piscean perception

antm

2009-03-05T10:14:00.005-05:00

ok so i can't stand Tyra Banks.... her over-the-top-ness has just taken it's toll... seriously. enough is enough. yet despite my disdain for all things tyra, i find myself, season after season (or cycle after cycle in antm talk) glued to the tv watching america's next top model. it's the show i love to hate... and tyra is the host i love to hate... it drives me crazy...
anyway, i do have a few favorites already. i think Fo is adorable... and I like aminet (from Jersey.. HOLLA) and that might be it. I started out liking Sandra, but the more she talked, the more i disliked her... I like London too even though i don't quite get her yet.. i think she is cute. and the puerto rican girl is pretty...
next year they are looking for people 5'7" and under... so I call my younger sis Claw and tell her punk arse to try out. she is 5'6" and she is actually pretty photogenic. she had a million excuses as to why she couldn't. i eventually hung up on her. i mean this is the same girl who at 2, a pageant scout was will to pay all her expenses to compete (my parents declined). She has done the round the way stuff like local fashion shows and some hair magazines (nothing that actually requires any talent) but she also was walking down the street in England (she did a semester abroad) and a random photographer actually paid her to take pics. she is a nerd... what is the harm in trying? the worse that can happen is they say no and you keep it moving. but why not at least try? weirder things have happened... anyway, i am attaching some photos. tell me what you think.

one of the pics she took in England... one of my faves

one of the hair magazine pics

this is my least favorite because whoever did her lashes needs to be fired. but this was for that same hair magazine...

I think she looks like a man a lil in that las tone BUT she has tons of cool pics and she is in decent shape... even after having a kid. i dunno... what's the worse that can happen? what a nerd.

Snow Day HOORAY!!

2009-03-02T11:27:00.002-05:00

not a long post today...

I stayed home from work since there is like 10" of snow outside and it is still snowing. I am going to try to utilize this time wisely. I plan on organizing some stuff that needs organizing and maybe get rid of some clutter... old magazines and what not.

so the sneaker con was ok. met some dope people... saw some dope kicks.... and dinner was a lot of fun. food was pretty good and we hung out with nina... turned out to be fun. what sucked was driving home from NYC in the snow... torture.

anyway, I'll let Chris blog about the sneaker con... i'm sure he'll add some pics too.

later! i am gonna take a nap before i start my cleaning!

boooo

2009-02-26T15:28:00.003-05:00

work sucks.

so when i first started this gig, we were winning prizes left and right for sales. in my first year in this dept, i won a laptops, 3 tv's, a dvd player, a wii, a blender, a surround sound system (that's still in the box), and i'm sure i am forgetting some stuff. but that was on top of payouts and a couple thousand $ in gift cards (macy's, foot locker, walmart, target, etc.).... so we went from that to now getting crap. and not only are we getting crap, but we have to sell like 3x's as much to get the crap... now this last year, i did win a cofee maker, a small flat screen LCD tv, and another laptop... but that was so few and far between... and i had to work my tush off to get it. but that is not my complaint. my complaint is now we win freakin glitter balls for selling 3 tv packages, and an internet and phone... like seriously... a freakin glitter ball. see example a below.

like are they serious?
I am grown.. a glitter ball? and the kicker is it was a raffle... so i busted my arse in sales and got 6 entries. what did i win? a *bleep*ing glitter ball.
uhg... not to mention there hasn't been any big prizes in a long time. i guess it's better than nothing. and i'll stop complaining since there are people who don't have any job right now. but a glitter ball is insulting.

oh and yes that is a Dexter bobble head in the background!

I'm gettin old... boooooooo

2009-02-24T11:19:00.002-05:00

So today is Fat Tuesday and I have no plans... i mean no happy hour... no south street excursions. booooooo. i don't even have the desire to look for anything to do. that is how i know i am getting old. seriously, in my early 20's, there wasn't an alcohol-associated "holiday" that i didn't partake of. ha!
but lately, i could care less... i didn't even realize it was fat tuesday until someone on my team mentioned it. oh well

so everyday, we have a team chat that we are required to join. i could probably get fired for this BUT this is an excerpt from today's chat. it is in reference to the rant i had a few days ago about people coming to work looking like harlots. apparently, i am not the only one who notices... also i was going to change the names to protect the innocent but that was gonna take too long sooooo i just deleted the last names.

kirk: more news on the dress code
10:16:49 AM: Kirk: no sweats
10:16:53 AM: Mark: lol
10:16:57 AM: Edward: lol
10:16:59 AM: Kirk: and sneakers are at team leaders discretion
10:17:03 AM: Mark: no dirty clothes
10:17:04 AM: Kirk: so i think we are all good
10:17:08 AM: Kirk: cause liz i know u were gonna have a fit
10:17:18 AM: Elizabeth (me): lol
10:17:19 AM: Elizabeth: true
10:17:39 AM: Kirk: no flip flops
10:17:41 AM: Nordia (harlot dressing chick): when did we start the dress code?
10:17:46 AM: Mark: today
10:17:47 AM: Mark: lol
10:17:48 AM: Kirk: i'm hearing 3-1
10:17:48 AM: Edward: when kirk msgs it
10:17:55 AM: Kirk: nordia ur gonna be a habitual violator
10:17:58 AM: Kirk: no club apparel
10:18:19 AM: Kirk: just playing nordia u know u my dog
10:18:23 AM: Kirk: jean are cool
10:18:23 AM: Elizabeth: ha!
10:18:37 AM: Nordia: hahaha
10:18:46 AM: Nordia: this ain't club apperal honey
10:18:52 AM: Kirk: no?
10:18:59 AM: Nordia: nope
10:19:08 AM: Kirk: oh god i gotta see u at the club what do u wear?
10:19:11 AM: Nordia: what club u go to?
10:19:20 AM: Kirk: loin cloths and pasties?
10:19:38 AM: Nordia: funny
10:19:44 AM: Kirk: hahah i'm just teasing u
10:19:53 AM: Kirk: i dont go to clubs i'm on my house party grind
10:19:53 AM: Elizabeth: haaaaaaaaa
10:19:57 AM: Kirk: its a recession
10:20:06 AM: Nordia: what looks worst my apperal or the women who come in hear like they just rolled out of bed?

ok so yes i am an instigator for laughing in the chat... however, is this chick for real? she is obviously retarded... i mean i know my blog posts are riddled with punctuation and grammar errors... i know this... but i also know the difference between hear and here, worst and worse, and apparel... i don't know what the eff apperel is. maybe it's her too small clothes.. hmmmm

i laughed out loud for real at loin cloths and pasties. that is HILARIOUS!

word....

2009-02-20T10:42:00.002-05:00

chris says i want to save the world. that could be true. i dunno... i mean if i see someone in despair, i try to think of how i can help that person. if i see someone panhandling, i'll spare some change. i pray for random people all the time, but save the world? not so much... i guess i am just a compassionate person for the most part. who knows?

anyway, i got some of my favors in for my comic book themed birthday party so I am starting to get excited. the only snag is that i can't seem to stop buying sneakers. it is a sickness... and it's cutting into my b-day party fund. i am probably over 90 pairs now... chris needs to count them again for me. there are so many i want though... uuuhhhg

this is turning out to be a more boring post than normal... sorry about that! LOL!

Chris and I are supposed to be going to meet my friend pink shoes girl for margaritas and salsa at On The Border tonight... I don't think he knows though. ha. i will probably NOT be going to see Madea goes to jail... i might but i am not really beat.. i mean, if you've seen one you've seen them all...

i think that is all for now folks!

SMH

2009-02-18T10:38:00.003-05:00

so i have a lot of siblings... 6 younger and 1 older half sibling to be exact. my older half sis didn't live with us til i was a pre-teen and she was gone a few years later, so I pretty much have an eldest child mentality. with that being said, i am so thoroughly annoyed with one of my younger sibs.... correction... i am annoyed with all of my younger sibs but for different reasons.

lets start with claw... claw is my oldest younger sibling at the ripe old age of 25. I am extremely proud of her because she is currently purchasing her first home. However, i am *smh* at her because she is still in a waaaaaaaaaaack relationship... and she only has one semester left of school and still hasn't finished. i think she is like 12 credits shy of a degree.

sister #2... lets call her lexus. lexus is 22 will be 23 in may. Now she did finish school and is working in her field. making a way for herself. BUT, i am *smh* at her because she is obsessive over her bd. like stalks his cell phone, facebook, myspace. it is seriously unhealthy. i feel sorry for the dude... like can he live? can he breathe? it's bizarre.

sister #3... this one we'll call hood. now hood is exactly that. hood-riffic. It's so funny because i can't understand how we grew up in the same household. i mean, we did grow up in the hood, but we weren't raised to be hoodrats... anyway, hood is 21 will be 22 in oct. (yeah, my parents were getting their freak on). Hood is 21 and does not have a resume. how is that acceptable? i don't understand... no seriously... i don't understand. how can a sister of mine, of working age, with all her mental capabilities intact, who is literate, not have a resume. I mean, i can see having a resume that needs some work... but to not have one at all... are you serious? so i told her to get her arse on word and use resume wizard... takes all the thinking out of it. this chick had 85 million excuses as to why she couldn't or wouldn't. uhg.

my 1 brother is 18. he will also be 19 in may... actually on the same day as lexus. weird i know. but anyway, he is retarded. he is 19 and still in high school. I mean he is only a year behind but he is in danger of failing again. why? is he slow? is he retarded? dyslexic? perceptually impaired? cognitively challenged? no! none of the above! he is just lazy... lazy to the point that i want to kick him in his arse. the only thing he gets enthused about is food, cars, and video games. so cars have been his passion since he was a baby. literally, at 2, this lil nig could tell you the make and model of every car that went past. and now, he can identify any car by the engine... how do i know this? chris showed him pics of engines and he was likeoh that a such and such. wtf? you are obviously not retarded. so what is the problem? uhhg!

my other two younger siblings are 10 and 7 (i think) HA! they are angels. i'm not shaking my head at them at all... they are the only hope besides myself for my family! LOL!

anyway, i had to vent. they p-ss me off with their foolishness. especially since there is no excuse. we grew up in a two parent household with lots of love even if there wasn't lots of money. We were taught better. Was I the only one present for the lessons? I don't understand it. I try to talk to them. I really do. I just found out last year, that they apparently value my opinion. Lexus told me last that she was preggers because she thought i would be disappointed in her. hood, said she looks at me like a second mom. i am always there for them. but when i tell them they are being retarded jerk-faces, they don't listen. i gotta pray....

**nina i think this requires a wooosah for real! LOL!

SCRABBLE TOURNAMENT!

2009-02-16T12:55:00.000-05:00

sooooooo we are having a blogger scrabble tournament! we have 5 people playing so far... let me know if you are down!!

weekend in a nutshell...

2009-02-16T09:13:00.002-05:00

so chris and i met nina on friday night and she is adorable! she was in philly and that was too close for her to be and us not meet her. so it was cool. we spent about an hour or so talking and laughing. the time fleeeew by. didn't even seem like an hour but she is the cutest!

after that we went over my friends house and they held us hostage til about 2:30 a.m. me and s-dot played with makeup while chris and kev played playstation. we were drinking 3 olives cherry vodka and red bull... so we were wired... ended up playing guitar hero and scene it for the rest of the night! Chris and I won scene it twice because "WEEEEEEEEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!" yes I am that obnoxious when i win! LOL!

so that was friday night. Saturday morning, Chris gave me this JUMBO card, while i was still in bed. lol.... i cracked open an eye and saw this giant sized card. it was so sweet. we went to the Rodin Museum in Philly... which was very cool. nerdy like us but cool. we went to dinner later that night at La Famiglia and it was wonderful! the restaurant is small and it was ridiculously packed in the little bar/waiting area. our reservations were for 9 and we didn't get seated til about 10. but the staff was exceptional and the food was fantastic. i am still thinking about my dinner! mmm mmmmmm! it was a really sweet, well-thought out day. and it was all a surprise. Chris researched and planned everything... I heart him!

so sunday we got up and i was supposed to pick up one of my god-daughters for church but there was a screw in my tire and the tire was flat. and apparently we were missing the tool to get the jack to work or something. i dunno... i'll have chris write about that later.

anyway HAPPY BELATED V-DAY everyone! i am at work and miserable. but i have the memories of the weekend to cheer me up!

25 randoms

2009-02-12T09:27:00.002-05:00

so i'm sure everyone has seen this on facebook... but as i don't feel like doing a real post right now AND none of you (except chris and momma e) are my facebook friends anyway... here ya go...

1. I have about 4 or 5 different entrpreneurial ideas floating in my head. some more developed than others but 1 will eventually be successful.
2. I love the Lord with all my heart. word.
3. I can't stand judgemental people. it's ok to have an opinion.... not ok to judge!
4. I'm much smarter than most people think I am...
5. I am probably the most giving person you'll ever meet. it's hard for me to say no to helping someone. even when they THINK they are taking advantage of me. I usually know they are users but can't seem to say no if i have it to give. I feel blessed to be able to give it in the first place.
6. I have a secret desire to sing (kind of) but I have stage fright...
7. I am deathly afraid of spiders... I mean seriously afraid... afraid to the point of tears!
8. I met the love of my life through a freakin blog of all places... go figure
9. I am starting to feel very domesticated again after a long hiatus from all things domestic.
10. I can keep a secret better than most people. if it is really important that i don't tell, i won't.
11. I really only have a few friends who have genuinely been there for me during the lowest points in my life and they were none of the people who i always thought would be there. weird how people grow apart.
12. I love throwing parties... that is one of my ideas... if i could just figure out how to get started for real...
13. I totally believe in the power of prayer and i will often pray for a stranger on the street or for a famous person. I pray for lauryn hill all the time. she needs to make it back from her breakdown.
14. I have an overwhelming desire to help young girls become great women. I'm tired of seeing girls grow up to be women who don't respect or love themselves... which is why i started a mentoring program with the help of my friends and church.
14. I believe "big brother" exists and is watching us all!
15. I am allergic to pineapple... it is not that bad, just very inconvenient at times
16. I can break out in hives at the drop of a dime... i may have the most sensitive skin ever!
17. An attractive personality and disposition always wins over just an attractive face.
18. I worry about my siblings all the time. more than i talk about. I am always concerned about their well being.
19. I miss my puppies, Kai and Lily... I cried hysterically when Lily got hit by a car. she was my baby. Kai is with the ex and i miss her too. she is a great dog.
20. I've wanted to name my first daughter (whenever I have one) Sasha WAAAAAAAAY before Barack became president and I am annoyed that everyone will think that is where i got the name when really I stole it from Sheila! HA!
21. I love love and all things associated with love.
22. I can't wait to have the means to do all the things I desire to do.
23. I want to see the world. I am hard-pressed to think of somewhere i absolutely would not visit. maybe antarctica... but then again, I would love to see the northern lights... hmmmm
24. I taught myself how to ride a bike and how to swim... next on my list is roller skates!!
25. I love when I can see all the stars in the night sky. so beautiful... i am often awed by creation...

Birthday Madness!

2009-02-04T09:57:00.002-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS! I love you and I am so happy you are in my life. You mean the world to me and I will make sure I show you just how much I appreciate you and all that you do, today and everyday. You are a blessing to me and who would have thought I would meet someone on blogger of all places that is so perfect for me and everything i was looking for and more. you compliment me and you balance me and you complete me. Here's to you sweetie. May this birthday be your best ever and just the beginning of what's to come!

Happy Birthday Nina! You are wonderful and FIERCE girl! don't let anyone or any situation dim your light or strangle your voice! You are a force to be reckoned with and when you finally come into your own, the world better watch out! I am praying for you and may all the good things in life gravitate to you. out with the old and in with the new!!

ok I am off to bake cupcakes for Chris' b-day

my annual b-day party and other stuff

2009-01-30T10:55:00.002-05:00

so those of you that have been reading this since the beginning pretty much know that i throw myself a birthday party every year with my friend dee. Or birthays are exactly one week apart with hers being march 12th and mine being march 19th. They have all been pretty successful. I think it started when i turned 23 and i threw a party at the M Lounge in Philly... and i just did the club party thing for a few years... then on my 26th birthday, i had an 80's party... the favors for that party where old school goodie bags filled with all types of crap.. now and laters, lemon heads, button candy, candy necklaces, garbage pail kid stickers, friendship bracelets... a bunch of 80's stuff... the place had graffiti pics up so it went well with the theme, and we had old toys on the tables... like slinky and little green army men and jacks and those . For my 27th birthday I had a chocolate themed party. the favors for the chocolate party were oversized martini glasses filled with miniature godiva and rocher chocolates and 5 of the glasses had a "golden ticket" in it. whoever got a golden ticket was able to get a free birthday drink from the bar... (the place where i had the party made a signature cocktail for the evening which was a spin on a chocolate martini called a chocolate covered cherry). we had chocolate covered strawberries (that i made myself) and pretzels on the table.... that was a big hit.
last year we did an asian themed party. we had it at this place called swanky bubbles which is a champagne lounge and restaurant. there is an upstairs to it which is very loungy and our favors were chines take out boxes filled with mini paper fans and green tea and ginseng and customized fortune cookies and fake asian money. we had a few trays of appetizers (potstickers and sesame chicken strip things and something else i can't remember). we also had a 2 hour premium open bar for our guests. as you can probably tell, i spend a lot of money on these parties. even though i technically throw them with my friend dee, i come up with all the ideas and themes and favors and i always end up spending way more money than she does. i don't particularly care because i can not have my name attached to anything tacky... so i'll spend a little extra for things to be how i like them. well this year, dee is turning the big 3-0 so she is doing her own thing and i am doing my own. I think this is the last one for me. i haven't been feeling it lately... i mean i am very good at party planning/throwing... but why am i spending all this money for other folks to have a good time and only like 5 people bring gifts or gift cards. so this year is the last party i throw myself. next year, when i turn 30, i am planning a trip to Negril, Jamaica for whoever wants to go and then that's it for me. I'll gladly plan other people's parties but i don't think i will do anymore for myself.
i wanted to go out with a bang but i decided to just do a skating party. roller skating like back int he day. i can rent the rink from 11 pm- 2 am and it includes the dj, food, and security. favors this year will be t-shirts i am having made... this is slightly obnoxious but i am going to TRY to photoshop a pic of myself so that it looks like a comic and put a talk bubble that says something referencing 1980 and put that on the t-shirts. i'm not sure what yet. i haven't thought this particular party all the way through yet but feel free to give some suggestions and I'll keep you posted ont he progress.

whyyyyyyyyyyy

2009-01-29T11:59:00.002-05:00

is it taking me forever to get this dag gone blog post typed up? i've had this window open for 3 hours and can not seem to get anything down. i mean i am at work so i keep getting calls from these loser customers but sheesh. i can't even seem to get anything typed between calls. i am on lunch now which is the only reason i am able to get this much down...

