I am on my Huey Freeman!!

Ashanti can not sing. someone please make it stop!! the mouse-like whining is NOT CUTE! uhhhhhhg...
i mentioned how non-singing this chick is to the arteest and his response was
"well she's nice to look at"
my response to that was
"she's hairy"
him: "she is hairy... but still nice to look at... that kind of distracts from the non-singing!"
me: "she's alright... but no one is looking at her while in their car and her voice is grating"

somehow that conversation turned to alicia keys... and the arteest saying she has dude tendencies and she is tom boyish. which i agreed to but then pointed out that she has been softening it up. so he agreed but said he prefers tomboy girls because they are more real. He was saying someone in sneaks is more real than someone in heels. i said i thought that was a juvenile point of view. it actually turned into a pretty good debate/discussion. it eventually became a discussion about inter-racial dating and how from his experiences, the dudes that date white women exclusively, do so because black women gave too many problems or didn't want them. i am so sick of hearing this. it is a cop out. i said as much too. if you like a certain aesthetic, no one can fault you for that. Just admit you like how white chicks look. but don't say it is because black women are a handful. seriously, that is ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as women who decide they are no longer gonna date men because the last 3 dudes did them wrong. If you like cooch, or are curious about cooch, just say so... don't blame the last nigga. Cuz in truth, there is obviously something internal that is causing you to form relationships with the same type of person repeatedly. I recognize this in myself, i tend to deal with people that are not as stable as myself... i call it the "save the puppy syndrome". meaning, i am more attracted to people i can help than people who can help me. that causes me to deal with some losers. i have recognized that and am trying to do better in the future. but i am not gonna say i am never dating black dudes again because they are all worthless... that is completely immature and irresponsible. again, just admit you like "good hair" and no melanin. everyone has a right to like who they want. some people like tall, some like short... whatever. but i think it is silly. and maybe it is superficial of me to prefer someone saying they just like how white girls look but that is honestly how i feel. that makes more sense to me.
the arteest gave two examples of black dudes he knows that were "corny" back in the day and no black chicks wanted them so they both started dating white chicks. so i'm like why not try some chicks in another environment or circle. if you are constantly approaching the same type of chick (economically, socially, and mentally the same not racially), chance are you are gonna get the same result. why not expand your experience to include other segments of the population and see what happens then? and i say all that not to say black men should only date black women. believe me i have no problem with inter-racial dating. i believe everyone has a right to love who they want. but i just think it is juvenile and ignorant to discount all black women because you dated the 5 with the stankest attitudes.

i really could go on and on about this and all that is related
- like black women having emotional problems due to the black male not being present
- economic injustice. poverty has a lot to do with self esteem and self worth. and self esteem and worth are directly related to how one treats themselves and others.

it's just so much deeper but i am gonna stop now...
too many boondock episodes for me!!

ladies... i know you can identify... sorry fellas

soooooooooooo, i bought six pairs of shoes this weekend. I was at macy's just passing the time until Harold and Kumar started and they were having a sale. AND i had an extra 20% off coupon!! i really do have a shoe fetish... but my younger sibs take my stuff all the time. that is how i justify my addiction. i don't know how many pair i have... maybe i'll count them up one day. i took pics of my new purchases... please disregard the pajamas and green sock on my other foot! ha!

Carlos Santana


Nine West


Carlos Santana again


Coach sneaks for the summer


Nine West


Steven by Steve Madden


on to other news....

i am feeling very Jamaican this week... like i have been really feeling my culture. not sure where this came from. i mean i have always been proud of being jamaican but i am really feeling it this week. maybe cuz i've been listening to sizzla and morgan heritage all weekend...hmmmm

spiders.... YIKES!

