired of being hurt, tired of my friends telling me how great i am and how it is always their loss. i am tired of questioning what i could have done differently. i am tired of being sad. i am tired of being misunderstood. i am tired of being thought of as weak because i feel things deeply. i am tired of having dreams of fighting demons (weird i know but it happens randomly about once or twice every two to three weeks). i am tired of explaining myself and why i can't help but think the way i do... even though i know it is silly. should i just not say what i feel? should i pretend i am just tired? lies are a cancer... i'll take my chances with the truth. why am i not allowed to be insecure or need reassurance? why can't u just reassure me instead of getting upset with me?
1:54 a.m.
how am i gonna function at work tomorrow on only a few hours of sleep and with puffy eyes and stuffy nose? i feel bad for snapping on my lil sis. it's not her fault this melancholy fell over me. it's no ones fault really. just my own fears.
so i took this color test earlier. i guess i can post my results here.
Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things affording excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.
Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
1:54 a.m.
how am i gonna function at work tomorrow on only a few hours of sleep and with puffy eyes and stuffy nose? i feel bad for snapping on my lil sis. it's not her fault this melancholy fell over me. it's no ones fault really. just my own fears.
so i took this color test earlier. i guess i can post my results here.
Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things affording excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.
Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.
Your Desired Objective
Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offering quiet contentment and a sense of belonging.
Your Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.
right now i just want to not care anymore. i want to go to sleep and wake up and not have the pressures and emotional strain i am carrying now. i want to delete someone who accepted a friend request only after weeks of weighing her options... beat it bitch.
i want to help my mom deal with her stress
i want my grandma's hair to grow back and for her chemo to be over with. i want her to be healthy again. physically and emotionally.
i want my sisters to be good mothers.
i want to stop crying... it started again thinking about my grandma.
i am so overwhelmed. emotionally fragile. i feel like i need a flourescent orange "Handle With Care" sticker taped across my heart.
i wish i was someplace else... i wish i was sleeping.
2:01
my eyes are tired but my mind is racing...
what if?
what if?
what if?
i need to rely on my faith right now. i need to go pray. i have been neglecting the Lord and my time with Him lately. maybe that is why i feel like i am falling apart. maybe that is why i feel guilty. maybe that is why the demon dreams are back... and the anxiety.
2:08
sleep seems so distant. peace seems so distant.
i love chris. unexpectedly and totally and completely. like i would beat someone up for him... like there is a list of people who hurt him that i would love to stomp with my size 4.5 youth timberlands. stomp their faces in. i feel protective of him and i want to punch them all in the head. but he says it's not worth it and he is right. as much as i don't want to admit it. he is right a lot actually. i need him. he helps me and he makes me want to be better. he says i do the same for him. isn't that how it is supposed to be? so why the insecurities? i guess cuz i'm here and he's there. and there has always been the issue of another chick. hotsauce married his other chick. too short got busted with his other chick. the arteest i don't think ever let go of his previous chick. i know he still emails her. hell both of us are often on the same email. i dunno... i know in my heart that chris is so much better than them. for me at least. but i am so scared. so so scared to go through that heartache again. after hotsauce, i thought i was gonna have an emotional break down. it took me three years to tell another man i love him and mean it.
2:15
i guess i will try again to get some sleep
mr. sandman seems just outside of my grasp... my fingertips stretch to their limit trying to just get a grip on his coat tail. just a tug to get him to sprinkle some dust over here so i can sleep... i can almost feel the midnight blue velvet i imagine his jacket to be... and he has a top hat. my mr. sandman vaguely resembles mr. peanut. we haven't danced this waltz in quite a while... my mr. sandman and i. it's been a few weeks since we've had this dance... this flirtation i used to be an expert at. he would court me... lull me into a false sense of comfort and sleepiness. then turn and hightail it. taunt me with the idea of a good night's rest. he would flaunt how he lavished my roommate with hours of lovely sleep... precious hours that are ticking by that i won't be able to retrieve once spent. while i would sit watching... wondering when it would be my turn... yes i remember this dance now. i fall right back into the rhythm of it. my feet instinctively moving to the melody... even though my mind doesn't even want to acknowledge the familiarity of it all...
2:26
closing eyes now in hope of some peace.
why me?
***update***
i finally did fall asleep somewhere after 5 a.m.
now i am at work and i feel like i am being stabbed in the eyes...
uhhhhhhh
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
love is in the air
sooo.... those of you that read this frequently probably already know that new crush = chris ... well what you might not know is that he is fantastic. we are so compatible on so many levels... it is, in a word, dope!
so i went out to IL this past weekend and i had a great time.
we didn't do too much on thursday since i got there pretty late.