***Deep Breath****

ok i am better now. so the auto show is coming to Philly this week 01-31 to 02-08. of course, the chris and i are going... i go every year. it's good fun... we are going to the melting pot first which is a fondue place... yum! that should be interesting.

in other news... i've come to realize that age really doesn't stop some people from being retarded. I don't feel like going into the whole story now but there are some older women i have to deal with for a committee/auxillary that i co-chair. and these chicks (some of them) are slow. like SLOW. like ride the short bus slow... that was a little mean but for one thing, they don't respect me because at 28, i am one of the younger members. actually only one person is younger than i am. so they like to disregard my opinions and suggestions. I wouldn't care if they had sense. but it is painfully obvious that these ladies are disorganized, and scatter-brained. uhg... it's annoying me to even type about it.

next

i have to complain about the hookers at my job again... sorry.
these hoochies really come up in here like it is a fashion show. now let me insert a disclaimer here: I am not talking about people who take time to put a nice outfit together and come to work looking fashionable... i am referring to the harlots who wear clothes that are totally and completely inappropriate for the office. especially an office where there is no dress code, and jeans and sneaks are permitted... something has got to be wrong with someone who needs to wear everything super tight and low cut on top and extra short on bottom. whyyyyyyyyy? there aren't even any real hot dudes up in here to try to impress. and the busted dudes that are here are looking at these chicks like they are hoes... they get no respect from anyone. the dudes treat them like a joke and the women look at them real cock-eyed. one of these birds just walked past. i mean, we all have days when we are feeling extra sexy and our wardrobe choice for that day may reflect that. but there is a way to be sexy without being offensive. you can be sexy and classy at the same time. and that is about more than what you are wearing. it's reflected in your speech and stature and gait. it is based on how you feel about you. if you know you are a star, everyone else around you will see your star quality even if you are in a northface extra long parka and a funny looking hat on. this isn't even what i initially set out to talk about but that just irked me to my core... could be because last night at bible study, this young chick in there was pushing up on this dude that just started coming to bible study... i mean pushing up HARD... basically just throwing it at him... highly inappropriate for the church house. and said chick was just trying to give it to a different dude in our church like last week. but that guy she had been trying to mess with for a year. i call her "the sausage" cuz all her clothes are too tight and she lookes like she will bust out of them at any moment. but yeah the sausage needs some help. did i mention the last dude she was sweatin, her sister had tried to talk to him first? yeah... and then she came at him. so he told her he wasn't really interested in having a girlfriend and she said the classic line, "we could just hang out. i don't have to be ya girl. so what's up?". dude now has a girlfriend that comes to church with him and the sausage had the nerve to be like "oh you can't speak since you with ya girl now"... that irked me. and now she is trying to push up on the new dude. there is nothing wrong with showing some interest in someone but come on...i know i am wrong for calling her the sausage... yall pray for me!

2009-01-27T09:12:00.005-05:00

I went to see My Bloody Valentine 3-D on sunday... and it was just as cheesy as i thought it was gonna be... Chris and I went out to dinner with another couple i am friends with and after dinner we went to the movies. My Bloody valentine was the next thing showing so we just decided to see it... i did jump a few times but this movie was more funny than it was scary. it was pretty predictable. so predictable in fact, that i figured it out then convinced myself i must be wrong because it can't be that obvious. for the most part it is the exact cheesiness i was expecting. still more enjoyable than Notorious. sorry

Verizon still sucks but I am thankful to have a job. It could be worse. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I had all these things i wanted to talk about when i started this post but now i am not really feeling like it... I'll try though

so life with Chris is pretty cool. about what i expected... we enjoy each other's company and it feels like a real partnership. we are still learning each other and learning how to get around disagreements. I am learning how to not react so much and to just chill and shut up sometimes... which is hard for me! and i can see where Chris is trying to not jump to conclusions and what not. we are doing well. and he is my bestest friend. so here are some pics

me and my daddy...

sorry for the hiatus...

2009-01-19T10:20:00.002-05:00

but life has been really hectic and crazy as of late. There have been a ton of changes in my life as i am sure you know from reading Chris' blog. today's post has nothing to do with that. what it does have to do with is why I hate going to see "black" movies at the theater...
chris, me, and roommate decided to go to the movies to see Notorious last night... we didn't have anything better to do and felt like going to the movies. shouldn't have been a big deal right? right...
so we are in the theater and the movie was literally just getting to the meat of the story when some young people down the row from us started being loud and obnoxious. it was obvious they were prob high and they had smuggled alcohol in the theater. so they were being completely ridiculous and some other young kids in the row behind us was said something about group 1 being corny. so what does group one do.. they get louder and one dude stands up and is basically tryin to fight the kids from group two. now, i feel the need to stop here and explain some details. group one was probably in the 19-22 range. group 2 was like in the 16-18 range. ok, back to the story. so someone from group one felt the need to stand up and ball up something he had in his hand and throw it at the little kids from group two ten started threatening them and getting completely extra... acting like he was gonna shoot the boy int he theater. so we left... got our money back... AND got some comps. I'll go see it at a matinee. or bootleg... i am not beat. the whole top half of the theater was out.
and as disturbing as all that was, that was not the worse thing i saw that night... what was worse, was the woman who had her 3 kids with her to see notorious. like seriously no. that is so not appropriate. and her kids were young. one was on her hip probably about 1 years old or so and the other two kids looked to be under 5
whyyyyyyyyyy would you bring them to a movie that is riddled with drugs and violence and cursing??

that's all for now... i am getting annoyed even thinking about it....

UPDATE!!!

2008-12-31T10:36:00.003-05:00

as far as the miss new booty situation... the results are slow but i am sooooo not sticking to my meal plan. I told my trainer that i was not gonna be back on track until Jan. I knew Thanksgiving and Christmas were gonna have me off my game and well... i've pretty much been eating what i want since nov. so starting in Jan, I am going to be serious about my meal plan again, and keeping a food journal. that should be helpful. the good news is, even with the cheating, the results are apparently showing. this morning, a co-worker who i barely know, came over to me and said, "girl i just had to say something because i keep seeing you losing weight like crazy. what are you doing?"
so i responded, "thank you so much! i am working out twice a week with a trainer!"
so she says,"well it shows... i've been noticing for a couple weeks now you keep getting smaller. you go girl!! keep it up!"
That was so encouraging! it did make me smile! i can tell in how my clothes fit and stuff but i didn't really think it was that noticable...

so as you all read on Chris' blog... yes we are engaged. I am excited and happy and looking forward to our life together. I know it's not going to all be peaches and cream and i know there are gonna be rough patches and times when we are going to be overwhelmed and disenchanted. But i also know that I am strong enough to deal with the challenges... and smart enough to not let the little things turn into big things. I know Chris and I still have a lot to learn about each other and that learning process will be ongoing. I also know that we have love, respect, and communication in our favor so as we learn each other and as we continue to grow and experience the ups and the downs that come with all relationships, we will be come more complete individuals. we balance each other out... I feel calm around him and we enjoy being around each other in silence or in conversation... it's just a dope relationship and a dope feeling to be appreciated and to know that you are with the right person.

I'll recap Christmas later... gotta get back to work.

Oh, but I can't leave close this post without giving a big shout out to Poppa C! HA HAAA!!! I'm just kidding... Luv ya!

bah humbug

2008-12-24T13:09:00.001-05:00

it's Christmas Eve and here I am, at work.... miserable. this place is absolute torture. I can not understand why people feel the need to call here and harass me over foolishness. For example, the customer I have on hold now wants a supervisor because we charged her for directory assistance. seriously. i'm like lady beat it. we have been charging for 411 for a long time and you are not getting a credit. she is retarded. it just irks me to my core to have to do this all day. and it has the nerve to be busy. like.... shouldn't people be out buying or wrapping gifts or something??

on another note, why are the meteorologists on the news so dang dramatic? this morning, i was watching the news and they were saying how there was a ice storm over night and all the roads are covered in black ice so if you don't have to leave the house, stay in. yeah well i decided to go to work anyway, and not only was there no ice, but i got to work faster than ever. granted there weren't a lot of people on the roads but still... way overly dramatic weather forecast this morning. I guess the northern part of the state was more affected than the southern...

there really is a lot on my mind right now... i just don't know where to begin and i don't want to offend anyone so i am gonna just sit with my thoughts a while. when i figure out how to say what i want to say, i'll update...

sooooo

2008-12-13T09:30:00.004-05:00

i'm at work on a saturday... booooo
this is absolute torture. but whatever. i'll live.
I have almost NO Christmas shopping done. I know what I am getting everyone... just haven't really purchased that much... I have all the M.A.C. gift sets i am giving out... and I was done shopping for Chris in like oct. my mom wants a kitchenaid mixer with the pasta attachment so me and lil sis are splitting that. all of my nephews are getting sneakers from me. my two god daughters will probably get gold earrings or maybe a cross pendant... I'll probably get my dad like some quality cognac or something... i dunno. i know what i'm getting momma e but i can't say cuz she reads this sometimes! lol...
i have no idea what i am getting poppa c (ha haaa) or my room mate... no clue. what really sucks is that i am just gonna have to power shop next weekend because i have no other time to do it.

anyway enough about that.

I am going to see Cirque de Soleil in Atlantic City tonight. I am somewhat excited. It's bizarre that I am even going though to be honest. my friend s sent an email to me and pink shoes/scrabble girl asking would we go to the show. but i must have misunderstood because i thought she was asking like would i go theoretically like would i go ever in life. so pink shoes said the same thing and then like a week later, s emails us again like okay girls i got us tickets to go on the 13th. so i was confused because how do you just pick a date and buy tickets without saying anything. i have no clue what she was thinking but i felt obligated to go. i'm sure it will be fun but i am tired... lol. so anyway a few weeks after she bought our tickets, she saw people selling them online for like $400 each. tickets in our section which were $30 were now $400. so of course you know what i said... sell my ticket immediately. but s physically has the tickets and didn't want to sell them. she's like "i really want to go" aaargh. so whatever. i'm going. i'll have fun. we are supposed to go to dinner first at my current fave restaurant in the quarter. carmine's...

mmm mmmmm mmmmmm!

until next time amigos...

maybe i am bi-polar...

2008-12-08T17:08:00.003-05:00

cuz i definitely don't feel like continuing my rant from before...
i do, however, feel like talking about how much I despise my job. I mean they pay me remarkably well (I made just about 80k my first year), and the benefits are fantastic but the job itself is ridiculous. no it's not even the job, it's the work environment. It is so unbelievable negative... the morale is non-existant. the reason is some people get away with muder while others are being susp and fired for the alightest infraction. And our union does nothing about it because the people getting away with murder are union members as well. It is just so unbelievably disheartening. seriously. but i can't leave. not right now anyway... i know i would be hard-pressed to find a job paying me what i am making now without a college degree. And aside from the pay, I've won a ridiculous amount of stuff over the last 3 years... a wii, 3 tv's, 2 laptops, an 80 gig iPod, maybe about 2k in gift cards macy's, foot locker, etc. I love all of that. I love winning prizes... I got the majority of that in my first year and a half. the perverbial well seems to have dried up. and on top of that they are now routing our sales calls overseas and to 3rd party vendors so they don't have to pay out commission. and that is fine if that is what the corporation deems necessary. but in the last year and a half outr sales objectives have quadrupled (not exaggerating) with less payout and less sales opportunities. to top it off, we get to deal with the backlash of the vendors making up prices and telling the customers whatever they want to hear... whether it's true or not. i can't stand it. i dread coming into work. I start half-way having anxiety attacks on sunday nights thinking about coming to work on monday... something has got to give. at what point to i put my mental health and well-being over "stuff"? I am not going to make any rash decisions... I am gonna stick it out and pray for the best... I don't want to leave Verizon necessarily but I do need to get a new position STAT... uhgggg

on a completely different note... have you ever seen someone's ex and gotten mad at them for even talking to someone so atrocious? like how annoying is that? am i the only one that gets mad at that? ha haaa... especially if there was no personality to make up for it... just completely wack on every level...

fin.

i promise i am not bi-polar...

2008-12-07T08:38:00.004-05:00

But I do feel much better... we talked about it and I choose to forgive and move on. I did however, start thinking about different type of women and why some are so willing to settle for whatever they can get. I have at least one friend that could fit in every category i am about to talk about. and believe me, I am not jusging necessarily... just curious as to what makes these hoes tick. lol

seriously though. the first group i want to talk about are the emotionally competitive folk. these are the chicks that are not interested in a dude until he is interested in someone else. is it the "want what you can't have" syndrome? this is pretty annoying... i mean, if someone is trying to date you, talk to you, whatever, and you are blowing them off, making plans and flaking, etc., why do you think that person would continue to pursue you. the chase is only fun for a while then it gets old. now i call these people emotionally competitive because as soon as the dude starts showing interest in someone else, all of a sudden, they want to start calling and asking for kisses and shit. that is retarded. it would be one thing if you actually liked the dude but if you are just trying to throw him some play because his affection is elsewhere, that is selfish and ridiculous. how little you must think of yourself if you need someone else's interest to make you feel good. even if you are not interested back. this type of title can also be extended to the girls that wants everyone in the room to want them. this is the chick that is cool as hell until a penis walks into the room and then they turn into a seductress. I do have a friend that does not like any dudes until someone else in our group shows interest first. then she makes it a point to try to get with the dude first whether she really likes them or not. that is crazy to me. she even went so far as asking my ex-fiancee, while we were still together, if he wanted to sleep with her. she just needed the satisfaction of knowing everyone in the room wanted to screw her. that is weird. and yes i did check her on that. what i want to say to this type of woman is: Learn to validate yourself. Don't depend on men's attention to make you feel like you are pretty or desirable. know that ish in your head. If you think you are hot, everyone else will too. and there won't be a need for you to act like a whore to get attention.

NEXT

Tramps- these people, I have no patience for. tramps like to screw unavailable dudes, just to see if they can. again they are usually not even interested in the guy they are messing with. just want to see if they can. they get some sort of sick satisfaction out of knowing they got someone to cheat on the person they claim to love. they are the ones you hear saying, "well if she was all that, why he with me?". HE'S NOT WITH YOU... He is using you as much as you think you are using him. wake the hell up. getting someone to sleep with you does not make you special. it makes you easy and of low morals and a TRAMP!. I want to say to these chicks: Stop being #2. Please take a dollar and go buy yourself some self-esteem. know that you are worth more than just being someone's side jawn. want more for yourself... and for those of you that are saying, oh but it's just sex. stop lying to yourself... you can not just sleep with someone repeatedly and not become attached to them emotionally... which is how people end up being mistresses for years. and honestly if it was really just about sex, you can find sex from someone unattached so go fly a kite with that one.

To be continued...

OH btw, I love love love my new google phone! It is the bomb!

stormy weather...

2008-12-03T16:36:00.003-05:00

disappointment is very hard to swallow at times. I'm learning to lower my expectations to avoid being hurt. I've always thought the majority of people were inherently good and there were really just a few that weren't. that opinion is changing more and more each day. can anyone be trusted anymore? With all I've been through in life, I've managed to stay open to people and optimistic. but this... this may be the proverbial last straw. I don't want to become jaded or bitter... this too shall pass right? I don't want to lose my trust in people all together... i just don't know what to do. i mean. i know i want to forgive and move forward. i just don't know how. i don't know how to absorb the hurt and the pain spiraling through my body and refocus it to something positive. i don't know how to not let this affect my level of trust. i am like thinking about it obsessively. the more i try to not think about it, the more i start thinking of possible scenarios. possible outcomes... my imagination is running out of control. do i just close myself off? become a cold, hollow shell of my former self? that so goes against the very fabric of my person.
i'm done.
the end.

this is the longest post ever....

2008-11-30T20:24:00.004-05:00

So Chris has been out here visiting me in Jersey for the past 10 days or so and it has been splendid. I love him... and I love when he is here. I am still trying to finagle some time of from verizon so I will be able to go out there to visit him and momma e and big c and the grannies. i miss them all even though i haven't spent too much time with them but chris and i are connected and that makes me connected to his fam as well.
so thanksgiving with my family in maryland was fun... the food was delicious. I got there early and helped my momma cook. we made turkey, ham, lamb, stuffing with sausage and dried cherries, cornbread stuffing, cornbread, mac & cheese, candied yams, corn, potato salad, collard greens, tossed salad, and of course the gravy. well what i actually made was the cornbread dressing, man & cheese, the grazy, the candied yams, and the glaze for the ham. my mom made everything else. she also baked 2 apple pies, 2 sweet potato pies, and a pecan pie the day before. while the various items were baking, my younger sisters and i decorated a pumpkin that my mom hollowed out and used for a vase. we used paint and nailpolish to make leaves and i wrote Happy Thanksgiving with purple nailpolish then added glitter. before we ate, we went around the table saying what we were thankful for and everyone had something meaningful to say. especially my dad... he was saying how he is thankful that he is able to provide for his family and that none of his children are criminals or strung out on drugs and that he is thankful for his grandchildren and that he gets a chance to see them grow. it was so sweet and heartfelt... so sincere. i thought he was gonna start crying but he manned up. ha haa... so we ate, told stories, and laughed at my dad saying retarded stuff. we watched a movie. then chris and i came home...
so Chris asks me if he can take my truck to go to best buy early in the morning on Black Friday. I couldn't venture out because i had to work black friday but i told him if he was geeling confident then he could take it. he was saying something about going to best buy looking for some external hard drive or something so i didn't think much of it. now the whole week prior to thanksgiving, i had been trying to get guuitar hero for my wii and for some reason i never got it. when i was finally going to go buy one, chris is all like, you should play with it first to make sure you like it. so i still wasn't thinking anything of it. i was just like uh ok. anyway back to the story... so chris gets up at like 3:30 and leaves for his black friday excursion. i was sleep! I have no idea when he got home or anything... all i know is my alarm went off at 7 and i got up and turned on the light in my room and in the middle of the floor is a huge bag of stuff and a homemade card from chris saying "Merry Christmas!!! I know it is a month away but I am not gonna be here so I wanted to give you your stuff now. I hope you like everything." I was so shocked... i had no idea he was trying to surprise me but it was sooooo sweet. i think i squealed! He got me a crap load of jeans and sweaters... and i was just complaining that i needed sweaters... i felt a little guilty because i know he is not working right now and i really was not expecting or needing a gift from him. so i was super excited. i loved everything. so i thanked him profusely and had to rush to get ready for work. so i go through my morning routine and as i was leaving, chris followed me out to the living room which was a little strange and he was just chatting with me but i got my coat and was about to leave and chris is like ok i didn't get the response i want so you must not have seen it.
and i say, seen what?
and he says look down
so i look down and i am looking at my feet and the Jordan 5's I had on thinking to myself like is something different? did he clean them? relace them? what?
then he says now look to the right doofus
so i look over and RIGHT beside my foot is the stinking Guitar Hero I had been trying to buy. i was so stunned, it was so sweet and thoughtful. i was so surprised. i really don't know how i missed that big box in the middle of my floor. lol. i dunno. i got him a lot of stuff for Christmas but this was so dope. it really was. so i had my christmas in november and it was fantastic.

we went back to md on fri and hung out with my family again... we watched kung fu panda and went to sleep. sat morning i made banana pancakes (from scratch) with pecan syrup and it was DELICIOUS! i also made some fried eggs and my mom made bacon. my dad made corned beef the way us jamaicans eat it with rice. so it was more like a brunch than a breakfast but everything was good and we went shopping with the fam.

then

I went to Sonic for the FIRST TIME. OMG! it was fantastic! mm mmmmmm
so after that we went back to the parents house and watched some movie. hung out a little bit then came back home. so on the way home chris and i had a fat moment. how? well we used my new google phone (which i ABSOLUTELY LOVE btw) to find the sonic nearest my house. i had no idea there was any near me and lo and behold not even 15 minutes away in PA, a big, beautiful sonic. so yes we went again before we went home and got some sticky bun ice cream thing... sooooo good.

well Dexter is on now so i'll have to continue another time. but all is well... there is a big part of the weekend that i am leaving out temporarily but i will blog about it sometime next week. i'll explain why then... okay i am missing dexter and he needs to kill miguel. like he has to. there is no other option... uhg i love this show...

recap

2008-11-24T09:30:00.002-05:00

so i know it's been a while... sorry for the delay. i have been very busy as usual. so first let me update you on the miss new booty sessions! so i've been working out for about 6 weeks now. i missed one week out of the six so i technically have worked out twice a week for 5 weeks with my trainer. sooo i don't see a huge difference but i do feel the difference. i do have more energy and i am definitely stronger. my jeans fit better. i can see my thighs have slimmed and my waist has slimmed some. my upper arms have slimmed some. my workouts have gotten harder but i am able to sustain them... i don't get as sore as i used too. so all in all i feel better. i have been cheating on the meal plan though. i can't even lie... lol. not cheating terribly but enough to slow the progress down. i have to get serious though.

in other news... chris is back in nj as i'm sure you all already know. i really like having him around. he is my snuggle muffin! LOL! he got to experience his first family gathering at our annual pre-thanksgiving get together. The saturday before Thanksgiving, my roommate and i, have a thanksgiving get together at our place for our families. we do this since people always have so much to do ont hanksgiving and people sometimes feel torn as to whose house to go to or they are rushing trying to make all invites. my little apartment was completely packed with people and kids. it was loud and ridiculous but so much fun. i have not laughed so hard in a long time. we ate and talked and laughed and played taboo. taboo was ridiculous... the kids played dance dance revlution on my wii... it was good times. so my turkey day plans are pretty much to go down to my parents house and relax. i have to work friday then shopping shopping shopping all weekend!!

i'll see if i can post more later... like how chris almost killed us driving home from philly on thursday! LOL! he left that part out of his "the bridge is over" post....

i am pissed

2008-11-07T11:45:00.002-05:00

to the highest level of pissed-tivity... this has got to be one of the crappiest days thus far. it's been gloomy and rainy all week and i think that may be part of what is affecting my mood. i dunno... all i know is I woke up a few minutes late then i stepped on my glasses and i don't even know how they ended up on the floor but whatever. then i was stuck in traffic for 20 minutes because of some corny accident. that made me 15 minutes late for work... torture. then i get here and open my email and we get this lovely bit of information:

Good Morning Team,
A corporate decision has been made that Verizon will be open on Thursday, January 1, 2009. Our hours of operation will be 9:00AM to 5:00PM.
Wanted you to know in advance so you can plan accordingly.

what type of ish is that?!? are they serious? WHO is calling for new service on Jan 1st. NO ONE! what the eff are they thinking. we have never opened on new years day... this is absolutely uncalled for and i am P.O.'ed... aaaaargh. double triple aaaaargh!

other than that... christopher is back in IL and i miss him... he's coming back for thanksgiving though so that makes me happy and i am supposed to go out there for Christmas... however, effin verizon is being extremely gay. i have no vacation time available but i will have one comp day i can use for working veteran's day. but i can't use it the day after christmas so i really don't know how it's gonna work out yet. i'll probably end up just calling out and taking an occurance.

my sneaker collection is growing rapidly... i have about 50 pairs now... and that is added to my 80 pairs of heels/boots etc.. it is such a problem.

i am off to make my Christmas wish list... that should cheer me up. maybe i'll post it when i am done.

everyone is going green...