I am terrified of spiders... like i can not deal with them at all. I hate beetles and ants too but spiders are what i am sho' nuff afraid of. Not sure why... there are just too many legs and eyes and what not. i happen to live in a very wooded area so there are plenty of creepy crawlies including spiders. this wouldn't be so bad except that my roommate is scared of spiders too. anyway on my way home from work, roomie calls me and tells me that there is a spider the size of her fist on my bedroom wall. she said she was walking past the door and saw it on the opposite wall out the side of her eye. so i told her to kill it and she said she couldn't. so i was like ok i can handle it. I stopped at home depot and bought the biggest can of spider killer i could find. it said it killed on contact too which was good. I got home and the damn spider was still on the wall chillin. it was ginormous!! i was frozen at the door. couldn't move... could not get any closer. roomie gave me a pep talk and said she was right behind me and told me i could do it. so i inched my way in, can in hand, ready to kill this em-effer. i stepped on the bed so i could get close enough to spray it. I started spraying and that bastard JUMPED off the wall... since when do spiders jump? I jumped off the bed and made for the hills! i ran out the room screaming the whole time. roomie failed to mention it was a ninja spider well versed in the black arts... where was roomie you ask? good question... i thought she had my back but when that thing jumped, she was out the room before me! LOL! then she came back and was like you have to kill it! come on lets go back, you can do it. so i pumped myself up... telling myself i am bigger than the spider and it can't hurt me. meanwhile, a vision of a gang of ninja spiders coming out from under my bed and attacking me to avenge their fallen brethren was running through my head. i went back in and sprayed THE BEJEEZUS out that spider. half a can gone! i won! but i am not beat to see another one anytime soon! i'm good on that one. i don't know about all that facing your fears stuff but i am NOT BEAT! I've been sleeping in the living room until i feel it is safe again. it is that deep.

penn relay weekend was a bust. it was cloudy and cool. rain here and there so i didn't bother going. i stayed home and on demanded the rest of season 2 of Dexter. I heart Dexter. my lil sis, the songwriter, (we'll call her tax lady since she works for the treasury) came down to go out sat night. i was all down to go but 1- i felt like crap and 2- my left hand felt like it was gonna fall off. so tax lady calls at like 10 p.m. and is like you sound like you are still asleep. which i was. so she starts giving me crap about never going out with her and blah blah blah. i had to shut it down. i felt like crap and my wrist felt like it was being gnawed of my arm by rabid ninja spider monkeys. i couldn't move my hand at all. had it wrapped up in a scarf because i didn't have an ace bandage and i didn't feel like spending a whole night in the emergency room. she got over it but then asked me could she borrow $20. n words.... she got to my house and i just gave her my mac card and told her go ahead and take $20 and just bring my card back. she was staying over my house so i also gave her my house key so i wouldn't have to let her in. she left around 11 and i went to sleep. exciting, right?
now for the annoying part. my cousin (code name: man whore) sent me a text at about 12:30 a.m. asking ... well i'll trancribe

man whore: where you at?
me: home
man whore: what you doin?
me: sleeping
man whore: oh i needed to borrow $50 til Monday. I can't get any $ off my card
me: well tax lady has my debit card so i can give it to you tomorrow
man whore: aw man i really needed it tonight

i didn't respond because what else was there to say. 1- i told you i was sleep, 2- i told you my sis had my debit card convo should have been over. what does this blackie do? he calls me... uhg.... convo went as follows

me: hello (in the sleep voice)
man whore: where is tax lady at?
me: out n-gga... what you want?
man whore: you don't know where she went? i really needed that money tonight
me: wtf? no i don't know where she is! she is out! at a club! i doubt she is gonna leave to go to a mac to get you money!
man whore: yeah i guess you are right, i just really...
me: (cutting him off) n-gga i am sleep and your beat? you sounding real crackheadish right about now. good night
*then i hung up*

is it me or is that some selfish inconsiderate ish? he was just trying to go out and do what he does best... whore... stay yo ass home if you ain't got no money but don't be harrassing me. i shouldn't have answered!

that's all for now...

oh and the new Harold and Kumar is pretty dang funny! the first one may be funnier but it was pretty hilarious!

thursday

I recently got a tattoo. My first… a butterfly and the letter E on my right shoulder. It’s cute. I don’t know what made me finally get one… I had been playing with the idea for years but always figured I would regret it or I would fast forward 40 years in my head and picture wrinkled, saggy tats and change my mind. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis. Anyway, good news is I don’t regret it. Not yet anyway…






moving on...