Friday, we hung out most of the day then went out to eat and i got to meet Jon. that was good fun.
saturday... got up stupid early to go to the sneaker\car show. OMG! I am sooooooo motivated to get my sneaker game up. like soooo motivated. it's on. matter of fact i came home with 8 (YES 8 pairs of sneaks)... pray for me.
so the following is probably the most obnoxious thing i saw at the show
ok the car by itself wasn't that bad. but the owner wearing matching pants was
oh but wait i stand corrected...
this mayyyyy be worse... pimps up!
what is that?? VELVET?? and the jeweled gear shift is classic.
heh heh... i got a kick out of it.
so sunday we woke up late (chris' fault). but eventually went to the mall and the movies... Hancock was ok. i did figure out a main part mad early. but what can i say? i am a geek... then i got to meet Keli and Kwayland.
then we ordered pizza and watched a diff movie... just hung out. it was so cool.
and here is one of the few pics of me and chris...
uhhhhhhhg...is it weird that i miss him like crazy??
so i went out to IL this past weekend and i had a great time.
we didn't do too much on thursday since i got there pretty late.
Friday, we hung out most of the day then went out to eat and i got to meet Jon. that was good fun.
saturday... got up stupid early to go to the sneaker\car show. OMG! I am sooooooo motivated to get my sneaker game up. like soooo motivated. it's on. matter of fact i came home with 8 (YES 8 pairs of sneaks)... pray for me.
so the following is probably the most obnoxious thing i saw at the show
ok the car by itself wasn't that bad. but the owner wearing matching pants was
oh but wait i stand corrected...
this mayyyyy be worse... pimps up!
what is that?? VELVET?? and the jeweled gear shift is classic.
heh heh... i got a kick out of it.
so sunday we woke up late (chris' fault). but eventually went to the mall and the movies... Hancock was ok. i did figure out a main part mad early. but what can i say? i am a geek... then i got to meet Keli and Kwayland.
then we ordered pizza and watched a diff movie... just hung out. it was so cool.
and here is one of the few pics of me and chris...
uhhhhhhhg...is it weird that i miss him like crazy??
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
blah.......
i haven't really felt like posting anything. i don't know if i am just overwhelmed with all that is going on but i can't bring myself to blog about anything... so... i will be on my voyeuristic tip, just reading all you guys and commenting so you know i am still here... this definitely won't be a year long hiatus like last time though...
til then
til then
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
jirzygurl 101... new college pre-requisite coming to a campus near you...
Yeah, so I stole this from Chris who stole it from Monie who stole this from Diva. i have nothing better to do. this has seriously been probably one of the top 5 craziest weekends ever. i wouldn't even know where to start. but maybe tomorrow i will just start with friday and go from there. right now my brain is on overload... i need to decompress
1. I am dope.
2. I have the tendency to over think things.
3. My job makes me miserable...
4. but i am addicted to my weekly checks.
5. Yeah, Verizon pays
6. I am so tired
7. I am ADDICTED to shoes!
8. I may need a support group...
9. I love to sing when i think no one can hear me.
10. I wish i was brave enough to sing whenever i want, regardless of who is around
11. I love Mary Janes.
12. I am dope... oh i said that already... well i am
13. I love music
14. All types of music...
15. Even rock...
16. Even classical...
17. well not country
18. or bluegrass
19. or death metal
20. I often wonder why people make the decisions they make.
21. Like why make children they are not prepared to take care of.
22. Or what makes a man think it is ok to put his hands on a woman... ever
23. or why a woman would allow that to happen repeatedly.
24. Like, why go back?
25. Sometimes i get overwhelmed and just want to escape life
26. not like suicide
27. but like time out... i need a day where i am not worried about bills
28. or my siblings
29. or anyone's problems
30. i am feeling a little melancholy
31. and anxious
32. and insomnia rears its ugly head
33. I still have to start packing
34. excited about going back out to IL to see chris...
35. but anxious about it as well
36. I have no idea what i am doing
37. my life has turned out NOTHING like i thought it would
38. I'm kind of glad it didn't
39. I need to make a serious budget
40. and stick to it.
41. I think it is time to re-evaluate my friends
42. some may need to get cut
43. i am tired of being there for everyone else and it not being reciprocated
44. i hate that i have to dry each load of clothes twice
45. it totally messes up the flow.
46. i have two loads waiting to dry
47. good thing i have insomnia so i can stay up to dry them.
48. i hate when clothes don't dry all the way and they get the mildew smell.
49. gross.
50. i have to rewash it.
51. I am tired of wack ass chicks.
52. why must women constantly compete with each other?
53. why don't they realize they had their chance and the effed up?
54. why don't they step aside and watch a real woman work?
55. i mean, i am not intimidated (see # 1)
56. but it is annoying none the less
57. even though it's satisfying when they prove my suspicions to be correct.
58. dumb ass broads
59. can't even front properly
60. scram nerds
61. is it wrong to want to set someone on fire?
62. i didn't say i was gonna do it.