2008-11-06T10:53:00.003-05:00

so in honor of the new environmentally friendly attitude the world is taking on, i've decided to recycle... while i still throw soda cans in the trash instead of the recycle bin i don't have, i have decided to recycle this post from a few months ago.. i was curious how it would come out since i've added some stuff and... well... it's pretty funny!

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your iPod/ music player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
I'm Still Standing- Dorinda Clark Cole

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Ride- Prince

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pussy Control- Prince (this is really what came up on my ipod... that is HILARIOUS)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Can I Walk With You- India.Arie (this is soooooooooooo true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
That's How Long I Love You- Chi Lites

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Anointing- john p kee

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
touch and broken bones- the hives

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
passenger seat- death cab for cutie

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Out there Grindin- DJ Khaled

WHAT IS 2+2?
West- Prince

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Hangin on a string (contemplating)- Loose Ends (this is true of my homegirl Dee- she crazy)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
A day Without You- Art Porter (chris must have put this on my ipod cuz i have no idea who this is) oh i just listened to it- smooth jazz stuff.. interesting

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Self Conscious- Kanye West

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Big Dog Status ft. scarface, T.I., & UTP- Lil Wayne (ha! this is true)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
How Could It Be- Eddie Murphy

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I Know- Destiny's Child

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I was Made to Love Her- Michael McDonald (aaawwww... take notes chris!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Milestone- Miles Davis (true)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Girls and Boys- Prince

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
When the Day Met the Night- Panic at the Disco

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Back to You- Men of Standard

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
So High f/ J. Ivy- John Legend Solo Sessions Vol. 1 live at the knitting factory (DOPE version of so high)

I'm better

2008-10-27T08:06:00.001-04:00

I feel a lot better... i don't have time now but i will explain more later. i am still stressed and still overwhelmed but no longer falling into depression. uhg... i have to get to work... torture

the blues

2008-10-23T09:20:00.003-04:00

i know i haven't posted/commented in a while. but i think i am falling into depression. i am not a person that gets depressed often. actually the last time i even came close i was breaking up with the ex-fiancee. and that was more of an emotional breakdown. and before that, i can't remember ever really being depressed. i am an optimist by nature but something has happened to my mental state. i don't know what this is. i'm in a funk. i feel like i am just falling deeper and deeper and no matter how hard i try i can't bring myself out. like quicksand.. the harder i fight, the faster i sink. i am overwhelmed. i can't stop crying. even now. there's too much going on to even type but i will try to talk about it more later. for now, please pray for me.

R.I.P. BOOG...

2008-10-14T10:45:00.006-04:00

I am really having a hard time today. i found out one of my friends and co-workers at verizon died on saturday. in all honesty, i am really not sure why this is affecting me as deeply as it is.
here is the article

Apartment fire kills woman in Northeast

A 26-year-old woman was killed in a fire that started in her apartment in Northeast Philadelphia Saturday night.
The 9:30 p.m. fire was confined to the bathroom of the victim's first-floor apartment in the 600 block of Waterview Lane, off Woodhaven Road, Deputy Fire Chief Joseph Picozzi said. The apartment is in one of several three-story buildings in the St. Ives apartment complex.

Picozzi did not immediately release the identity of the victim. The fire, which was brought under control in 20 minutes, is under investigation.

there is speculation as to whether or not she took her own life. i just don't know what to think... we weren't the best of friends but i just always looked at her like a lil sister. we would argue about everything... friendly arguments but arguments none the less. She was just so cocky, always talking trash... but i could see past the bravado to the hurt that was inside. even the "arguments" we had were more or less just me trying to get her to see the bigger picture... i always wanted her to be "better"... it was just a weird, complex friendship that we had. i will miss her even though i didn't talk to her everyday, i talked to her enough to feel the loss. i mean 26... i am in such a diffent place now at 28 then i was at 26. so much has happened and so much is yet to happen. i know it is cliche but her passing definitely made me examine my own life and beliefs. as corny as it sounds, it made me value my salvation... it made me really value and appreciate the grace of God. i say that because i have put myself in more than a few situations that could have turned out very badly for me, i have made decisions that were irresponsible and just flat out dumb and dangerous. i realized that i could just have easily not lived to be here typing this but God had some mercy on me. i know i don't talk about my beliefs that often on here but it is a major part of my life... i just feel like maybe i was taking some things for granted. i am so sad about this. sincerely heart-broken. there are so many things i wish i said to her... i dunno.

RIP Kyra -aka- Boog

I am gonna miss you...

Miss New Booty: session 2

2008-10-12T20:04:00.002-04:00

so on saturday, i had another session with the trainer. it was harder than the last one! we started with the bike again to warm up but longer this time. the "hard minute" almost killed me. from there we did jump rope. i haven't jumped rope since i was about 14... it was more tiring than i remember. from there we went to the floor to work with the big ball thing again. then wee did some boxing type stuff and that was fun. from there we did some light weights to work my shoulders. 3 measly pounds in each hand but my shoulder muscles were BURNING by the end of it. torture... so all of this was in an hour. my muscles feel like they are going to go on strike... i am sore as heck... I am scared to go back on tuesday but this is what i needed. it's about time i started taking care of myself!

so as promised here is a sample of my meal plan...

7:00 AM- oatmeal w/ a banana or whole wheat (not enriched) bagel w/ organic fruit spread

10:00 AM- 25 grapes or 25 blueberries or an orange or an apple or 20 RAW almonds (you get the idea)

1:00 PM- grilled chicken over salad w/ organic dressing ( no corn syrup or additives)

3:00 PM- repeat 10:00 AM

6:00 PM- grilled salmon of chicken or turkey w/ any 3 veggies or small amount of brown rice.

and i am supposed to drink a crazy amount of water...

I am gonna start the meal plan portion of it on the 22nd so i'll keep you posted on that as well!

Miss New Booty! session 1

2008-10-08T11:06:00.005-04:00

That's what I was expecting from my exercise session last night with the personal trainer. But I was pleasantly surprised that is not what i got at all. Last night was the first of 8 training sessions with Rick. I was very worried for a few reasons... 1- he calls his gym "the dungeon", 2- my cousin, who is way more in shape than i am, threw up after his first session, and 3- i am soooooooo not in shape it's not even funny. so anyway, i get there and rick is very nice, personable, not a weirdo like the vision i had in my head. and he explained every thing to me. what the exercise was and why we were doing it and how it's going to help. i learned a lot. so apparently, since my goal is the triathlon in june, we are focusing on white muscle fibers instead of red muscle fibers... never knew there was a difference but essentially working the red muscle equals bulk and the white equals tone and endurance. we started out with me on a stationary bike for about 15 minutes. and towards the end of that time, he turned the resistance up and made me give him a "hard minute" of pedaling as fast as i could with the resistance high. dude... 1 minute of that and i was fittin' to PASS the bleep out! LOL! so from there we went to the bosu and i had to balance on that sucker and do squats... like this

that was way harder than it looked. okay so after that, he straps these resistance band things to my ankles. and we did some stuff with the big ball thing. and then we did some light 2.5 lb. weight for my arms. i was hurting. but it was well worth it. i felt good afterwards. i am still not ridiculously sore but i think that will happen tomorrow. day 2 is always worse. so my next appt will be on saturday at 12 and i have to do 30 minutes of cardio on my own one day this week. i also have a meal plan to follow which doesn't seem too hard. i'll try to post some "before" pics and my meal plan later this week.
i'm excited and i definitely think i made the right decision. triathlon aside, almost everyone on my dad's side over the age of 40 has "sugar". and we are all chunky butts... sooooo this is motivation to get in shape for my health and well being as well as proving to myself i can do it!

I can do it!!!

2008-10-01T13:55:00.002-04:00

so i have decided to participate in a triathlon next June. it's a three part race with swimming half a mile, biking some miles (i forget how many but i want to say 13 or 23) and running 5k. yes i am chubby as hell and yes i have not seriously exercised in years BUT I am determined and dedicated to doing this. I got a trainer who specifies in this sort of conditioning and our first meeting is next Tuesday. He is putting me on a meal plan and i have to meet him twice a week for an hour in "the dungeon" which is what he calls his gym. i am nervous already but i am excited as well. i will be posting my progress with some pics during the next 8 months...
So far 2 people have laughed at me and said i am not gonna do it... little do they know... i can be quite determined. AND i will do this for the satisfaction of proving them wrong. Really though, i am doing this for myself. i want to prove to myself that i can do it... that anything is possible. so you guys pray for me and we'll see what happens...

frinkles and sand tastles

2008-09-26T20:44:00.010-04:00

so chris was out here last weekend and we had a grand time as usual. didn't really do too much... he met one of my bestest friends dee.. and we pretty much hung out. he tested for verizon and did well so that is good news. things are moving so fast now but i am excited more so than anything else. there is some mild anxiety because i don't want him, or his family, to be resentful of him moving out here. but the selfish side of me is ecstatic.
oh so maybe i should explain the title of this post... Saturday we went to Asbury to the beach with my sis and her 3 yr old son. So we are walking along the boardwalk and there was someone building a sandcastle so my nephew goes "Look!! A sandtastle" so we chuckled and i was trying to tease him so i asked "that's a sandtasle?" and he goes "NO not a sandtastle, a SAND TASTLE!" so a few minutes later, we stopped to get some snacks and my nephew declared he wanted an ice cream cone with frinkles. you already know i had to tease him again. so i go "frinkles?" and he goes "THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAAAAID!! I SAID FRINKLES!" so we went back and forth a few times but it was so cute.
i don't really have anything too deep to say tonight.... but i did promise mama ede that i would post tonight! anyway here are some pics.

me and chris... aawwwww

me and my nephew with chris sabotaging the pic

chillin in the apt

my sweetie at my apt

wtf?

2008-09-09T13:18:00.003-04:00

so this morning, i am watching the news, getting ready to start my day and i see this craziness...
some dude on a train got attacked by another dude with a hammer... for no apparent reason. this is so bizarre on so many levels. the attack happens about a minute into the video

i want to know if that was the attacker's child that was with him? what makes someone haul off and beat someone with a hammer? did he want the seat for him and his kid? who took the kid when he got off the train beatin the mess out that other dude? why did none of them grown ass men on the train even try to help. at least restrain dude? i honestly don't know how i would have re-acted if i was a passenger on that train when the attack happened? i mean... i definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything physically but i just don't know. i find this extremely disturbing. i really need to know what provoked him. the kid looked like he was falling asleep... was he snoring? does the dude know him from somewhere else? i dunno but here is the news interview with the dude that was attacked.

what would you have done?

happy monday

2008-09-08T08:33:00.003-04:00

My Eagles killed the season opener!! I mean in all honesty it was a pretty boring game because it was such a tremendous blow out... but it was a nice way to start the season.

And here is my favorite player... Brian Westbrook!

Chris says he is mediocre (he's hatin') but i love him... love, love, love him. i watch him every week... entire games...not just on espn clips soooo there you have it.

anyway this weekend was pretty uneventful.
We had a visit from Hurricane Hannah on Saturday.... that was interesting. It was technically a tropical storm by the time it hit the Del Val but it was still more storm than i like to see. We generally do not get extreme weather out here so i am a big punk when it comes to hurricanes and what not. I mean, i was fine until the Emergency System came on EVERY channel... talking about tornado warnings... no thankyou! i am in an apartment... i have no basement. so i went around the corner to my neighbors house since they have a basement. i guess i may have over-reacted slightly but i don't play with stuff like that. eff that.

wow... that was the highlight of my weekend... that is pretty sad! LOL!

I'm Back

2008-09-03T11:27:00.010-04:00

I'm back from visiting Chris and I am still processing the whole weekend. but all in all, I had a great trip! i got to meet his family and they are awesome (not just saying that cuz he reads this). I did get interrogated... but that was to be expected! I was dumb nervous... i was trying to just be myself but I didn't want to be too goofy. i dunno, i was pretty much just a quieter version of myself... i was intimidated! chris' mom is super cute! so nice... so warm. definitely helped my nerves having her around. his dad is a nut! so funny... so so funny. i can definitely see the similarities in personality. It was definitely cool. i think my meeting the family went well. the only one i was really scared of was his grandmother. but i love her personality. i think she is funny, how she says stuff. but i didn't want to laugh and have her think i was retarded. but i like her. i hope she liked me too... i think she did but that was only like 2 days... so i'm looking forward to the next trip out there so i can get to know them all a little better.

i will give more details later when i have time... but for now, here are some pics!

so saturday, we went to uhm... somehwere... i dunno chris will have to fill in these details because i don't know what the names of anything is but this is at a wine bar place we went to... and yes chris is doing something weird in the pic.

my wines

chris' wines

so after the wine tasting and walking around to the diff shops on the street, we caught the train to somewhere else to go to the Hard Rock Cafe.
my first time on the train.. well waiting for the train

self portrait that chris sabotaged with his big fingers.. lol

us... yes i am as short as i look in this picture...

this is us on monday before going shopping with his fam...
and yes we are corny and yes our t-shirts match! LOL!

i'll probably talk more about the trip later when i have more time...

***i don't know what's up with the pictures but i can't be bothered to upload them all over again soooo you still get the point***

what the....???

2008-08-25T17:35:00.003-04:00

first of all... why they show look wack?
why is there like only some fake smoke and that's it?
why k-ci keep singing with his bird chest?
and why did the audience start clapping??
and why did the girl taping it keep saying pick him up like someone could hear her?
and why the bouncer scoop him off the stage like that?
and why did no one seem concerned except for the girl taping?
and whyyyyyyyyy did i laugh HARD at this video?

so sad....
they probably used to him passing out...
drugs are bad.. mmmmkay

I don't get it...

2008-08-22T13:11:00.002-04:00

so the chick that sits next to me at work is completely bizarre... I mean she is bizarre for a number of reasons but today she took it to a whole new level. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I was dating anyone and I said yes. So she then asks me if I think it is going to work out. So again, I said yes. then I asked her why she was asking because we are not really cool like that. So she proceeds to tell me that she is trying to find a wife for her brother. My response was uhhhhhh ok. I mean what was I supposed to say to that? So she goes on to tell me that he is thirty and she is tired of him being single and she is ready for him to settle down but she doesn't like any of the girls he dates. My response to that was uhhhhhh ok. So anyway, I thought the issue was over with. Then this morning, I was talking to my other neighbor and I see this chick's hand outstretched with her phone in my face. It caught me off guard so I was like what the heck are you doing? so she says, very casually, "oh im taking a picture"... like that is normal. So I was like, "well why are you taking a picture?" and she says, "to send it to my brother. I told him about you so he wanted to see what you look like." so I said, "ok and did you tell him I have a boyfriend?" and she said, "well I'm just waiting for yall to break up." what in the sam hell is wrong with people??? that is so psychotic. I mean I guess I should be flattered but i just think it is weird. It's not weird that she wants to set her bro up with someone but it is weird how she is going about it... and it''s super strange that she thinks i would fit the bill for some reason. we are not friends. I joke with her about work but that is only because we share a cube wall... i dunno

ooooh and i saw Mirror last night with pink shoes/scrabble girl. it . was. WACK!
ok maybe i am being overly critical but it was not good. it had potential... it wasn't THAT bad. but it wasn't that good either. the last 30 minutes was the best part of the movie. and the "twist" at the end was dumb.

and can someone PLEASE tell me whyyyyyy Gwen Stefani named her son Zuma?? why why why??? i mean... that is not cute. Zuma sounds like a remote village in a third world country... actually, it reminds me of that clear malt beverage.... ZIMA!!

remember Zima? do they even still make that crap?

Naked Juice

2008-08-19T11:36:00.003-04:00

I loooooove them! mmm mmmm... well the ones without pineapple. YUM! my favorite is mango... i mean they are thick and heavy so i really don't drink them with food because that would be too much.

so i never went back to caribbean festival on Sunday. one of my cousins got into a pretty bad car accident sunday morning and no one really wanted to go. i ended up chillin with a gi-normous migraine... taking 2 aleves... then going to the movies to see Tropic Thunder.... i laughed. could it have been funnier? sure... but i still enjoyed it. i won't spoil it in case anyone wanted to see it.

i am going back out to the chi labor day weekend... looking forward to it.

i haven't really been watching that much of the olympics... i don't really care either.

my friend has had my ipod for like a month. he was supposed to be putting music on there for me... so he apparently finally got around to it so i BETTER have it back by Friday or it's gonna be something! especially since he made me promise to make him baked mac and cheese as payment... he could have at least been timely about it...

i am in a weird mood... don't really feel like talking about it just yet. but i will post again later. gotta get my thoughts together

two posts in the same day... wow

2008-08-16T22:24:00.010-04:00

so saturday, my sis calls me to ask if i am going to the annual caribbean festival on penns landing. i wasn't really planning on going but i told her if she came and picked me up, i would go. we met up with my mom and other sisters and my cousin and his kids. we decided to park in Camden and take the ferry over to Philly. here are some pics on the ferry ride to Philly.

the philly skyline

me representin with my jamaica hat!

so far so good, right?

yeah.... no
we got there and no caribbean festival in sight. at all. apparently the caribbean festival is on sunday not saturday. but all was not lost because there was an Indian festival going on so we decided since we were already there, we might as well check it out. i loved it. it so appealed to my geek side. i figured since i was already there, i might as well embrace the experience and try something from another culture. my sister and i decided to get henna tattoos.

lil sis getting her henna applied

my henna application

here are some kids dressed up... i thought they were adorable

i'll spare you the pics of all the kids but here are some i took on my way back to camden from philly. this is probably my favorite picture of the day

"a squirrel and a can are the same thing when you are holding a b b gun!"