Too short still hasn’t paid me… and I have FINALLY run out of patience. So “Operation Expose That Triflin Ass Nigga for the Bastard He Is” has officially commenced. I have tried so hard to be a nice person and not the angry lil short-tempered, devious ass chick I have the potential to be. But this fool has pushed me over the edge so he gets the wrath of Liz… not a good look for him. I am starting by putting him on blast. That means I am telling everyone that will listen how trifling he is. I will go to his group’s myspace and make sure I leave a comments and messages letting everyone know that he owes me a substantial amount of money that he refuses to pay. I am calling his mom (the main person he didn’t want to know that he was in a situation) and I am putting him on blast. Then I will be sending a letter demanding payment in full by the end of the week, which he will ignore of course. Then off to court we go. I have the emails and texts from him acknowledging and agreeing to the terms of the loan and payment. And then once I get my money, I may need to call the goons –aka- my cousins to eff him up. Just for GP

UHG!
That is enough about that…

So I think I may be a bad person and I don’t know how to deal with that. My cousin called me last night and was saying how a friend of the family’s husband was coming to America from Jamaica. Well he is illegal I guess, paperwork isn’t straight, and he somehow went to Bahamas first and was coming to America with some other illegals in a boat. The boat capsized and some of the people were partially eaten by sharks ( I am so not making this up). So why am I a bad person? Because I laughed. Like seriously laughed hard… like who gets eaten by a shark? Wtf? So my cousin goes on to say, “why the eff were they coming from Bahamas on a boat with no life jackets? Eff that! There is no effin way! I would need a life jacket!!” so I started laughing even harder! What is wrong with me? I mean I already know I have a weird sense of humor… I guess you can say it’s dark… but to laugh at someone’s demise is not right. And I am chuckling now as I type this… what does that say about me as a person? The only hope is that I do actually feel guilty about laughing!

Penn Relays this weekend… maybe I’ll meet a cutie! ***fingers crossed***

randomness at its best!

So where do I even start....
hmm.....

oh let's start with nigga moments #2 and 3.
This past Friday was a BEAUTIFUL day... at least it was in the Philly metro area. Simply perfect weather. I had plans to go to a Phillies baseball game with the arteest (formerly known as "heart"). all was going well... i stopped at the mall to pick up a few gifts as my sisters baby shower was the next day and i had a kids b-day party to go to on sunday. anyway i still have the family hooptie as my passat is still being worked on. In true hooptie style, that bitch would NOT start when i was trying to leave the mall. like simply WOULD NOT start. I had taken a half day at work and everyone i knew was still at work... uhg... torture... i ended up calling the arteest and telling him to pick me up from the mall. not a huge deal but annoying none the less. turns out the battery was dead. that was moment #2. ok so let's move on. we get to the game and park. met up with some of my friends who were tailgating. had some beers some food and some good times.... til it was time to go into the game and i couldnt find the tickets. went back to the car... tickets not in the car either. i wanted to shrivel up and disappear! LOL! wtf?! so thank goodness i got the tix online so the stadium just reprinted them for me. that was moment #3. did i mention the arteest had to pick me up from the mall and take me all the way home to get the tix?.. and i left them. that is his fault though. why was it his fault? well because my apt was tore up and he came in and completely threw me off. i don't like people seeing my place a mess. and it was sho nuff tore up... uhg. so his fault for getting me all flustered. anyway all in all it was a fun night. i had a really nice time!

next!

so i direct my church choir (still don't know how that happened), and i am a mentor. I actually started a mentoring program and we started with the girls in my church. the mentors are each taking a turn helping with the youth ministry on friday nights. so one of the youth ministers (code name toes)kept telling me he wanted to talk to me. next friday is my friday to do youth night so i was assuming that is what he wanted to talk about. i saw him at prayer on monday night and i asked him what was up. so he said it was personal. so i got suspicious but i didn't ask any questions. i just high-tailed it out of there. anyway he texted me and asked if i had a minute. he called me and asked me if i thought it would be too weird for him to call me sometimes because he is basically trying to date. yall, he is 22. i am 28. i said it was ok for him to call because i didn't know what else to say. i mean he is not bad looking but i am just not really interested like that. that is weird to me. torture
so anyway i was discussing it with my homie (we'll call him b-more). b-more happens to be the arteest's cousin but he is my confidante... we talk all the time about all types of stuff and we go to same church. he was encouraging me to talk to toes. i was explaining why i wasn't interested in dating toes and one reason was because he irks me. reason he irks me is because he be having mood swings and what not. just weird in gereral. so b-more is like well the arteest irks you right? and you still talk to him. and then says that since i am supposed to be saved i shouldn't really be entertaining the arteest as he is not in the church and he smokes weed... everyday...
i was so annoyed that he even brought the arteest up as it is a totally different scenario and the arteest doesn't irk me anymore now that i know where we stand. so i ended up going on a tirade basically saying that yes i still talk to the arteest but we are friends. i don't have any expectations as far as that is concerned. i just take it for what it is. and when i had talked to b-more about being irked with the arteest it was because when i first met him last august he did everything right... was so sweet... we talked all the time... he seemed really interested... then as soon as there was some intimacy he shut me down and it turned into him not being ready for a relationship and that did irk me at the time. which is why i vented. but i processed and am over it. so i was double irked that b-more would even bring that up. i am not gonna talk to someone just for the sake of talking to someone. i am not short on admirers. it's not hard to find a "man" but the man i do choose to be with needs to be compatible with me and be bringing something to the table. now i am not dissing toes because he is a very good guy and i know he will make someone an excellent husband but i don't think it's gonna be me. the age alone is a turnoff. i barely want to talk to someone a year or two younger than me, much less 6. and the fact that i still socialize with the arteest has nothing to do with that because if i meet someone else that is looking for what i am looking for and is in my age range and is more of what i am looking for, i will be all about it.