63. Murder is bad. (chris i am not even changing this line because it flows perfectly with what i am saying here...)
64. But Dying because you are stupid isn't. (same here)
65. I need to stop over thinkin stuff
66. and worrying about stuff
67. especially stuff i can't control
68. i may need to get something pierced
69. i am feeling restless
70. i so don't want to go to work tomorrow
71. but i have to
72. cancer sucks
73. it really sucks
74. but my grandma rocks
75. and she is dope ( i had to get it from somewhere)
76. she is going to beat this thing
77. i love my nephews
78. i am nervous for my sisters
79. they had a fabulous example in my mother
80. i wonder what kind of parent i will be
81. or if i will be a parent at all
82. i can't imagine being responsible for another human
83. i guess time will tell
84. i am actually starting to feel better
85. i haven't really said or shared anything profound
86. or revelatory
87. but the anxiety is subsiding
88. why did michael jackson completely lose his mind?
89. i wonder if he ever looks in the mirror and say wtf?
90. when is he going to disclose how he REALLY turned white?
91. and why?
92. i wonder if he thinks he looks normal
93. or that no one notices he doesn't have a nose
94. and wtf was lisa marie thinking
95. i love his music though
96. and prince
97. prince is the ish
98. i heart him
99. i think i might actually feel sleep approaching
100. uhg... false alarm... i yawned and sleepiness left
101. til next time...
1. I am dope.
2. I have the tendency to over think things.
3. My job makes me miserable...
4. but i am addicted to my weekly checks.
5. Yeah, Verizon pays
6. I am so tired
7. I am ADDICTED to shoes!
8. I may need a support group...
9. I love to sing when i think no one can hear me.
10. I wish i was brave enough to sing whenever i want, regardless of who is around
11. I love Mary Janes.
12. I am dope... oh i said that already... well i am
13. I love music
14. All types of music...
15. Even rock...
16. Even classical...
17. well not country
18. or bluegrass
19. or death metal
20. I often wonder why people make the decisions they make.
21. Like why make children they are not prepared to take care of.
22. Or what makes a man think it is ok to put his hands on a woman... ever
23. or why a woman would allow that to happen repeatedly.
24. Like, why go back?
25. Sometimes i get overwhelmed and just want to escape life
26. not like suicide
27. but like time out... i need a day where i am not worried about bills
28. or my siblings
29. or anyone's problems
30. i am feeling a little melancholy
31. and anxious
32. and insomnia rears its ugly head
33. I still have to start packing
34. excited about going back out to IL to see chris...
35. but anxious about it as well
36. I have no idea what i am doing
37. my life has turned out NOTHING like i thought it would
38. I'm kind of glad it didn't
39. I need to make a serious budget
40. and stick to it.
41. I think it is time to re-evaluate my friends
42. some may need to get cut
43. i am tired of being there for everyone else and it not being reciprocated
44. i hate that i have to dry each load of clothes twice
45. it totally messes up the flow.
46. i have two loads waiting to dry
47. good thing i have insomnia so i can stay up to dry them.
48. i hate when clothes don't dry all the way and they get the mildew smell.
49. gross.
50. i have to rewash it.
51. I am tired of wack ass chicks.
52. why must women constantly compete with each other?
53. why don't they realize they had their chance and the effed up?
54. why don't they step aside and watch a real woman work?
55. i mean, i am not intimidated (see # 1)
56. but it is annoying none the less
57. even though it's satisfying when they prove my suspicions to be correct.
58. dumb ass broads
59. can't even front properly
60. scram nerds
61. is it wrong to want to set someone on fire?
62. i didn't say i was gonna do it.
63. Murder is bad. (chris i am not even changing this line because it flows perfectly with what i am saying here...)
64. But Dying because you are stupid isn't. (same here)
65. I need to stop over thinkin stuff
66. and worrying about stuff
67. especially stuff i can't control
68. i may need to get something pierced
69. i am feeling restless
70. i so don't want to go to work tomorrow
71. but i have to
72. cancer sucks
73. it really sucks
74. but my grandma rocks
75. and she is dope ( i had to get it from somewhere)
76. she is going to beat this thing
77. i love my nephews
78. i am nervous for my sisters
79. they had a fabulous example in my mother
80. i wonder what kind of parent i will be
81. or if i will be a parent at all
82. i can't imagine being responsible for another human
83. i guess time will tell
84. i am actually starting to feel better
85. i haven't really said or shared anything profound
86. or revelatory
87. but the anxiety is subsiding
88. why did michael jackson completely lose his mind?
89. i wonder if he ever looks in the mirror and say wtf?
90. when is he going to disclose how he REALLY turned white?
91. and why?
92. i wonder if he thinks he looks normal
93. or that no one notices he doesn't have a nose
94. and wtf was lisa marie thinking
95. i love his music though
96. and prince
97. prince is the ish
98. i heart him
99. i think i might actually feel sleep approaching
100. uhg... false alarm... i yawned and sleepiness left
101. til next time...
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