2008-08-16T11:28:00.003-04:00

so i decided to stop being lazy and force myself to post something. it's not like i don't have a lot to talk about, i just haven't felt inspired to type it all out... i am gonna force myself to try to get it out now.

first things first...
my weekend with Chris was super fantastic. i dig him... we are just so compatible in a weird way. so chris met my family and some of my friends... everyone likes him of course. so friday when he got here, we went sneaker shopping and then to dinner then hung out with my friends (my roommates cousin and her husband)and that was cool... then saturday we hung out with my friends kev and shauna... that was really fun... kev and shauna ended up going to dinner with us at Marrakesh. after dinner we decided we were gonna go to a hookah place and that was ridiculous. i didn't know where it was exactly so i google searched on my phone then called the one that seemed closest to us. when i called the restaurant to ask where they were, the dude that answered said they were in old city which is a section of philly i am familiar with. we get to old city via my lil sis who came to pick us up, then we park and we are looking for the place with no luck. i pulled up this address and off we went again. we walked about 7 blocks back to where we started from and the place was right there... torture. it was also closed by the time we got there... AND it was not in old city at all but actually in Queen Village (a diff section of philly). it was still fun hanging with kevv and shauna and laughing at how retarded we are... sincce hookah was closed we went to this place called North where i used to hang and i had a few b-day parties there. when they closed, we came home and passed out. sunday Chris came to church with me then we went to maryland to meet my family. he fit right in with my family which is super cool. he didn't seem intimidated by the crazy jamaicans at all which is def a plus. i don't know why i was really surprised considering how he and i interact already. we are so comfortable around each other and that is especially weird to me. this is probably gonna sound extremely corny but one of my favorite moments while he was out here was saturday morning... i made some coffee for chris and a cup of tea for myself and we were just sitting on my sofa, chris on my computer downloading music and me reading an entertainment weekly magazine... we weren't even talking to each other but it was so intimate in a weird way... and very comfortable. like it's always been that way. i dunno... i guess i am starting to sound a lil psycho so i will move on...

work...
sucks.

next
i wanna see that new scary movie Mirrors... i LOVE scary movies! but alas, i have no one to go see it with me... roommate doesn't watch scary movies and pink shoes/ scrabble girl is in Vegas.

so i decided not to go to Costa Rica in Feb like i was originally planning. why? well... .it's too stinkin expensive for me right now. i would rather go somewhere less expensive and stay longer. so now i am thinking about Cancun or St. Maarten... i dunno... any suggestions? i wanna have it nailed down by sept!

well....

2008-08-13T13:20:00.006-04:00

i'm too lazy to type and actual post right now but here are some pics of the weekend...

this is us at dinner at Marrakesh... a fantastic Moroccan restaurant in Philly

These two are me dancing with the belly dancer.... i have no idea how i got suckered into doing that... lol

a pic of us.... kinda blurry but i was trying to get a pic of the Ben Franklin Bridge in the background to show in the pic...

and another pic clearer but no bridge

last one from dinner... i don't know why chris refuses to just take a normal pic... but at least his eyes are open!!!

that's all for now..

no strike

2008-08-03T08:23:00.002-04:00

our contract is up as of today and the latest word is no strike. i am pissed. why? because last week was one of the most tense weeks at work. they had me wearing red everyday, had us clean off our desks and take personal stuff home so it wouldn't get "misplaced" during strike time.... all that.... all that JUST to say we are gonna work without a contract. wtf? and this is exactly what management was telling us. when we said we were walking out they laughed in our faces. matter of fact on Friday, our manager said see ya on monday! and chuckled. the only reason i am a little bit relieved is because now i can go get my coach shoes i fell in love with on friday.

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!!

finally friday! yessssssss (napoleon)

2008-08-01T11:58:00.003-04:00

so i am going to a shoe party tonight... a stiletto party. it sounds really fun. i have my FLY ass $550 ashley dearborn shoes (i only paid $160)... i'll post more about that next week as i will probably be home on strike.

so i am in a few different chats during the day at work. here is the one from today... we really are retarded... i didn't bother changing names because you can't see the whole name anyway... oh and the whole fake spanish accent thing... i really don't know where that came from but sound it out and it makes sense... heh heh

***disclaimer: most of the people in the chat are hispanic... well there are 2 cubans, 1 puerto rican... then there is 1 haitian, me, and one american...

Me: morning lovelies!
Sylvia: Morning Honnies!!
Magdalena: Morning Chula's
Martine: hey people!
Sylvia: HEY MAMA
Martine: how abt i accidentally told my hubby i bought his cologne from walmart
Martine: lmao
Magdalena: lmao
Me: which one did you get?
Sylvia: HAHAHAHAA
Tesha: ur such an air head yo
Tesha: lol
Sylvia: LMAO
Martine: nah..cuz somethin funny happen to me at walmart yesterday which i was abt to tell him abt..but even b4 that..he was like...u got this on ur lunch
Martine: i was like no...i dont have a car..i was like this is weeks in the making!
Martine: i got him polo
Martine: lmao..so he laughed and was like yea ok..lmao
Martine: so then..later on..we were just chillin and i accidentally blurted out...yea..so i went to walmart today...and i caught myself
Martine: lmao..and he was like BUSTED!
Sylvia: HAHAHAHAHAHHA
Martinei was like...ummm..ummm...what had happened was..lmao
Tesha: y dude like yea i need the channel line up -b im like print it from web - he like no i did the glassy paper
Tesha : oh yea sir
Tesha : well guess what
Martine: but listen to this tho..it gets better...so i felt bad..but i was like that's ok..we got mexico coming up..and i'll surprise him w/somethin else...so i kinda justified it in my mind..then tell him y later on..as i'm making him dinner..he just looks at me...like he wants to tell me somethin
Sylvia : WOW..let me find out
Martine : so i'm like what? then he was like nvrmind..the moment passed..i was like just tell me..he was like nah
Martine: so i'm like whatever..then outta know where..he just hands me this jewelry box
Martine: and i'm like GET OUT!
Sylvia : Christ almighty
Martine: i was like omg..tell me it's an empty box! he opens it and it's a diamond bracelet!
Martine: i was like OMGAAAAA
Martine: LMAO
Sylvia : ahahahahahahahahahahaa
Sylvia : wow mama wow
Sylvia : does Daybee have a brother?
Martine: i was like u didnt have to do that....we got a trip coming up..we're going on strike..u didnt have to..so he goes so i guess these earrings would be outta place then
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: and i'm like OMGAAAA again
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: and it was a pair of diamond earrings!!
Sylvia M. Rios/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: wow
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: so i felt this small
Sylvia M. Rios/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: holy wow
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: like i got him walmart cologne
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: lmaooo
Sylvia M. Rios/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: awwwww dayum
Sylvia M. Rios/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: u will make it up to him
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: actually i did make up for it!
Martine E. Stephenson/EMPL/NJ/Verizon: it was on and poppin! ok this is where the story stops..lmao
Me: LMAO!
Me: i was about to say
Martine: lmaoooooo
Sylvia : HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Me: i HOPE you acted like jenna jameson otb
Martine: LMAOOOO
Martine: true!
Me: (YAY I USED OTB)!
Martine: yay!!
Sylvia: hahahahahaha so proud i am
Magdalena: lmfao
Magdalena: martine u might be the worst otb!
Magdalena: hahahaha im kidding
Martine: LMAOOO
Magdalena: omg he is great yo!
Martine: i really am
Magdalena: awwww
Martine : thx mama
Sylvia : MAMA HE REALLY IS
Sylvia : I was jealous when i saw him open the door for u
Sylvia : I was like wow..dudes do that?
Martine : awwwww...thx..yea he's a goo hubang sontines
Sylvia : lmao
Martine: lmao
Me: heck yeah! let someone get me ! diamond earring
Me: like not even a pair
Me: shooooooot
Martine: lmao
Me: i can't even tell you the despicable things i would do for that person!
Me: lol
Martine: lmao
Martine : i'm dyin
Sylvia : hahahahahaa
Me: hope that doesn't lower your opinion of me girls
Sylvia : u said EARRING
Sylvia: IM WEAK
Me: true
Martine: lmaoooo
Tesha : lol
Sylvia : ummmmmmmmmm, if possible I LOVE U MORE NOW
Sylvia : hahahaha
Sylvia: cuz Im a fresh pants
Sylvia : the end
Magdalena: lmao @ liz
Magdalena: UMMMM NOOOOO
Magdalena: never!
Magdalena: as a matter fact..
Magdalena: let me find out you wont do dispicable things otb
Magdalena : might be a convo between u and bellz quickly!
Sylvia : hahaha
Me: i promise if one more person asks about a dayum channel guide i am going to flip
Me: seriously
Me: losers they all are
Tesha : yeah i hit justin up this morning abt that
Tesha : i have yet to get a response
Tesha : lol
Magdalena: LOL
Me: how about i have cable and they ain't give me not even 1 channel guide... did i call crying and complaining
Me: ?
Me: NO!!! effers...
Me: i hate them all
Me: sorry... i had a moment... it's all okay now
Magdalena: lol
Tesha : u really did - lmao
Me: because yo this old broad screamed on me for 4 minutes about how absurd it is that she only got one channel guide
Me: i wanted to tell her she was lucky to get that.
Magdalena : lmao
Tesha : true
Tesha : stfu
Magdalena: bad!
Me: i mean seriously... WHO looks at paper for channels when you can use the guide on the screen?
Magdalena : eff her
Tesha : old people
Magdalena : exactly!
Me: true
Tesha : my dude talkin abt he need 5 glossy covered line ups
Tesha : hahahhahahahaha
Magdalena : them be the same mofo's that will lose it in a week.. then call back again
Magdalena : eff them
Tesha : cuz regular paper rips
Tesha : lmao
Magdalena : yeah tell him to eat a d
Magdalena : i want some crab rangoon
Tesha : cant
Sylvia: haysooooooos
Tesha : i know u do mama
Tesha : double order
Sylvia : ima ball with that shrimp tonight dammit
Sylvia: tesh..me and u
Sylvia: OTB
Tesha : true mama
Sylvia : hahahahaha
Magdalena: yeah NO..Im balling with 3 orders of crab rangoon
Magdalena : yall mad?
Sylvia : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Sylvia : U MAD IMA GET A BURGER TO GO OTB
Tesha: yo im abt to shake my mini, get me bodied is on
Sylvia : awwwwwwwwwwwwww shucks
Me: i'm straight freeloadin
Me: thanks
Sylvia: lmao
Tesha : hahahaha
Tesha : u freeloadin liz
Sylvia : there is no freeloading amongst family
Tesha: lmao
11:24:28 AM: :: Cecilio joined the chat. ::
Cecilio: oh mii gaaa
Magdalena : lol
Sylvia : hola my freng!!!!
Martine: hola Cecilio!
Cecilio : Syl gwas da mata fo ju
Martine : lmaooooo
Cecilio : hola Maltine
Magdalena: hahahahahahaha
Sylvia : noseeng papa
Martine : lmaooooo
Cecilio : ju r bery callada
Magdalena : lmao yo!!! he has me dyin every single day
Sylvia : jes...I dong know gwas rong weeth me
Sylvia: I ang going thru somesing
Sylvia: i yus need un dreenk
Magdalena: me too and some crab rangoon
Sylvia: jes
Me: i'm about to drink now
Me: these cus are wack
Sylvia : hahaha true
Cecilio : oh mii gaa loo its lisabet
Sylvia: jes
Cecilio : hiyee homie
Martine : lmao...LOO ITS LISABET
Martine : lmao
Magdalena: omigaaa
Martine: che r freng
Magdalena: dees laydee wants un chenel li uh
Martine : omgaaaa
Martine : if i get another call abt a line up
Martine : i'm gonna go postal otb
Me: see
Me: lol
Me: that's how i was feelin!
Magdalena: Jes. Eets a probeleng
Me: HIYEE CECELIO
Me: how you doin baby??
Cecilio: ooomiigaaa dis estupida gwane gno gwhy chi no hafe pikcho en 2 teebee. chi no hafe bosx
Martine : LMAOOOO
Cecilio : hi liz
Magdalena : lmao
Cecilio : i got some ignorant ish to tell u on the low
Cecilio : just for old times
Martine che no hafe recepchon en 2 teebeess
Magdalena : Oh yeah?
Martine : gwow
Magdalena : jes porque che no go bosses
Magdalena : bendeja
Cecilio : lol
Cecilio : guau i sinke iss tine to go hong
Sylvia : JES
Sylvia : I AGREE

it just keeps going like that... helps the day pass though! have a good weekend everyone... I'll update once i know for certain whether we are striking or not...

post traumatic slave syndrome

2008-07-31T08:28:00.002-04:00

thanks nas for today's title...
this really isn't going to be as deep as the title implies... but i am stressed out. this strike business is getting to me. well not yet but i have been a slave to verizon for the past 4 years and to think these n-words don't want to agree to any of the improvements requested for our contract. i can even understand not wanting to agree to new amendments to the contract, but they also don't want to agree to extend the contract with the current terms.... sometimes i feel like maybe we are asking too much since our benefits are 100% paid for and verizon pays tuition upfront and books... and my base salary is fantastic... especially since this is a sales job and i make commission in addition to my salary. BUT then i come in here and i am a SLAVE to verizon. i am chained to my desk, big brother watches every move, there is no room to breathe, it is HIGH pressure and at the end of the day i am required to make verizon $625k in revenue this month... just like all the rest of the consultants here. we don't get any sick days and there is zero tolerance for lateness... and we get a measly hal hour lunch. my head is usually ready to explode by the time i leave... i earn every penny i get here. so i am a slave to verizon and stressed out and looking forward to striking.

on a much lighter note, i realized yesterday just how sick i am and just how much i need prayer for my love of shoes... me and two of my homies (pink shoes/scrabble girl and Dee) were talking about my new found love of sneakers and dee was saying she wants me to go back to stilettos. pink shoes co-signed... i had to remind them that my shoe collection is still fabulous and i still buy other shoes... i just didn't realize there was a whole sneaker culture and i am totally drawn into it. so the convo eventually progresses to dee asking me if i could get a bmw to trade in all my shoes would i do it. and my answer was honestly no. I actually felt a twinge in my heart when thinking about actually parting with ALL my shoes. simply couldn't do it. but i would think about it really hard... so dee and pink shoes told me i was crazy. which i concede, may be true. BUT i needed stipulations... i mean are we talking a base model 3-series or a fully loade alpina b7?? so i decided i would only be able to part with ALL my shoes for a 745 Li, an Alpina B7, an M6 or an M5, or the hard top convertible (i think 325) fully loaded of course. pink shoes girl still thought i was crazy but then said she wouldn't cut off her hair for a car. and i think that is crazy! i would walk around bald as ghandi for a hyundai accent much less a bmw!! but she said she would give up a toe before her hair because she can disguise not having a toe but not her hair. even though dee pointed out her hair would grow back and her toe wouldn't... so who is really the crazy one??

also

2008-07-28T14:37:00.002-04:00

i'm thinking about getting an industrial... not sure though
i just don't feel like dealing with the healing process and i would prob only keep it like maybe 3 or 4 years...
i dunno... gotta think about it some more.

this is an industrial

yes or no?

random

2008-07-28T11:58:00.002-04:00

i have a few things floating around in my brain...
first things first

so i never talked about this when i came back from florida but i was really weirded out with disney world taking pictures of my fingerprint to get in and out of the various parks. we had park hopper passes so you can go to all the parks in disney as many times as you want. i understand them wanting to make sure people aren't sharing park hoppers but fingerprints? it made me uncomfortable... and the conspiracy theories overwhelmed my brain. i mean it's been a few years since i've been there but when the heck did this start??
that is all i am willing to say about it at the present time because i am slightly paranoid! LOL!

next.

i went to see the x-files movie last night... it was lame... and i am an x-files fan. it wasn't nearly as suspenseful as the episodes were. the only satisfaction in the movie is finally seeing scully and mulder as an actual couple... there weren't even any aliens in it...

next.

so the strike situation doesn't seem to be getting any better. i heard the rally in new york was a success. lots of people showed up... mostly from new york and new england... not so much from new jersey. but it looks like we are definitely going to strike. so we'll see what happens. Verizon postponed payment of our quarterly bonus until 08-06 which will be during strike time so those who don't have computer/internet access are gonna have a harder time cashing out. (we get our payouts in points that can either be converted to cash or gifts/giftcards or combination). people are getting riled up in here. i'll find out saturday at midnight whether we are definitely striking or not... stay tuned

and last

one of the perks of our job is that there is no enforced dress code. we can literally wear whatever we want to work... most people wear jeans and sneaks... casual wear for the most part. but then there are the chickens that come in here like it is club verizon. one chick in particular is always inappropriate. her boobs always almost exposed bouncing around and she walks with her boobs poked out to the front and her butt poked out to the back. it annoys me because it is not cute... it's whorish. this is not the strip club...
UUUHGGG!

cnn... and other stuff

2008-07-25T11:28:00.003-04:00

i am so glad i am not the only one who was utterly annoyed by the cnn special about black men in america last night. i'll admit that i didn't watch part 1 about women and families so i don't know tha spin on that part. but part 2 was some foolishness. i just don't think it was a fair or balanced portrayal of black men or the real struggles they have to deal with. it seemed like the only successful black men besides spike lee that were interviewed all had identity issues... issues trying to fit in with their black contemporaries. maybe i am naive but i don't think that is a fair representation. they couldn't find one successful black man that didn't have those issues? i could have suggested a few.

so i started this post a while ago but had to take some calls and these wack customers have taken the wind out of my sails... so as much as i hate to just switch topics like this...

WHYYYYYY did Will get eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance??? america is a bunch of haters!! he was good... and his body was perfection... like for real...
see!

ok well you can't see that well in that clip but trust his body is the truth...

DANG IT!! another call... uhhhhg

okay i'm back... new topic.
so i changed my hair SLIGHTLY and everyone is acting like it is so amazing. i don't get it. like seriously i don't get it.
i usually wear my hair out of my face becasue hair in my face annoys me... the other morning, i was rushing and didn't curl my hair so it was straight and the back half ended up in a ponytail the front half just kind of looked like long bangs swooped to my left (i usually swoop to my right when i do wear my hair forward). nothing dramatic or fantastic but apparently eveyone likes it. i've gotten more compliments this week then ever. chris thinks i'm dumb that it annoys me but it really isn't that serious. most people just said they liked it and it's cute but then one dude said it made me look exotic... and another dude i'm cool with was like damn you're really beautiful. i was just like uhm ok. thanks.
now day 1 of this new style, i did catch my reflection somewhere and was surprised that it was pretty cute since it required absolutely no effort and i did wear it the rest of the week but i still don't get the response... eh whatever

TGIF!! woooo hoooooo!!

oh and 2 weeks til chris visits! YAY!

stolen from monie!

2008-07-24T15:08:00.004-04:00

so i changed my display name from jirzygurl to liz since chris had my name all on blast anyway... didn't see the point in leaving it jirzygurl...

aaaaaand we stole this from monie! (but left out the questions that didn't really pertain to us and chris added the ones about the ipod and artist)

Name: Chris
Age: 25
Height: 5'10.5ish"
Weight: "I can't make it without biting, ask Owl."

Occupation: Product Performance Management

Okay, enough about you. What do you LOVE about me?: Smartest woman I know outside of my family, cute, funny, interesting, insightful, stylish, playful, attentive, caring...I can't continue...must go on to next question...

One thing I do that drives you crazy: making more of the situation than what it actually is

One thing I do that you think is cute: the way you word/say certain things; like -ing words.

Weirdest thing I do: Claim that your feet are normal sized...there aren't that many women that share shoes with toddlers... (whatever!!! my feet are normal and i wear grade school not toddler... hmph!)

Do I have a hidden talent?: The ability of adaptation...making someone feel loved from hundreds of miles away.

What was our first date?: Well...I'd say driving from O'Hare to Downtown...the scenic route!

What was our SECOND date???: Walking around Water Tower Place

What would you like to name our potential, maybe, if you act right, kids?: Well, I like Jasmine or Denise...and for a boy...Blaze or Rufus! (i'm cool with denise... my parents were actually going to name me that after deneice williams the singer but then my mom had a dream or something weird like that and changed my name... i'm actually okay with blaze too... sounds like a weed smoking superhero)

What's one thing that someone could only know if they lived with me?: You are self-conscious of your drool...even though it doesn't matter.

What would you change about me?: Your zip code

What Artist do you like that you wouldn't tell anybody about? Barry Manilow...for real.