and speaking of not being short on admirers... this guy i used to work with in my old dept. at verizon hits me up on sametime everyday. (sametime is lotus version of instant messenger).
he hits me up every morning and just says what up. that's it. it is so random
and if i make small talk just trying to see what he wants, the convo usually ends with him saying we should hang out. this happens everyday... every...... day..... he is about to get blocked because that is weird

next!

my lil sis is a poet/songwriter and she wrote a fantastic song... it's basically about relationships but it is written in terms of a chess game. i freakin love it. she wants me to learn it and sing it so that may be happening. yall, i can sing but i have serious stage fright. pray for me! LOL!

that may be it for now. hmmmm
yeah that's it. maybe i'll post some pics from my b-day party...



me and my sis the songwriter




me and pink shoes -aka- scrabble girl



making it rain


and

the subconscious is a mother effer

If you know anything about Pisceans, we are supposed to be very intuitive. This is pretty true about me for the most part. Another trait of the Pisces is to be dreamers... both nocturnally and during the day. We tend to see the silver lining in every situation and see the best in people. we are loyal.... in my case to a fault. Now being the intuitive dreamer that i am, about 95% of the dreams thtat i have that i actually remember turn out to be of some significance.... which has caused me to start analyzing the dreams i remember to see what message (if any) is in it.

So I had this dream last night. It was very vivid but pretty short and to the point. Remember "heart"? I talked about him a few posts ago... well basically, i had a dream that he had some sort of classroom. don't know what was being taught (i don't think that is important to the dream). I came in the class a few minutes late, all dolled up, looking cute. There was only one seat available all the way in the back of the class. I walked to the desk all confident, head up, knowing I was the hottest thing walking. So I get to the desk and it is all cramped... the person sitting in front of me was so close, i had to sit sideways in the chair because there was no room between my seat and the one in front of it (don't know how this is possible with the desk but this is my dream and that's how it is). so i am sitting sideways and i have my bag on my lap and i am reading this book by raheem devaughn (again... i have no idea why i was reading a novel by raheem devaughn as he is a singer but whatever). now everything/everyone in the dream was gray, colorless... and i was very bright in contrast. i looked at my wrist and had on bright yellow bangles. so i looked up from my book and i saw some chick to the right of me sitting sideways in her chair as well (and she was also in color). and she was ice grillin me... just staring me down with the tightest face ever. in the dream i thought to myself, "why does this chick have an attitude??" so then i realize there was another chick to the left of me. "heart" was in the front of the class and i realized in the dream that we were all trying to get his attention. that's why i came in all dressed up. and the other chicks were waving their arms in the air trying to get him to look at them. so i realized he wasn't paying attention to any of us and in the dream i thought, "there is not enough room for me in here." but then i thought, "well there was this seat here, and i am in color (again i don't know what that means), but i refuse to put myself out there so i am not trying to get his attention anymore. I'm not competing, i'm better than that... I can do better than that." so i went back to reading my book.

and then i woke up out the dream.
so i listened to raheem's new cd today at work trying to see if i was gonna get some message but i was at work so couldn't really pay attention.

now this dream is bugging me for a few reasons...
1- wtf??
2- is this dream just an example of my psyche trying to cope with subconscious turmoil (dramatic, i know)? or is the cosmos trying to tell me something?
3- am i retarded for not knowing what i am supposed to do?


uhg who knows. i am gonna have to think on it some more....
but now i am off to sleep, lets see what my psyche, or the cosmos, brings me tonight.