What CD do you have on your iPod that you are ashamed of? Best of Fiend - There's one in Every Family

wanna know what i said about chris???

the countdown continues...

2008-07-24T08:29:00.002-04:00

so chris comes to visit in 15 days but that is definitely not the countdown i am referring too. our union contract with good old verizon is up on 08-03-08 and we have not agreed on a new contract yet. that means 08-04-08 we go on strike unless something happens between now and then. i must say we knew there was a possibility of strike for a while now but i always figured it would get worked out before aug 4th. the work environment around here is hostile to say the least. people are getting suspended left and right for stupid reasons. they cut our overtime and they are sending our sales calls to vendors. i am a little worried because i have money to cover august bills but if this goes into sept, i am screwed. i think i am going to try to get a part time gig somewhere during the strike so i can at least have some gas money coming in. i am nervous... the ideal strike for me would be 3 weeks.... enough time for me to feel like a little vacation but not enough to really be a detrement to my finances. beyond that is gonna start hurting.
the buzz on the streets is that upper management is anticipating a lot of scabs (people who cross the picket line) due to the state of the economy. Apparently they are thinking the union doesn't have the support of it's members due to the fact that a lot of us (including myself) don't attend the union meetings. i mean i can understand that line of thought because, for instance, there is a union rally in NYC in front of one of the corporate offices on saturday. i am not going. why not? because it would feel too much like work and i need my saturday to unwind from the week. it would be a 2 hour ride to NY then the 3 hour rally then another 2 hours to get home. that is a 7 hour day. and while i understand the union is fighting for my salary and benefits, i still am not going. that in no way means i am gonna cross a picket line though. absolutely not. which is why i'll be looking for a part time gig in the meantime. the managers here are all getting trained to take calls... it's gonna be ridiculous around here.

in other news, there is a free concert tomorrow night at Penn's Landing featuring Ledisi and Layla Hathaway... i am gonna try to con someone into going with me...

in other other news, i wanna give a shout out to EDE... thanks for the comment... i am looking forward to meeting you also... albeit a little nervous with you being who you are, but excited as well! I really appreciate what you said!!

my favorite things of the moment

2008-07-22T09:44:00.001-04:00

NAS- what can i say? this latest cd is FANTASTIC.... like from beginning to end. from the first track to the last. definitely a classic!!

The Dark Knight- Fan-frickin-tastic movie! i loved it. i saw it opening night while i was in Florida. midnight showing.... it was packed. i bought tix 2 days ahead of time and most theaters in the area were sold out. there were more than a few people that got really festive and came out in there finest joker costumes... seems everyone loves a bad guy. i don't want to talk about the movie itself for anyone who hasn't seen it yet (cough... chris... cough) but it is really good. definitely lived up to all the hype. i will prob go see it again...
here is a pic of my roomie with one of the dudes dressed as joker

sneakers: this is soooooooo chris' fault. i don't know how i got sucked into this world of sneakers but i am like so into it and it is so weird. i guess it isn't really that weird since i already had a shoe obsession but i am still amazed by how easily i got caught up in sneaker frenzy! my latest obsessions
creative recreation... i heart the colors

and i am so in love with this composition pack. like i think it is so cute... i want all three. the dunks high, low, and the air max! i love the notebook paper part... it appeals to my inner nerd)

and a better pic of the air max

Christmas Shopping: yes i started already! LOL! but when you see a good deal you have to jump on it.... and i have tons of people to shop for including 2 brand new nephews in addition to Asa. i have all 5 of my younger sisters and my brother... but i am thinking sisters won't be getting much this year since i will be shopping for their kids. i'll get something for my parents and for chris and my roomie and her sis and pink shoes/scrabble girl and a few other people. i have to shop for my 2 god-childen too... so yes i am starting mad early this year.

and last but certainly not least

my chris: i really heart him. i try not to post about it too much because he reads my blog and i don't want to seem cheesy but dang it this is my blog and i'll write what i want! he is coming to visit me out here in Jersey in August. saying i can't wait would be the understatement of the century!! i literally am counting down... 17 days to go... he really is like fantastic. he has some "only-child moments" but i think they are cute. he makes me feel like i am this great person that is worthy of love. real love. not convenient love but amore... the stuff in love songs. i seriously catch myself waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. like for him to turn into pyscho crazy person or something. i dunno... but he is in my favorites list for now. there... that wasn't too sappy!!

i'm back

2008-07-19T19:28:00.000-04:00

so florida was good fun. i got a little baby tan... like it might not even count as a real tan... like i am still yellow as hell but my freckles are a tad darker. anyway here are some pics

this is day 1

my favorite pic i took during a safari ride

day 2

epcot at night

dinner

the crew

dinner the last night

one word... yes it's stolen

2008-07-19T11:07:00.000-04:00

Where is your cell phone? charging

Your significant other? Chris

Your hair? reddish-brown

Your Skin? freckled

Your mother? fascinating

Your favorite thing? peace

Your dream last night? weird

Your favorite drink? tea

Your dream/goal? success

The room you're in? livingroom

Your ex? assinine

Your fear? hell

Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive

Where were you last night? apt

What you're not? stupid

Muffins? sure...

One of your wish list items? wealth

Where you grew up? Camden

The last thing you did? yawn

What are you wearing? clothes

Your TV? dusty

Your pets? nonexistant

Your computer? dell

Your life? unpredictable

Your mood? calm

Missing someone? always

Your car? Passat

Something you're not wearing? socks

Favorite Store? dsw

Your summer? busy

Like someone? yup

Your favorite color? white

When is the last time you laughed? earlier

Last time you cried? weeks

20 Things I've Realized

2008-07-13T08:38:00.000-04:00

1. I've come to realize that my legs....
are way more flexible then they appear

2. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will be filled with packing and planning

3. I've come to realize that when i'm driving...
I want to slap the bejeezus out of other drivers

4. I've come to realize that i need...
God

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
respect for losers

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
dumb ass broads test me.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I'll have a conversation with anyone

8. I've come to realize that money...
isn't as important as cocntentment

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
didn't deserve me

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..
me

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...
chris

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is smarter then most people give her credit for

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is..
my lifeline

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning...
it is a blessing and someone else somewhere didn't have the same grace

15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
i miss chris

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
not forgetting my plane tickets and remembering to pack my toothbrush

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is one of the best people i know

18. I've come to realize that when I get on myspace...
it's a good way to waste my time

19. I've come to realize that I really want...
contentment

20. I've come to realize that if I died today...
i must have fulfilled my purpose.

vacation here i come!! WOOO HOOO!

2008-07-11T13:16:00.000-04:00

so i will be m.i.a. next week since i will be in lovely disney world from monday - friday!! joy. i am so excited to not have to come to work. i am a lil sad that i won't get to talk to my chris as much...

and speaking of that weirdo, since he apparently dropped the ball on the video of the day, i'll leave this lil treat (courtesy of chris... gotta give credit where due)!

muahahahaa

soooo

2008-07-09T21:06:00.000-04:00

i went to see the incredible hulk the other day and it was ridiculous.

anyway

here is a PERFECT synopsis of the wackness of this movie... courtesy of my roommate.

48 minutes

2008-07-09T01:43:00.000-04:00

so it's 1:42 in the morning and i can't sleep. insomnia, it appears, has made a grand re-entrance into my life. it went away for a while. must have just gone fishing though because it is back with a vengeance. i think i know why though. so that is an improvement. i know it is a sin to hate but i really dislike all of my exes. every previous boyfriend that helped to contribute to the issues i have now that i am trying to deal with. see the problem is, when i love, i love hard. it's the real thing. and i am loyal and passionate and romantic and optimistic. but my past experiences have caused me to become somewhat jaded. i dunno. i am just re-evaluating my life and trying to decide what to do. i so want to just pack my stuff and move. just be out. be with chris. but that makes absolutely no sense. and i can't do that to my family. i doubt i would find a job that pays what i make now... i just wish i knew the future... that i knew everything would be ok. but i don't and it makes me nervous. it scares me to actually hand my heart over again. i am so tired of being hurt, tired of my friends telling me how great i am and how it is always their loss. i am tired of questioning what i could have done differently. i am tired of being sad. i am tired of being misunderstood. i am tired of being thought of as weak because i feel things deeply. i am tired of having dreams of fighting demons (weird i know but it happens randomly about once or twice every two to three weeks). i am tired of explaining myself and why i can't help but think the way i do... even though i know it is silly. should i just not say what i feel? should i pretend i am just tired? lies are a cancer... i'll take my chances with the truth. why am i not allowed to be insecure or need reassurance? why can't u just reassure me instead of getting upset with me?
1:54 a.m.
how am i gonna function at work tomorrow on only a few hours of sleep and with puffy eyes and stuffy nose? i feel bad for snapping on my lil sis. it's not her fault this melancholy fell over me. it's no ones fault really. just my own fears.

so i took this color test earlier. i guess i can post my results here.

Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things affording excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.
Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.

Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.

Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.

Your Desired Objective
Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offering quiet contentment and a sense of belonging.
Your Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.

right now i just want to not care anymore. i want to go to sleep and wake up and not have the pressures and emotional strain i am carrying now. i want to delete someone who accepted a friend request only after weeks of weighing her options... beat it bitch.
i want to help my mom deal with her stress
i want my grandma's hair to grow back and for her chemo to be over with. i want her to be healthy again. physically and emotionally.
i want my sisters to be good mothers.
i want to stop crying... it started again thinking about my grandma.
i am so overwhelmed. emotionally fragile. i feel like i need a flourescent orange "Handle With Care" sticker taped across my heart.
i wish i was someplace else... i wish i was sleeping.
2:01
my eyes are tired but my mind is racing...
what if?
what if?
what if?
i need to rely on my faith right now. i need to go pray. i have been neglecting the Lord and my time with Him lately. maybe that is why i feel like i am falling apart. maybe that is why i feel guilty. maybe that is why the demon dreams are back... and the anxiety.
2:08
sleep seems so distant. peace seems so distant.
i love chris. unexpectedly and totally and completely. like i would beat someone up for him... like there is a list of people who hurt him that i would love to stomp with my size 4.5 youth timberlands. stomp their faces in. i feel protective of him and i want to punch them all in the head. but he says it's not worth it and he is right. as much as i don't want to admit it. he is right a lot actually. i need him. he helps me and he makes me want to be better. he says i do the same for him. isn't that how it is supposed to be? so why the insecurities? i guess cuz i'm here and he's there. and there has always been the issue of another chick. hotsauce married his other chick. too short got busted with his other chick. the arteest i don't think ever let go of his previous chick. i know he still emails her. hell both of us are often on the same email. i dunno... i know in my heart that chris is so much better than them. for me at least. but i am so scared. so so scared to go through that heartache again. after hotsauce, i thought i was gonna have an emotional break down. it took me three years to tell another man i love him and mean it.
2:15
i guess i will try again to get some sleep
mr. sandman seems just outside of my grasp... my fingertips stretch to their limit trying to just get a grip on his coat tail. just a tug to get him to sprinkle some dust over here so i can sleep... i can almost feel the midnight blue velvet i imagine his jacket to be... and he has a top hat. my mr. sandman vaguely resembles mr. peanut. we haven't danced this waltz in quite a while... my mr. sandman and i. it's been a few weeks since we've had this dance... this flirtation i used to be an expert at. he would court me... lull me into a false sense of comfort and sleepiness. then turn and hightail it. taunt me with the idea of a good night's rest. he would flaunt how he lavished my roommate with hours of lovely sleep... precious hours that are ticking by that i won't be able to retrieve once spent. while i would sit watching... wondering when it would be my turn... yes i remember this dance now. i fall right back into the rhythm of it. my feet instinctively moving to the melody... even though my mind doesn't even want to acknowledge the familiarity of it all...

2:26
closing eyes now in hope of some peace.
why me?

***update***
i finally did fall asleep somewhere after 5 a.m.
now i am at work and i feel like i am being stabbed in the eyes...
uhhhhhhh

love is in the air

2008-07-08T13:23:00.000-04:00

sooo.... those of you that read this frequently probably already know that new crush = chris ... well what you might not know is that he is fantastic. we are so compatible on so many levels... it is, in a word, dope!

so i went out to IL this past weekend and i had a great time.
we didn't do too much on thursday since i got there pretty late.
Friday, we hung out most of the day then went out to eat and i got to meet Jon. that was good fun.
saturday... got up stupid early to go to the sneaker\car show. OMG! I am sooooooo motivated to get my sneaker game up. like soooo motivated. it's on. matter of fact i came home with 8 (YES 8 pairs of sneaks)... pray for me.

so the following is probably the most obnoxious thing i saw at the show

ok the car by itself wasn't that bad. but the owner wearing matching pants was

oh but wait i stand corrected...
this mayyyyy be worse... pimps up!

what is that?? VELVET?? and the jeweled gear shift is classic.

heh heh... i got a kick out of it.

so sunday we woke up late (chris' fault). but eventually went to the mall and the movies... Hancock was ok. i did figure out a main part mad early. but what can i say? i am a geek... then i got to meet Keli and Kwayland.

then we ordered pizza and watched a diff movie... just hung out. it was so cool.

and here is one of the few pics of me and chris...

uhhhhhhhg...is it weird that i miss him like crazy??

blah.......

2008-07-02T10:49:00.000-04:00

i haven't really felt like posting anything. i don't know if i am just overwhelmed with all that is going on but i can't bring myself to blog about anything... so... i will be on my voyeuristic tip, just reading all you guys and commenting so you know i am still here... this definitely won't be a year long hiatus like last time though...

til then

jirzygurl 101... new college pre-requisite coming to a campus near you...

2008-07-01T00:14:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I stole this from Chris who stole it from Monie who stole this from Diva. i have nothing better to do. this has seriously been probably one of the top 5 craziest weekends ever. i wouldn't even know where to start. but maybe tomorrow i will just start with friday and go from there. right now my brain is on overload... i need to decompress

1. I am dope.
2. I have the tendency to over think things.
3. My job makes me miserable...
4. but i am addicted to my weekly checks.
5. Yeah, Verizon pays
6. I am so tired
7. I am ADDICTED to shoes!
8. I may need a support group...
9. I love to sing when i think no one can hear me.
10. I wish i was brave enough to sing whenever i want, regardless of who is around
11. I love Mary Janes.
12. I am dope... oh i said that already... well i am
13. I love music
14. All types of music...
15. Even rock...
16. Even classical...
17. well not country
18. or bluegrass
19. or death metal
20. I often wonder why people make the decisions they make.
21. Like why make children they are not prepared to take care of.
22. Or what makes a man think it is ok to put his hands on a woman... ever
23. or why a woman would allow that to happen repeatedly.
24. Like, why go back?
25. Sometimes i get overwhelmed and just want to escape life
26. not like suicide
27. but like time out... i need a day where i am not worried about bills
28. or my siblings
29. or anyone's problems
30. i am feeling a little melancholy
31. and anxious
32. and insomnia rears its ugly head
33. I still have to start packing
34. excited about going back out to IL to see chris...
35. but anxious about it as well
36. I have no idea what i am doing
37. my life has turned out NOTHING like i thought it would
38. I'm kind of glad it didn't
39. I need to make a serious budget
40. and stick to it.
41. I think it is time to re-evaluate my friends
42. some may need to get cut
43. i am tired of being there for everyone else and it not being reciprocated
44. i hate that i have to dry each load of clothes twice
45. it totally messes up the flow.
46. i have two loads waiting to dry
47. good thing i have insomnia so i can stay up to dry them.
48. i hate when clothes don't dry all the way and they get the mildew smell.
49. gross.
50. i have to rewash it.
51. I am tired of wack ass chicks.
52. why must women constantly compete with each other?
53. why don't they realize they had their chance and the effed up?
54. why don't they step aside and watch a real woman work?
55. i mean, i am not intimidated (see # 1)
56. but it is annoying none the less
57. even though it's satisfying when they prove my suspicions to be correct.
58. dumb ass broads
59. can't even front properly
60. scram nerds
61. is it wrong to want to set someone on fire?
62. i didn't say i was gonna do it.
63. Murder is bad. (chris i am not even changing this line because it flows perfectly with what i am saying here...)
64. But Dying because you are stupid isn't. (same here)
65. I need to stop over thinkin stuff
66. and worrying about stuff
67. especially stuff i can't control
68. i may need to get something pierced
69. i am feeling restless
70. i so don't want to go to work tomorrow
71. but i have to
72. cancer sucks
73. it really sucks
74. but my grandma rocks
75. and she is dope ( i had to get it from somewhere)
76. she is going to beat this thing
77. i love my nephews
78. i am nervous for my sisters
79. they had a fabulous example in my mother
80. i wonder what kind of parent i will be
81. or if i will be a parent at all
82. i can't imagine being responsible for another human
83. i guess time will tell
84. i am actually starting to feel better
85. i haven't really said or shared anything profound
86. or revelatory
87. but the anxiety is subsiding
88. why did michael jackson completely lose his mind?
89. i wonder if he ever looks in the mirror and say wtf?
90. when is he going to disclose how he REALLY turned white?
91. and why?
92. i wonder if he thinks he looks normal
93. or that no one notices he doesn't have a nose
94. and wtf was lisa marie thinking
95. i love his music though
96. and prince
97. prince is the ish
98. i heart him
99. i think i might actually feel sleep approaching
100. uhg... false alarm... i yawned and sleepiness left
101. til next time...

the big c...

2008-06-25T11:46:00.000-04:00

as in cancer... apparently my maternal grandmother is going to start chemotherapy today. i had no idea. and ever since i found out last night, it's been echoing in my head. cancer. why now? why my grandma? i mean, i have always been kind of expecting it because my mom's side of the family has a bad history of cancer but i never really thought about it conciously. what's really crazy and weird is that for like the past 3 or 4 months i have just had a feeling about my grandma. i can't really describe the feeling but it was just like i had a feeling something wasn't right but i kept brushing it off thinking i am crazy. and i didn't want to be likw wishing something bad on her if that makes any sense. the prognosis is actually pretty good but i am can't stop thinking what if. it hits me at the oddest moments. i'll be fine and then out of no where it just pops back up... cancer...
it sucks worse that it is my maternal grandmother because she is the ONLY grandparent i was ever close to in any way. my maternal grandfather, i never knew... he died when my mom was young and i've never even seen a pic of him. my paternal grandfather passed away on Christmas day a few years ago. I do have some good memories of being in Jamaica with him... he worked in the sugar cane fields and i remember him cutting stalks of sugar cane and stripping them for us to chew. and i recall going to the river with him... and having to bathe in a washpan. now my paternal grandmother... i don't really have any emotional attachment to her other than what i would feel for any old person. i feel so guilty because if i heard she had the big c, i don't think i would care as much... does that make me a bad person? probably but it is honest. my paternal grandmother (grandma 2) lived in the bronx in NY. a scant 2 hour drive away and i can not recall 1 time where she ever came to visit us or called to say happy b-day or merry christmas. she just wasn't a grandmother to me or my siblings or my cousins... she was never a good mother to my dad and maybe i have some resentment because of that. i don't know... but what i do know is my maternal grandmother (grandma 1) lived in Canada.. a whole different country... and she would take the greyhound to Philly and visit us in the summer. she would take me and my cousin on my dad's side to stay with her in Canada for a few weeks. she mailed us Christmas gifts and B-day gifts... and i know being a grandma is about more than gifts. but grandma 1 is there. she is always there for every graduation. for holidays. she calls us and tell us she loves us. she is eccentric and weird but she is reliable and constant. when she calls me, she asks about every single one of my friends that she has ever met... she asks about their kids... and it's genuine. she asks about my dad's side of the family. i just love her so much and i so appreciate the love she shows us. she is extraordinary so i'm sure she can beat this. i am keeping the faith. and i am making sure i take a trip to Canada soon to spend some time with her.

Costa Rica Dreamin'!!

2008-06-24T09:24:00.000-04:00

I love Nas! I heard him being interviewed on the radio this morning and it reminded me why i love him. he is not the average dumb rapper. the boy got some sense... i mean that has always been evident in his lyrics but *sigh* i heart him.

next...

i will probably be going to costa rica in feb. i am excited!!! as sooooon as i get back from florida, i am gonna have to start paying on costa rica... like asap cuz it's definitely not cheap. here is the resort

i am stoked!!
i definitely wanna do the canopy tour because it looks like it would be fun... i'm just scared a spider monkey might attack me... or some giant tarantula... hmph

i'm gonna do it!!!

here are some pics of costa rica... i'm gonna be broke but it is worth it.

i need sleep

2008-06-23T08:18:00.000-04:00

so... i'm kind of a jerk. but before i get to that, let me talk about the weekend events...

friday night, i went over pink shoes/scrabble girl's house... i made salsa (which was delicious btw) and we ate tacos and drank beer and shots of patron... good times.

saturday... OMG...
my day started at 6 am when i woke up to get ready to see my cousin compete in a triatholon. his age group started at 8:07 and he finished at approx 10. swim 2 miles, bike 15 miles, then run 5k (approx 3.5 miles). I am so proud of him. so i was all inspired when i was there like "YEAH i'm training and i'm gonna do it with you next year"... then i realized i really don't swim that well. and i wouldn't even know where to begin as far as training goes. i might look into it though because i am thinking that will be a great way to get in shape.
ok after the triatholon, i went to a music conference from 11:30 -3 and that was an excellent workshop. it was at my church for those of us in the music ministry and i did take a lot from it.
AND my lil sis had her baby... a lil boy she named Israel and he was 6 lbs 5 oz of joy. a sweet lil baby. i am so excited for her and nervous for her at the same time.

sunday: went to church and came home... i really tried to go back to the hospital to visit lil sis but i couldn't. i was so exhausted.
but now onto why i am a jerk

so for those of you that haven't figured it out yet.... new crush is chris. we literally talk ALL THE TIME. like for hours and i love him... he is great. so we have talked about a lot of the things we have been through in prev relationships and i know he has had people tell him things that they didn't seem to mean or that they didn't back up with their actions... you know the same stuff we all go through. so i wanted to do something special for him and since we email and talk on the phone all the time, i decided to write him a letter. i think that i more personal and i knew he would appreciate it which he does. so he showed it to one of his good friends and i kind of got upset. i'm not even really sure why i got so upset. but i feel terrible about being upset now. it really isn't that serious. i thought i felt like blogging about it but now i realize i really don't so i am gonna stop here.

maybe more later

well...

2008-06-17T10:09:00.000-04:00

if i have to go to another graduation, i may have to slit my wrists... just may. uhhhhhhh boring. i mean i am excited for the graduates but hearing people's names being butchered for hours is not my idea of fun.

so my parents were stuck in traffic yesterday for hours because apparently someone tried to jump off of the Delaware Memorial Bridge yesterday... like why?
anyway, my dad says: they should have just let him jump.
so i said: well he didn't really want to do it because if he did, there wouldn't have been enough time to talk... climb over the barrier and jump... what's with the hold up??
daddy: and why did he have to pick rush hour to do it? that was rude. i just want to get to where i'm going.
me: **laughing hysterically**
my brother: ya'll are ignorant.

then i felt bad... i guess i do have a morbid sense of humor but i mean seriously... why rush hour?? you must have wanted someone to stop you. i mean i have never been suicidal so it's hard for me to understand that frame of mind but i would think if i was going to do it, i would just do it and get it over with. i don't want to seem callous or insensitive because i do have pity and a sincere sadness for people who really feel like they have no options. i can't imagine being in such despair... but being the contradictory person that i am... i still found some humor in it... i know i am a bad person...

so i have been pondering something... when do i stop caring what other people think or will think about something? i mean at the end of the day i am the only one who has to deal with the consequences of my choices... whether they be beneficial or detremental... i know this but it is still so hard for me to throw caution to the wind and just say eff it. like i really don't want to disappoint anyone... especially my family and friends who were there for me through my roughest patches. the very people that just want the best for me and don't want to see me hurt.... again.... and if i do get hurt again, they will be the same ones there to help me pick up the pieces... but where do i draw the line? When do i stop letting people's opinions dictate my life?

I'm coming home again like Kanye.... in 17 days

2008-06-16T11:45:00.000-04:00

sooo it's monday and i am falling asleep at my desk. this is so completely wack. But i did thoroughly enjoy myself in Chicago this weekend. met up with chris and had a swell time. i so can't wait to go back. well.... i might as well spill it. that is where i will be 4th of July weekend... back in Chi-town... and i am so not looking forward to dealing with the airports again. Friday after work, i drove straight to the airport and checked in... everything was pretty much smooth sailing. then my flight gets delayed.... then it gets delayed again. torture. i was supposed to leave Philly at 8:40 and didn't end up boarding the plane until 11:30. i wanted to stab myself in the eyes with coffe stirrers... the flight itself was cool, relatively short...
saturday went shopping and picked up the limited edition vera wang princess. i love it! i didn't like the original Princess... a lil too sweet for me... but this newer version is great! hmm... oh yes and i ate at Chipotle.... never even heard of it before but my friend (we'll call her america) was adamant that we eat there... and it was pretty darn tasty if i say so myself!

So i know i never mentioned where i was going 4th of july weekend, just that i was going out of town... well i'm going back to Chicago. I have been kind of careful about say too much about the new crush for various reasons but i think it's probably obvious now who it is.... however, i still won't say definitely! LOL! I'll be back in the Chi in 17 days... woo hoo!

R. Kelly... acquitted??

2008-06-13T16:00:00.000-04:00

i mean... i saw part of the tape... and the part i saw looked like the r-ah. but according to his jury of peers, it wasn't him. kels was always sticking to his story like shaggy... it wasn't me. "But i seent (yes seent) you nukka!!" "IT WASN'T ME!!"
i guess ia m not surprised he got acquitted... the alleged victim and 3 of her family members said it wasn't her... even though 4 of her family members said it was...

here is the story...

i can't wait for the boondock episode about this here...
for those of you that never say the boondocks take on the trial...

my new summer drink

2008-06-13T15:10:00.000-04:00

Three Olives Cherry Vodka and Red Bull with three maraschino cherries for affect....

mmm mmmm.... delicious!

tgimff!!

2008-06-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

i am so effin annoyed with Solstice Boutique. I bought these Gucci sunglasses from there for $289 and a screw came out and these effers won't fix them... even though i have a supposed lifetime warranty... i don't have the receipt so they won't fix them. all i need is a friggin screw... it can not and should not be that serious. bastids.... i am so aggravated... i won't be buying anything else from them... losers. so for everyone that is saying "how much??"... it was an emotional purchase. it was right after i busted too short with some chicken and it made me feel better. retail therapy!!

I am dumb excited about my trip this weekend... it's gonna be short but it's nice to get away... and i have never been to chi-town. don't really know what i am gonna be doing yet other than the graduation on sunday but still very much looking forward to it. I may have a very interesting post when i get back... we shall see!

shuffle deez.....

2008-06-12T13:33:00.000-04:00

ripped from chris...

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your iPod/ music player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
This Is My Heart- Boyz II Men

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
If You Don't Know Me By Now- Teddy Pendergrass

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sucka For Love- Danity Kane (I am a little ashamed to have Danity Kane on my iPod but that is funny)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Ters In Heaven-Eric Clapton (shut up)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Johnny Was- Bob Marley

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Lovestoned- Justin Timberlake

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Go- Mario

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
O Come- Israel and New Breed

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Hold Me In Your Arms- Whitney Houston and Teddy Pendergrass

WHAT IS 2+2?
Somebody's Gotta Do It- The Roots

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Wind- Conya Doss

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Half A Chance- Angie Stone

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Beautiful Me- Donnie

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Shining Star- Earth Wind and Fire

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sweet Love (I Just Don't Know)- Conya Doss

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Dirty Diana- Michael Jackson (LMAOOOOOOOO)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Follow My Lead- 50 Cent/Robin Thicke

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Need him Now - Izzy

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Pork Chops and Onion Gravy- ?? (baltimore Club Music mix- DOUBLE LMAOOO @ this one... that is hilarious)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I care 'Bout You- Milestone (Soul Food Soundtrack)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
7th Heaven - Vanity (The Last Dragon Soundtrack)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
In This For You- Chrisette Michelle

ok what can i say other than i am weird... wtf? this was pretty entertaining though... thanks chris

BIG UP TO ALL MY HATERS!

2008-06-09T10:50:00.000-04:00

I have to start this post by addressing my haters. YES I am better than you. I'm cuter than you, I'm smarter than you, and most importantly, I have a little thing called a personality and self-esteem AND pride. go ahead and size me up... but do so knowing that you are only going to feel worse about yourself in the end.

thanks

okay now that that is out of the way...

it is hot as hell today. like seriously i woke up at 7 am and it was already 84 degrees. that is soooooooo uncalled for. and to make matters worse, my air conditioning is not working correctly. it is just barely cooling my apt. like it makes it comfortable as long as you are not moving around too much. I told the maintenance guy and it is supposed to be fixed today. if i go home and it's not... someone is going to get mollywhopped.

so i go to chicago this friday... i am excited. never been so i'm really looking forward to it. i am going to try my hardest not to get into any trouble while i am there... we'll see...

so one of my sis had a baby shower yesterday and my ex-friend diddy (the one who i had a big falling out with about 2 years ago) showed up. she actually paid me the balance of the money i owed her. I am still kind of in shock. i wasn't expecting it at all... especially since one of our last conversations i told her to just keep the money as long as she never talks to me again... lol. i'm glad she paid me though. i soooo needed that money right now.

i think i am going to costa rica in feb.... i hope no one kidnaps me and sells my organs on the black market. hmmmm

that's all for now.

TGIF!!!

2008-06-06T09:46:00.000-04:00

one of the worse feelings, in my opinion, is that moment right after you take a sip of something and right before you swallow, you realize it's not your drink.... absolute torture. this happened to me a few months ago at a Phillies baseball game. we were tailgating in the parking lot... bbq-ing hot dogs and burgers and drinking beer. it was a beautiful day and a good time. i put my Corona on the trunk of a car to take a group picture...

then i go to the car and pick up a corona and take a nice healthy swig... and realized mid-swig, "this shit ain't mine!"
my throat locked down on me... i couldn't swallow and was busy looking for somewhere to spit it out that wouldn't completely gross out my friends... and someone snapped a pic of me looking crazy...

i finally found somewhere to spit and i had a slight panic moment until i found out is was my friends and then everything was ok. i mean i don't make it a habit to drink after people but i was relieved is was my friend and not some random yuck-mouth...

it's supposed to be hot as the dickens in the philly metro area this weekend. i am soooo not looking forward to it...

maybe i'll post something else later...

the song i have on repeat on my ipod right now is Jazmine Sullivan "Break My Little Heart"

pretty random

2008-06-05T09:42:00.000-04:00

i had the most bogus dream last night. i have all these trips coming up and i think i am starting to get travel anxiety or something. anyway, in my dream, i was at the airport and was at the wrong gate had to haul it to the right place and the plane was about to leave me. then we land and i go to baggage claim and i have the wrong suitcase. there is all this humidity and my hair turned into a poofball... then i get to the hotel and i didn't pack anything useful... like i forgot all my hair stuff and face stuff... no toothbrush. i was soooooo annoyed int he dream. so i woke up and made a list of things i need to make sure i pack... trip number one to chicago for my friends graduation is in 8 days... then i come home for two weeks and get right back on a plane for 4th of july weekend, then i come home for another two weeks and am off to disney world.

so i guess it's time for a crush update... everything is.. well... swell. it's still int he gooey sweet stage and i am loving every second of it. so far this dude seems to encompass what i have been looking for. still new though, so we'll see what happens...
isn't weird when you spend time with someone new and it's like who the heck did i talk to b4 i met you? i honestly can't remember when this person was not in my world and it's not that long ago... just seems like he's been there forever... weird

i can't wait for the weekend, i don't really have anything planned but it will be 2 whole days i don't have to go to work...

some random ponderings (from discussions last night):
sode or pop? (i say soda)
hoagie or grinder or sub? (hoagie)
caramel pronounced car-a-mel or car-mul? (carmul)
caribbean pronounced ca-rib-BE-an or ca-RIB-be-an?

sometimes i think i am retarded

2008-06-03T12:15:00.000-04:00

so, my passat has been out of commission due to an engine problem and i have been borrowing my little brothers truck. now his truck is like a 95 explorer... old and loud and just doesn't look like anyone should really be driving it. that's not why i'm retarded though... why i am retarded is because... well... let me explain it like this...

so i took the truck to my parents' house so my bro could replace the brakes for me. he ended up being outside for a while messing with the radio, checking the oild and what not. he comes in the house and said he is all done. i go outside to leave and lo and behold the air conditioning is on blast.
so i say "hey (brother), you fixed the air too??"
and he says, "Uh yeah... i fixed it like last year."
so i said, "are you serious?"
and he said, "yeah. you didn't know the air worked?"
me,"NO! SO I'VE BEEN DRIVING AROUND IN A HOT ASS CAR AND THE AIR WORKED ALL THIS TIME?!?!?"
him, "you didn't try it?"
me, "heck no, i just assumed it didn't work so why bother..."

THAT is why i feel retarded! LOL! i mean seriously, why the heck didn't i just try the air to see if it worked. i'm slow sometimes...

so i was reading somewhere that doodles have meanings... like what you doodle has some correlation to personality traits or something... i dunno. but i tend to doodle the same things repeatedly... lips, eyes, hearts, flowers, and my name... dumb stuff. i wonder what, if anything, that means about me?? hmmm
here is a page from a pad i doodle in at work... pretty boring ( i took the pics my phone so they are dark). anyone care to psycho-analyze?

tgif

2008-05-30T12:51:00.000-04:00

i was having a discussion about poetry last night with the new crush... (i don't know if new crush even applies anymore since it's been a while now and we are officially a couple, but whatever). so we were just talking in general and I shared my favorite poem of all time. It's called No Second Troy by William Butler Yeats... and i know this sounds nerdy but i love one line in particular which i will make bold...

No Second Troy
William Butler Yeats

Why should I blame her that she filled my days
With misery, or that she would of late
Have taught to ignorant men most violent ways,
Or hurled the little streets upon the great.
Had they but courage equal to desire?
What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern?
Why, what could she have done, being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?

so that confirmed my nerdiness but what can i say. i was just sitting here wondering why i like this poem so much but it just seems so passionate to me... in a subtle way... and subtlety goes a long way with me... in a lot of areas.

like i think being subtle is much sexier than just being brazen. for instance, i think a certain look from across the room or an unexpected caress is so much more intriguing than someone just saying something blatant. now don't get me wrong... there is definitely times when aggression is necessary... when i need someone to just grip me up and have their way. but in general i think subtlety is key. Is that a female thing? like i think lingerie is sexier than just blatant nakedness... i don't know. i think guys are probably the exact opposite.. hmmmm maybe i'll take a survey

AAAAAHHH!!!

2008-05-29T14:19:00.001-04:00

i am so cringing right now...
i was just busted singing at my desk... torture!!
i told you guys i have stage fright... YIKES...
so i am sitting here on break doing a sudoku puzzle (i LOVE them)
and i have my lil ipod on my desk playing... the truth by india.arie was on and it makes me think of the new crush and i was really concentrating on my puzzle so apparently i started singing a little louder than normal. and my cube neighbor stopped what she was doing and was listening... this is the 2nd or third time this has happened. i am so embarrassed. you think i would learn after the first time but when i am not paying attention i just get in a zone. so she was like, "i didn't want you to know i was listening because you sounded nice." then proceeds to ask the other neighbors if they heard me. now i am on a mission to not sing loud in here again... torture.

and why the eff does it smell like dead fish soaked in ammonia in one of the bathrooms here at work. not fresh and clean ammonia but yuck somebody probably has some ish they need to go to the doctor about ammonia. like seriously, you are grown... GROWN!! there is no one employed here under 18 and most are over 25 so wtf?? if you go to the bathroom and pull your draws down and your eyeballs start to water from the fumes, that shit is not normal. if the person in the stall next to you starts choking on the smell, take yo' ass to the girly doctor and get scraped... douche with bleach... something but please, for the love of God, do not let that ride. oh that mess gave me an attitude.

the end

i quit! and other stuff

2008-05-28T10:55:00.000-04:00

so it's not like i expect to get paid and not do any work... seriously, i know i get a paycheck to provide services. but this is getting ridiculous... back to back calls all day is not cool... EVER! can i live? can i breathe? can i get a few minutes between calls to check my email and my myspace?? can i get a chance to post something on here. sheesh... the nerve of these people! HA HA!
just kidding... well sort of. it's days like this that i miss my old job where i literally did nothing for 2 years. i mean i didn't really make a whole money either... my salary is triple what i was making back then but i could take a two hour lunch and be the shiftless negro i enjoy being without anyone bothering me. this is why i need to be independently wealthy... and do lunch... and buy shoes to my lil heart's content.

hmmmmm

soooo i work with the kid... he is completely obnoxious... like totally and completely annoying. but he is my buddy... i often refer to him as an annoying little brother even though he is about 2 or 3 years older than me. we became cool because i thoroughly enjoy his wardrobe choices... well anyway this kid (let's call him white boy) sits directly across from me but a few rows over. he sends me texts and im's all day saying i can see you... i'm staring at you... look up. just dumb stuff and our office joke is that he is in love with me so he makes it a point to hug me everyday even though it annoys the bejeezus out of me... so anyway this chick (we'll call her the pirate) sits in the row in between us and she actually gets jealous. i mean she is screwing him so i understand but seriously no.... me and the kid joke and he is obnoxious but has a colorful wardrobe which makes me happy. i can dig a stylish person... male or female. anyway, the pirate just shot me the look of death through her one good eye (hence the name pirate)... the old liz would have had half a mind to flirt with him just for spite but alas i am not mean anymore... licky for her. so the kid was at one of the bbq's i went to this past weekend and he did what he does and grabbed me in a bear hug and wouldn't let go so i was squirming and he was not trying to let go and eventually we fall on the kitchen floor... my homegirl d-money has pics of the entire debacle. i will post them once she emails them to me.

in other news...
my cousin mad at me because i won't co-sign his foolishness. he is my man-whoring cousin of previous blog posts. one of my friends was his main side jawn (jawn is philly slang for... well... kind of for anything but in this case it means chick) for years... YEARS! and she has so much going for her... we'll call her blue-green. so bluegreen has a career and is so cute and stylish and such a big heart... a few stuck up tendencies but nothing outrageous. and she FINALLY kicked my cousin to the curb as he is still with his fiancee/baby momma... and he don't know how to act. so he tells me to tell her that he said he misses her and he thinks about her all the time. i said hell no. he proceeded to tell me how i am a bad cousin and i am supposed to look him out blah blah blah. so i had to put him in his place and let him know if he needs me to run up in somebody's mouth i am bout it but i am not gonna knowingly get MY FRIEND back involved in some foolishness. i am so annoyed. he doesn't want to be with her like exclusively but he doesn't want her to be with anyone else either... selfish

and last but not least i have to address hateration...
so i tell a friend about my new crush situation... and this dude had good advice but had to pepper it with a lil haterade... i mean we did have a thing YEARRRRRRS ago and he has stayed a good friend, is married with kids but everytime i tell him about a new love interest, there is always that like thing... that i'm about to rain on your parade thing... sometimes i just need you to say i'm happy for you. i understand his concern... i really do but the last comment was "He’s a young buck, so he may get restless after a while. things are always good in the beginning. Normally it takes at least 6 months to see someone’s true colors." uhhhh... gee thanks. effer

shoes, shoes, and more shoes...

2008-05-27T20:33:00.000-04:00

soooo i love these shoes. they are bcbg daja nude patent leather pumps... $210.00... i think i have to have them. i saw them and tried them on in Atlanta back in Feb. yes i must have them! now i know they look plain but they are the hotness on. i have like 12 ways i would hook them up!

and these make me happy. they appeal to a darker side of me... but they are Christian Louboutin mad mary studded heels and $865

and in suede

okay so these just need to be on my feet... gianmarco lorenzi... $779.00

these too!! alessandro dell'acqua and $898

needless to say the bcbg's are prob the only ones i can realistically get any time soon. but i love them all!

mmm lemonade....

2008-05-26T11:14:00.000-04:00

so the new crush is going well... almost too well. we want the same things, believe the same things, are both passionate and imaginative. the conversations are so great... soooo not boring. like seriously, where has this kid been all my life? now i know it's always great in the beginning but this is different somehow. either this guys has phenomenal game or he is the real deal. i guess time will tell. but i can say this. this is the first time since i was with the ex fiancee, that i feel such a strong connection. it's the first time in a loooooooooooong time that i can't wait to talk to someone again. and i want him around all the time. like even when i am doing everyday stuff, just driving around, if i see something that makes me smile, i always wish he was there to share it with me. that is the FIRST time that has ever happened to me. i've never ever thought about someone like that. like last night for instance, i went out with my cousin and a few friends to this reggae night in philly. we went to a place called cavanaughsriverdeck and it is basically a club set up on a pier on the Delaware River. it was a beautiful night and the sky was clear, there was a light breeze but the water was calm and there was a beautiful view of the bridge and i was standing there kind of moving to the music, i stopped and wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes and just wished he was with me in that moment, just to enjoy the night and the view. pretty corny i know... but i can't help it.

i really hope this works out. i am so over meeting people that don't know what they want. or who are not an the same page as me... not equally yoked so to speak. and i hope this works out because dude seriously woke up feelings i have long buried. i feel hopeful and excited and bold and sexy and all the things a woman should feel. he makes me feel like he will take care of me and protect me when i am vulnerable, applaud me when i am strong... the cheesiness never stops...haha
but i am serious. it's a lot to feel about someone i've only been really talking to for about a month... but we kind of new each other before that for a few years i guess, just never really talked. so that is how i rationalize it in my head. and he is funny, like really really funny... and smart. and pretty much a great guy.

stay tuned... we'll see how this one goes...

bored

2008-05-22T13:27:00.000-04:00

memorial day weekend and i have nooooooooo plans...
i figure there will be some bbq's somewhere for me to crash... just haven't heard anything yet. a lot of people in my neck of the woods go down the shore (jersey speak for going to the beach) for mem day. it's too cold for that shyt though... nah buddy. it has to be 85 or more for me to go down the shore. damn that.
my lil sis is graduating from college today. i am so proud of her. not sure what i am gonna get her as a gift yet but i think maybe a ring or a necklace or something.
maybe i can con my parents into bbq'ing for her tomorrow.

my foot tattoo is healing up. it looks a lil crazy right now but i can tell the end result will be hot!

i think i want to do something to my hair... not sure what yet but maybe just cut about an inch off... we'll see.

well i am off to get ready for the day! have a good weekend everyone! burnt hot dogs for everyone :o)

Summertime...Gershwin not Fresh Prince

2008-05-21T09:22:00.000-04:00

"summertime
and the living is easy
fish are jumping
and the cotton is high..."

not sure why that song is in my head right now... maybe because i was just thinking about how packed this summer is going to be....
i have a lot of trips planned and trying to squeeze some smaller ones in as well.

june 13th going to chicago for a few days for my homie's graduation
june 27th going to baltimore for the weekend
july 3rd- going away for 4th of july weekend (looking forward to this one the most)
july 14th going to disney world for the week

that's it so far but i am excited.

"summertiiiiiiiiime...

what I love most about summer is the warm weather and just the renewal that comes with it. i feel like i am breaking out of a shell i have been in... some sort of winter funk. now that i am typing this, i wonder if new crush has anything to do with it?
whatever the reason, this feels great. the only way i can explain it is i feel like i am breaking away an outside layer i had on. peeling off the armor... it's refreshing... like... lemonade (inside joke)

"and the living is eeeaaaaaaasy..."

i see myself turning a corner. maybe the worst is behind me and there are better days ahead. hope is a great feeling. i don't really expect life to be easy... i know you have to work hard for everything worth having, but i think i will be enjoying the work a little more going forward. we'll see...

yes... we shall see...

2008-05-20T11:09:00.001-04:00

i just found out a good friend's dad died on sunday. i literally feel sick over it. it was pink shoes/scrabble girl... those of you that read this back in the day know i have had my shares of ups and downs with this chick but at the end of the day i love her and definitely have her back. i feel so sad for her. she was extra extra close to him. and it was expected but unexpected. he just found out he had cancer like maybe 3 months ago....

so i'm smitten...

2008-05-19T18:11:00.000-04:00

out of the blue... TOTALLY, COMPLETELY unexpected!! I have no idea how it happened, but i officially have a crush on someone. a new crush... a 16 year old, high school, you hang up no you hang up no you hang up, smiling all day, butterflies in the tummy, is this for real type of crush. i almost don't even want to blog about it because i don't want to jinx it... but it is completely irrational. i'm not gonna disclose the details because i am not ready for the criticism... if one of my friends told me the scenario as it is i would tell them they were smoking them tweeds. but i am happy. happy like i haven't been in a loooooooooooong time. i'm hoping for the best but trying not to expect too much. key word is trying... less expectations less chance for disappointment.

who am i kidding....

i am smitten!!

Dopeness Personified

2008-05-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

Soooo apparently I am dope. I always thought so, but others are starting to see it too. Heh heh heh…
It’s nice to be complimented from time to time. It’s nice when someone “gets” you. It’s nice when it’s someone totally unexpected…

I don’t have too many regrets in life. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and even the worse situation can be a learning experience, therefore, not something to regret. HOWEVER, I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach right because of a conversation I had last night.... which, ironically enough, I regret having.... Uhhhhhhhhg torture….. I feel naked, exposed, vulnerable, silly…. I’m not even gonna go into too much detail but I have got to figure out how to feel better about this. Long story short, I bared my thoughts, feelings, emotions … still not sure why… I wasn’t looking for advice... there was no desired outcome... And I don’t feel better now that it’s out there. I feel worse. I’m tired and cranky and annoyed. I am ready to move forward with my life though. Of that, I am certain. I am tired of being stagnant emotionally, of barely moving an inch in any direction. I have to pick a direction and go for it. Full speed ahead. No stopping… do not pass go, do not collect $200… I am serious. Makes me want to just pick up and leave everything behind but I know that is not the answer. I actually feel a little bit better now that I typed this… even though it probably makes absolutely no sense to anyone but me. Yeah I feel a little better… maybe the tide is turning afterall…

oooouuuuuch!!!

2008-05-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

maaaaaaaaannnn... i got my second tattoo last night... i know that was soon but my first healed up with no problems, didn't really hurt so i was ready. THIS may REALLY be my LAST ONE! i got it on my foot.... never again. i am still in pain. torture...
but it is very cute... see

why did the chicken cross the road....

2008-05-07T13:42:00.001-04:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

just another day

2008-05-04T23:33:00.000-04:00

i am going to refrain from blogging about the arteest right here because i have to get my thoughts together about the latest nonsensical thing that happened. i really don't even know what to say other than i am part annoyed and part amused.... that is suuuuuuch a weird combination of feelings that i can't even say anything else about it for now.

next

Ironman was GREAT!!! I loved it! such a good adaptation of the comic.

next

I went to Six Flags Great Adventure yesterday. it was cold and cloudy so not a lot of people in the park. I went on every roller coaster! I loved it! my faves... El Toro and Kingda Ka... craziness! good fun... can't wait to go back.

i'm losing my mind...

2008-05-04T20:49:00.000-04:00

a weird thing happened to me Friday morning. I woke up and the first thought i had was... brace yourselves... "I miss Hotsauce (the ex-fiancee)". Second thought was "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY??". then i thought about it. i don't miss Hotsauce the person but i do miss the relationship i had with hotsauce. i actually was feeling a little depressed about it. we had such a great relationship for so long... we did stuff together... fun stuff, corny stuff, boring stuff. we talked. he really was my best friend. I just feel like i am never gonna find that again. i mean it has only been 2 years since we broke up so i know that doesn't mean there is no hope in finding someone new. i just feel like the chances are slim. We would go to museums, all the new releases at the movies... on nice days, we would go to the park and shoot free throws... sit on the swings and talk and laugh. he didn't begrudge my nerd tendencies. didn't get mad when i watched the history channel or discovery... he wasn't put off by my quirks... i still don't know what happened to that relationship. now don't get me wrong... i in NO WAY want Hotsauce back, i do want to have a relationship like that again though. i want to love someone and i want someone to love me. not with conditions or restrictions, but with unconditional, passionate, romantic, uncompromising love. i want a relationship where i get as much as i give. i just don't know that i am going to find that. at least not anytime soon. and i know what they say, you'll find it when you least expect it or when you are not looking. but i don't know that i will ever be not looking or not hoping. I am getting used to being single, to going to weddings by myself, to going to the movies with my roommate, to having to hear about everyone elses relationships. One thing i will say, i am not willing to settle. i love intensely and completely and i deserve the same in return... the thing is, is there a man out there that isn't intimidated by all that is.... me??

maybe one day...

***disclaimer for the arteest in case he reads this... no i do not expect you to fill this position so DON'T TRIP! just disclosing some real stuff that goes on in my crazy head at times****

i can't sleep..... TORTURE!!!

2008-05-02T00:40:00.000-04:00

insomnia sucks balls!!!

that's all

I am on my Huey Freeman!!

2008-04-30T18:04:00.000-04:00

Ashanti can not sing. someone please make it stop!! the mouse-like whining is NOT CUTE! uhhhhhhg...
i mentioned how non-singing this chick is to the arteest and his response was
"well she's nice to look at"
my response to that was
"she's hairy"
him: "she is hairy... but still nice to look at... that kind of distracts from the non-singing!"
me: "she's alright... but no one is looking at her while in their car and her voice is grating"

somehow that conversation turned to alicia keys... and the arteest saying she has dude tendencies and she is tom boyish. which i agreed to but then pointed out that she has been softening it up. so he agreed but said he prefers tomboy girls because they are more real. He was saying someone in sneaks is more real than someone in heels. i said i thought that was a juvenile point of view. it actually turned into a pretty good debate/discussion. it eventually became a discussion about inter-racial dating and how from his experiences, the dudes that date white women exclusively, do so because black women gave too many problems or didn't want them. i am so sick of hearing this. it is a cop out. i said as much too. if you like a certain aesthetic, no one can fault you for that. Just admit you like how white chicks look. but don't say it is because black women are a handful. seriously, that is ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as women who decide they are no longer gonna date men because the last 3 dudes did them wrong. If you like cooch, or are curious about cooch, just say so... don't blame the last nigga. Cuz in truth, there is obviously something internal that is causing you to form relationships with the same type of person repeatedly. I recognize this in myself, i tend to deal with people that are not as stable as myself... i call it the "save the puppy syndrome". meaning, i am more attracted to people i can help than people who can help me. that causes me to deal with some losers. i have recognized that and am trying to do better in the future. but i am not gonna say i am never dating black dudes again because they are all worthless... that is completely immature and irresponsible. again, just admit you like "good hair" and no melanin. everyone has a right to like who they want. some people like tall, some like short... whatever. but i think it is silly. and maybe it is superficial of me to prefer someone saying they just like how white girls look but that is honestly how i feel. that makes more sense to me.
the arteest gave two examples of black dudes he knows that were "corny" back in the day and no black chicks wanted them so they both started dating white chicks. so i'm like why not try some chicks in another environment or circle. if you are constantly approaching the same type of chick (economically, socially, and mentally the same not racially), chance are you are gonna get the same result. why not expand your experience to include other segments of the population and see what happens then? and i say all that not to say black men should only date black women. believe me i have no problem with inter-racial dating. i believe everyone has a right to love who they want. but i just think it is juvenile and ignorant to discount all black women because you dated the 5 with the stankest attitudes.

i really could go on and on about this and all that is related
- like black women having emotional problems due to the black male not being present
- economic injustice. poverty has a lot to do with self esteem and self worth. and self esteem and worth are directly related to how one treats themselves and others.

it's just so much deeper but i am gonna stop now...
too many boondock episodes for me!!

ladies... i know you can identify... sorry fellas

2008-04-29T18:10:00.000-04:00

soooooooooooo, i bought six pairs of shoes this weekend. I was at macy's just passing the time until Harold and Kumar started and they were having a sale. AND i had an extra 20% off coupon!! i really do have a shoe fetish... but my younger sibs take my stuff all the time. that is how i justify my addiction. i don't know how many pair i have... maybe i'll count them up one day. i took pics of my new purchases... please disregard the pajamas and green sock on my other foot! ha!

Carlos Santana

Nine West

Carlos Santana again

Coach sneaks for the summer

Nine West

Steven by Steve Madden

on to other news....

i am feeling very Jamaican this week... like i have been really feeling my culture. not sure where this came from. i mean i have always been proud of being jamaican but i am really feeling it this week. maybe cuz i've been listening to sizzla and morgan heritage all weekend...hmmmm

spiders.... YIKES!

2008-04-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

I am terrified of spiders... like i can not deal with them at all. I hate beetles and ants too but spiders are what i am sho' nuff afraid of. Not sure why... there are just too many legs and eyes and what not. i happen to live in a very wooded area so there are plenty of creepy crawlies including spiders. this wouldn't be so bad except that my roommate is scared of spiders too. anyway on my way home from work, roomie calls me and tells me that there is a spider the size of her fist on my bedroom wall. she said she was walking past the door and saw it on the opposite wall out the side of her eye. so i told her to kill it and she said she couldn't. so i was like ok i can handle it. I stopped at home depot and bought the biggest can of spider killer i could find. it said it killed on contact too which was good. I got home and the damn spider was still on the wall chillin. it was ginormous!! i was frozen at the door. couldn't move... could not get any closer. roomie gave me a pep talk and said she was right behind me and told me i could do it. so i inched my way in, can in hand, ready to kill this em-effer. i stepped on the bed so i could get close enough to spray it. I started spraying and that bastard JUMPED off the wall... since when do spiders jump? I jumped off the bed and made for the hills! i ran out the room screaming the whole time. roomie failed to mention it was a ninja spider well versed in the black arts... where was roomie you ask? good question... i thought she had my back but when that thing jumped, she was out the room before me! LOL! then she came back and was like you have to kill it! come on lets go back, you can do it. so i pumped myself up... telling myself i am bigger than the spider and it can't hurt me. meanwhile, a vision of a gang of ninja spiders coming out from under my bed and attacking me to avenge their fallen brethren was running through my head. i went back in and sprayed THE BEJEEZUS out that spider. half a can gone! i won! but i am not beat to see another one anytime soon! i'm good on that one. i don't know about all that facing your fears stuff but i am NOT BEAT! I've been sleeping in the living room until i feel it is safe again. it is that deep.

penn relay weekend was a bust. it was cloudy and cool. rain here and there so i didn't bother going. i stayed home and on demanded the rest of season 2 of Dexter. I heart Dexter. my lil sis, the songwriter, (we'll call her tax lady since she works for the treasury) came down to go out sat night. i was all down to go but 1- i felt like crap and 2- my left hand felt like it was gonna fall off. so tax lady calls at like 10 p.m. and is like you sound like you are still asleep. which i was. so she starts giving me crap about never going out with her and blah blah blah. i had to shut it down. i felt like crap and my wrist felt like it was being gnawed of my arm by rabid ninja spider monkeys. i couldn't move my hand at all. had it wrapped up in a scarf because i didn't have an ace bandage and i didn't feel like spending a whole night in the emergency room. she got over it but then asked me could she borrow $20. n words.... she got to my house and i just gave her my mac card and told her go ahead and take $20 and just bring my card back. she was staying over my house so i also gave her my house key so i wouldn't have to let her in. she left around 11 and i went to sleep. exciting, right?
now for the annoying part. my cousin (code name: man whore) sent me a text at about 12:30 a.m. asking ... well i'll trancribe

man whore: where you at?
me: home
man whore: what you doin?
me: sleeping
man whore: oh i needed to borrow $50 til Monday. I can't get any $ off my card
me: well tax lady has my debit card so i can give it to you tomorrow
man whore: aw man i really needed it tonight

i didn't respond because what else was there to say. 1- i told you i was sleep, 2- i told you my sis had my debit card convo should have been over. what does this blackie do? he calls me... uhg.... convo went as follows

me: hello (in the sleep voice)
man whore: where is tax lady at?
me: out n-gga... what you want?
man whore: you don't know where she went? i really needed that money tonight
me: wtf? no i don't know where she is! she is out! at a club! i doubt she is gonna leave to go to a mac to get you money!
man whore: yeah i guess you are right, i just really...
me: (cutting him off) n-gga i am sleep and your beat? you sounding real crackheadish right about now. good night
*then i hung up*

is it me or is that some selfish inconsiderate ish? he was just trying to go out and do what he does best... whore... stay yo ass home if you ain't got no money but don't be harrassing me. i shouldn't have answered!

that's all for now...

oh and the new Harold and Kumar is pretty dang funny! the first one may be funnier but it was pretty hilarious!

thursday

2008-04-24T14:16:00.000-04:00

I recently got a tattoo. My first… a butterfly and the letter E on my right shoulder. It’s cute. I don’t know what made me finally get one… I had been playing with the idea for years but always figured I would regret it or I would fast forward 40 years in my head and picture wrinkled, saggy tats and change my mind. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis. Anyway, good news is I don’t regret it. Not yet anyway…

moving on...

Too short still hasn’t paid me… and I have FINALLY run out of patience. So “Operation Expose That Triflin Ass Nigga for the Bastard He Is” has officially commenced. I have tried so hard to be a nice person and not the angry lil short-tempered, devious ass chick I have the potential to be. But this fool has pushed me over the edge so he gets the wrath of Liz… not a good look for him. I am starting by putting him on blast. That means I am telling everyone that will listen how trifling he is. I will go to his group’s myspace and make sure I leave a comments and messages letting everyone know that he owes me a substantial amount of money that he refuses to pay. I am calling his mom (the main person he didn’t want to know that he was in a situation) and I am putting him on blast. Then I will be sending a letter demanding payment in full by the end of the week, which he will ignore of course. Then off to court we go. I have the emails and texts from him acknowledging and agreeing to the terms of the loan and payment. And then once I get my money, I may need to call the goons –aka- my cousins to eff him up. Just for GP

UHG!
That is enough about that…

So I think I may be a bad person and I don’t know how to deal with that. My cousin called me last night and was saying how a friend of the family’s husband was coming to America from Jamaica. Well he is illegal I guess, paperwork isn’t straight, and he somehow went to Bahamas first and was coming to America with some other illegals in a boat. The boat capsized and some of the people were partially eaten by sharks ( I am so not making this up). So why am I a bad person? Because I laughed. Like seriously laughed hard… like who gets eaten by a shark? Wtf? So my cousin goes on to say, “why the eff were they coming from Bahamas on a boat with no life jackets? Eff that! There is no effin way! I would need a life jacket!!” so I started laughing even harder! What is wrong with me? I mean I already know I have a weird sense of humor… I guess you can say it’s dark… but to laugh at someone’s demise is not right. And I am chuckling now as I type this… what does that say about me as a person? The only hope is that I do actually feel guilty about laughing!

Penn Relays this weekend… maybe I’ll meet a cutie! ***fingers crossed***

randomness at its best!

2008-04-22T18:36:00.000-04:00

So where do I even start....
hmm.....

oh let's start with nigga moments #2 and 3.
This past Friday was a BEAUTIFUL day... at least it was in the Philly metro area. Simply perfect weather. I had plans to go to a Phillies baseball game with the arteest (formerly known as "heart"). all was going well... i stopped at the mall to pick up a few gifts as my sisters baby shower was the next day and i had a kids b-day party to go to on sunday. anyway i still have the family hooptie as my passat is still being worked on. In true hooptie style, that bitch would NOT start when i was trying to leave the mall. like simply WOULD NOT start. I had taken a half day at work and everyone i knew was still at work... uhg... torture... i ended up calling the arteest and telling him to pick me up from the mall. not a huge deal but annoying none the less. turns out the battery was dead. that was moment #2. ok so let's move on. we get to the game and park. met up with some of my friends who were tailgating. had some beers some food and some good times.... til it was time to go into the game and i couldnt find the tickets. went back to the car... tickets not in the car either. i wanted to shrivel up and disappear! LOL! wtf?! so thank goodness i got the tix online so the stadium just reprinted them for me. that was moment #3. did i mention the arteest had to pick me up from the mall and take me all the way home to get the tix?.. and i left them. that is his fault though. why was it his fault? well because my apt was tore up and he came in and completely threw me off. i don't like people seeing my place a mess. and it was sho nuff tore up... uhg. so his fault for getting me all flustered. anyway all in all it was a fun night. i had a really nice time!

next!

so i direct my church choir (still don't know how that happened), and i am a mentor. I actually started a mentoring program and we started with the girls in my church. the mentors are each taking a turn helping with the youth ministry on friday nights. so one of the youth ministers (code name toes)kept telling me he wanted to talk to me. next friday is my friday to do youth night so i was assuming that is what he wanted to talk about. i saw him at prayer on monday night and i asked him what was up. so he said it was personal. so i got suspicious but i didn't ask any questions. i just high-tailed it out of there. anyway he texted me and asked if i had a minute. he called me and asked me if i thought it would be too weird for him to call me sometimes because he is basically trying to date. yall, he is 22. i am 28. i said it was ok for him to call because i didn't know what else to say. i mean he is not bad looking but i am just not really interested like that. that is weird to me. torture
so anyway i was discussing it with my homie (we'll call him b-more). b-more happens to be the arteest's cousin but he is my confidante... we talk all the time about all types of stuff and we go to same church. he was encouraging me to talk to toes. i was explaining why i wasn't interested in dating toes and one reason was because he irks me. reason he irks me is because he be having mood swings and what not. just weird in gereral. so b-more is like well the arteest irks you right? and you still talk to him. and then says that since i am supposed to be saved i shouldn't really be entertaining the arteest as he is not in the church and he smokes weed... everyday...
i was so annoyed that he even brought the arteest up as it is a totally different scenario and the arteest doesn't irk me anymore now that i know where we stand. so i ended up going on a tirade basically saying that yes i still talk to the arteest but we are friends. i don't have any expectations as far as that is concerned. i just take it for what it is. and when i had talked to b-more about being irked with the arteest it was because when i first met him last august he did everything right... was so sweet... we talked all the time... he seemed really interested... then as soon as there was some intimacy he shut me down and it turned into him not being ready for a relationship and that did irk me at the time. which is why i vented. but i processed and am over it. so i was double irked that b-more would even bring that up. i am not gonna talk to someone just for the sake of talking to someone. i am not short on admirers. it's not hard to find a "man" but the man i do choose to be with needs to be compatible with me and be bringing something to the table. now i am not dissing toes because he is a very good guy and i know he will make someone an excellent husband but i don't think it's gonna be me. the age alone is a turnoff. i barely want to talk to someone a year or two younger than me, much less 6. and the fact that i still socialize with the arteest has nothing to do with that because if i meet someone else that is looking for what i am looking for and is in my age range and is more of what i am looking for, i will be all about it.

and speaking of not being short on admirers... this guy i used to work with in my old dept. at verizon hits me up on sametime everyday. (sametime is lotus version of instant messenger).
he hits me up every morning and just says what up. that's it. it is so random
and if i make small talk just trying to see what he wants, the convo usually ends with him saying we should hang out. this happens everyday... every...... day..... he is about to get blocked because that is weird

next!

my lil sis is a poet/songwriter and she wrote a fantastic song... it's basically about relationships but it is written in terms of a chess game. i freakin love it. she wants me to learn it and sing it so that may be happening. yall, i can sing but i have serious stage fright. pray for me! LOL!

that may be it for now. hmmmm
yeah that's it. maybe i'll post some pics from my b-day party...

me and my sis the songwriter

me and pink shoes -aka- scrabble girl

making it rain

and

the subconscious is a mother effer

2008-04-05T00:59:00.000-04:00

If you know anything about Pisceans, we are supposed to be very intuitive. This is pretty true about me for the most part. Another trait of the Pisces is to be dreamers... both nocturnally and during the day. We tend to see the silver lining in every situation and see the best in people. we are loyal.... in my case to a fault. Now being the intuitive dreamer that i am, about 95% of the dreams thtat i have that i actually remember turn out to be of some significance.... which has caused me to start analyzing the dreams i remember to see what message (if any) is in it.

So I had this dream last night. It was very vivid but pretty short and to the point. Remember "heart"? I talked about him a few posts ago... well basically, i had a dream that he had some sort of classroom. don't know what was being taught (i don't think that is important to the dream). I came in the class a few minutes late, all dolled up, looking cute. There was only one seat available all the way in the back of the class. I walked to the desk all confident, head up, knowing I was the hottest thing walking. So I get to the desk and it is all cramped... the person sitting in front of me was so close, i had to sit sideways in the chair because there was no room between my seat and the one in front of it (don't know how this is possible with the desk but this is my dream and that's how it is). so i am sitting sideways and i have my bag on my lap and i am reading this book by raheem devaughn (again... i have no idea why i was reading a novel by raheem devaughn as he is a singer but whatever). now everything/everyone in the dream was gray, colorless... and i was very bright in contrast. i looked at my wrist and had on bright yellow bangles. so i looked up from my book and i saw some chick to the right of me sitting sideways in her chair as well (and she was also in color). and she was ice grillin me... just staring me down with the tightest face ever. in the dream i thought to myself, "why does this chick have an attitude??" so then i realize there was another chick to the left of me. "heart" was in the front of the class and i realized in the dream that we were all trying to get his attention. that's why i came in all dressed up. and the other chicks were waving their arms in the air trying to get him to look at them. so i realized he wasn't paying attention to any of us and in the dream i thought, "there is not enough room for me in here." but then i thought, "well there was this seat here, and i am in color (again i don't know what that means), but i refuse to put myself out there so i am not trying to get his attention anymore. I'm not competing, i'm better than that... I can do better than that." so i went back to reading my book.

and then i woke up out the dream.
so i listened to raheem's new cd today at work trying to see if i was gonna get some message but i was at work so couldn't really pay attention.

now this dream is bugging me for a few reasons...
1- wtf??
2- is this dream just an example of my psyche trying to cope with subconscious turmoil (dramatic, i know)? or is the cosmos trying to tell me something?
3- am i retarded for not knowing what i am supposed to do?

uhg who knows. i am gonna have to think on it some more....
but now i am off to sleep, lets see what my psyche, or the cosmos, brings me tonight.

very random... sorry

2008-03-05T22:42:00.000-05:00

ok time for an update...
i didn't fall off again (chris)
just been terribly busy....

still no money from too short. that loser

ok so Heart is back in my good graces again... i am such a sucker. like a big old charm lollipop...
but alas, i can not help myself. i like the weirdo.

my roommate is harrassing me because i haven't sent her a link to my blog. ha! she's lucky she even knows about it

i am anxiously awaiting the wire finale. the wire is OFF the HOOK right now. Michael is that dude... i heart him
and i'm mad about omar getting popped. real mad... and i am mad that kima ratted out mcnulty... even if he is a jerk off.

i am watching the project runway finale as i type. Christian better win... i know Rami BETNOT win... shoot.

big brother 9... anyone watch? it's a lil wierd this season. i can't really get into it.

okay they are about to announce the winner of project runway... and the winner iiiiiiiiiissssssssss
not jillian.. ok i'm cool with that
next... CHRISTIAN WON!!! YES YES! CAN YOU FEEL IT!! HUH! CAN YOU!
now what rami... you only got to show at fashion week on a fluke... beat it sucka!

sorry i'm back now. whooo

anyway i will post something better later!

i'm done

2008-02-13T11:58:00.000-05:00

i sent Heart a v-day e-card... here is the response.

From: Heart
Sent: 02/13/2008 10:38 AM

To: Jirzy
cc
Subject
Re: A Hallmark E-Card from

I don't celebrate all of these pagan holidays, especially (Spendmoremoneyonthatchick Day)! Sorry, I know that makes me whatever it makes me, but I really don't indulge in all of these "retail" holidays, except for as it pertains to the precious, adorable, sweet, and sugary love of my life (daughter's name). My anti-holiday committee apologizes in advance for any inconvienience this particular policy may cause. I hope you enjoy the celebration of Spendmoneyyoudonthaveonsomen***awhodamnsuredontdeserveand/orappreciatethatshit Day.

From: Jirzy
02/13/2008 11:22 AM

To: Heart
cc
Subject
Re: A Hallmark E-Card from

true... i figured as much BUT that card was funny and more importantly FREE!!!
so get a grip...
why does it have to be spendmoremoneyonthatchick day??
why can't it be designateddaytoshowsomeoneyoucareaboutthemsinceyoutendtoforgetwiththestressofeverydaylife day
and i try to surround myself with n-ggas that would appreciate a sentiment... maybe not doing such a good job huh

From: Heart
02/13/2008 11:34 AM

To: Jirzy
cc
Subject

You shouldn't need a day on the calendar be it Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Valentines day to act like you care about people. The fact that someone cares about me on Valentine's day rings real hollow with me. There are 365 opportunities a year to really show someone you care. Like I've always said, a simple gesture that is not tied to the pagan calendar means a lot more than the normal its such and such a day so let me do something........that's all....and stop taking stuff personal. I told you about me a long time ago. I have my eyes on a much bigger prize and my distraction factor has to be near zero right now. This is a CRITICAL time in my life and I have to stay the course. So far, so good.

From: Jirzy
02/13/2008 11:38 AM

To: Heart
cc
Subject
Re:

i agree showing you care should definitely not be limited to any particular day... but not everyone is naturally affectionate and not everyone is good at expressing how they feel... so there is nothing wrong with designating a day to make sure you remind someone they are important.
i'm not taking it personal but just as you voiced your opinion, i am voicing mine. that's all!!
i don't get the distraction comment though so please clarify...

ok so then i got annoyed and sent this

From: Jirzy
02/13/2008 11:51 AM

To: Heart
cc
Subject
Re:

i changed my mind... no need to clarify on the distraction factor comment.
i'm glad you are staying the course. i wish you the best... as i'm sure you know.
i hope everything works out for you...

I can't stand it... yes i did take it personal because it's not that deep... just say thanks for the card
uhg... i realize pms may have a big part to play in my annoyance but i am officially done and he get's deleted....

wtf??

eff you--- pay me

2008-02-11T17:13:00.000-05:00

When i was dealing with too short, i loaned him some money to get him out of a situation. so we had this long discussion ahead of time about him making sure he pays me back or else i would call the goons (aka my cousins) on him. Long story short he would pay me a little here and there... and when i say a little i mean a little... a few months had gone by without a payment so i called, got no answer, sent a text, got no reply, sent another text. then the next day i was bombarded with texts from him saying that he loves me and just because we don't speak doesn't mean he doesn't think about me... foolishness... and after the 5th text. I emailed him the following. *names removed of course* lol

________________________________From: jirzygurl
Sent: Wed 1/23/2008 12:59 PM
To: Too short
Subject:
there is so much i want to say and even though it's probably not gonna amount to anything i have to get it off my chest. pretty much you saying you still care about me or whatever means nothing because if it were true, i would be paid by now. i'm not even sweating the exact amount because it is not that deep. If you paid me the majority i would let the rest go. I am upset because i feel like you are not even trying. I loaned it to you because i cared about you and i knew you were struggling but i also loaned it thinking i would get it back once you started working.. 2 septembers ago... so excuse me if i don't believe all your flowery words but it just seems convenient that you still care about me when i am asking about my money. It just doesn't seem genuine and in all honesty, it doesn't even matter whether i care about you or you care about me. I have moved on. i feel like you just completely take me for a fool. i may be emotional and i may do too much for people at times but i am not an idiot. i am not just gonna swoon over you saying you still love me and be like oh ok forget about the money. niceness does not equal naivete. please don't try to play me.

"Too Short"
01/23/2008 01:24 PM
To Jirzygurl
cc
Subject
RE:
wow, thats a lot of words. I never meant for us to meet,use you, and then spit you out. Unfortunately thats what it seems you are saying. Im not trying to sweet talk you or hide the fact that there is still money to be given, So I wont say anything anyfurther. I truly apologize for any hurt that you may still be feeling, Ive given you money so the efforts have been there its just when things get a little troublesome Ive stopped. Thats not your concern so Regardless of the fact, You want your money and I want you to have it so I will start sending again.so thanks for the address. God Blessyou

From: jirzygurl
Sent: Wed 1/23/2008 2:02 PM
To: too short
Subject: RE:
i know it's a lot of words but i did feel like it needed to be said. of course i don't want to think the worse about you and i think i gave you the benefit of the doubt for a long time but there just appears to be a pattern. i can only go by what i see and as much as i may want to believe you are sincere i just have a hard time believing that. i'm sure if you looked at the situation from my point of view, you would understand where i am coming from

Too Short
01/24/2008 01:11 PM
To: Jirzygurl
cc
Subject
RE:
From my point of view, I am happy that I met you, I dont regret the time we shared, I pray for you and your happiness, and I hold no anger at all because you were great. I think you are a great person and deserve to be happy. Unfortunately you have a bad taste or thought about me, my interest,my purpose or how I handled things. However, I try to understand and review our relationship and I keep coming up with the same thing. My intentions we're sincere.

my nigga moment

2008-02-09T18:36:00.000-05:00

I ran out of gas for the first time in my life. it was funny. well maybe not funny but there is some humor to be found in every situation, right? anyway, I was rolling down the highway, steady talking on the phone, completely not paying attention... and my car (well my brother's car that i am borrowing) started slowing down and then came to a complete stop. i was able to make it over to the shoulder and i would have probably cried but my friend i was on the phone with assured me i could get road side assistance. so i called emergency and let them know the situation. a state trooper comes up and tells me roadside assistance stops working at 9 so i either had to find someone to bring me some gas or he was gonna have to call a tow truck. soooo i tried my friend i was on the phone with but she was 45 minutes away. I tried my roommate but she was an hour away... i tried my roommates brother and he was also an hour away so i swallowed my pride and called Heart... yeah well he definitely helped me out... came to my rescue. but was not at all pleased about it. i really feel bad but i was not paying a tow truck. but i hate being vulnerable or having to ask for help. but i definitely learned my lesson and will be checking the fuel gage much more frequently.

i have to go get ready to go to a b-day party. i am not beat but i feel obligated to go because it is for my god-daughter's mom......... i am feeling a tad anti-social.
if anything interesting happens, maybe i'll blog about it.

***update***
i really don't feel like going to this party... uhg
and i have a question.
Why am i disappointed with an outcome i was expecting?? i mean since i was expecting it, wouldn't that negate the whole disappointment part? i guess not....

yall this happens to me quite often which leads me to believe it's gotta be me. something is missing that keeps me repeating the same decisions with different faces.. ya know...

i hate that i even care. double uhg...

ALSO... i'm so glad some of my blog family is still out there. i am trying to see what i missed in 2007. jenny, can't wait to see what's been going on with My and everything else,
kiesha.. my pennsylvania pal. i always enjoyed you... gotta catch up.
g.cornelius... i need to see an "i'll keep you posted" in my comments ASAP!
jilly where did you go??? i NEED a dose of your poetry... like NEED... can i get a haiku or something??? argh
nona get back to work blogging!!!
jules???
chris???? how is the baby? where are you in cyberspace???
a.?? come back!

When the Liz is in the house... OH MYGOD

2008-02-07T22:07:00.000-05:00

so it's been a year... wow... so much has happened! I am still single... I am still at Verizon on my Sambo... I did finally get a room mate.... uhm.. so i'll elaborate on each one.

ok lets start with the singledom. i am still single and i still don't like it. I am not built for this. In all honesty, i can't stand dating but i like going on dates if that makes any sense. too short got cut off. it was a warm night in may and i cold busted him at a local sports bar with some chick. COLD BUSTED! and he was trying his darndest to act like he wasn't with her as she is all up in his face. so i just stood by and watched him squirm and when the chick leaves, he comes over to me talking about can i talk to you for a minute. yeah... how about no. so that was the end of that.

i did meet a young dude. 25... only 2 years younger than me. and he is cool. we still talk/kick it from time to time but he is a young dude and he does what young dudes do. irk me... he was trying so hard to be deep and i am like baby i am a grown woman. it is not that serious. sooooooooo he's not cut off cuz we are still cool but it will never be anything more than that.

i have a friend... this one is the one i care the most about. and he doesn't want to be in a relationship. which is definitely understandable and i am cool with that even though i heart him. (so we'll call him heart in this blog)

ok so on to work... verizon is paying black people. they make you earn every penny BUT in the year and a half that i have been in sales, my salary has tripled and i have gotten crazy perks. 2 tv's, a laptop, 2 digital cameras, countless gift cards, bakeware, mp3, all types of stuff. I love that company but i hate the customers. Please do not call the phone company about .10 cent on your bill. verizon is not stealing from you. the charges are legit. and if you get me on the line you are likely to be banged on. be forewarned.

my room mate situation is great. i am actually rooming with Heart's cousin. we are mad cool.. no beef. and we work together too. lol
we get along pretty great. and i was terrified of getting a roommate. we call ourselves apple scrapple. i'm apple she's scrapple.

hot sauce (the ex) is still married. Heart once asked me when was i going to get over him... who knows. i really think i am over him now because i can talk about the situation without being hurt or mad. i actually find humor in it now. But i think what a lot of people fail to realize i still mention him because he was a HUGE part of my life... Christ I was with the dude from the age of 17 to 26. long time. basically my whole adulthood.

only other thing new... blue steel... my car (it's a passat not a jetta) died,
so now i have my eye on an acura tl.

oh yeah and i am singing much more. i am actually directing my church choir (NO IDEA how that happened but i can't quit no matter how hard i try). and i am singing with another choir. I love to sing though and although i have stage fright, the Lord is dealing with me in that area.

this post is probably a mess but it is 1:52 in the morning, my eyes are crossing, and i have a slight migrain.

i'll try again. I promise not to disappear for a whole year again! LOL!

WHY OH WHY...

2006-12-08T13:36:00.000-05:00

DID THEY KILL BODIE ON THE WIRE????? and WHYYYYYYYY my boy michael the one that did it??? AND WHYYYYYYYYYY is comcast the devil for letting people on demand it early??????

Random is as random does

2006-10-18T18:07:00.000-04:00

I AM FINALLY FINISHED TRAINING!!!!!!!!!! woo hooooooo!!! took my last test today and passed. I am so glad to finally be done with training.

but my joy is not complete because my baby (My dog Lily) was hit by a car on Monday and died. my mom buried her for me and planted a flower bush over the grave... my insensitive ass cousins laughed at me for crying but she was really like my child and I miss her immensely. eff you if you don't understand.

My ex-friend Diddy (the chick with me in this funny ass incident) is crazy... well she is crazy for a lot of reasons but mainly because she moved to maryland with the dude she met on the internet (black planet of all places) and well I worry about her.

so I have decided to take a break on the whole dating thing. I am convinced that the philly metro area has NO available normal men my age so I am gonna chill and just see what happens. I am not brave enough or beat enough to try internet dating sooooooo I'll be happily single.

bytches are haters... so two girls in my training class apparently had a problem with me but couldn't tell me what it was. I asked them point blank and the one (who is 32 btw) was like oh let me think... WTF??? if you got beef with me what do you have to think about? to this day I don't know what their problem was so I chalk it up to jealousy. jealous of what? well I dunno... you can't really tell from this blog but I have a very BIG..... personality (LOL) and i guess some people misunderstand me. now the important thing is that I really don't give a damn. I just thought it was amusing that these broads were talking to me planning a shopping trip one day and then hating on me the next. whatever... I'm used to being hated on and it is usually by people that have their own issues. punkasses

I might be going to jail *smh*... those of u that read this back in the day when I actually updated regularly may remember my numeroud traffic court problems... well they are back.. same ish, different municipality! LOL! one of the few that I haven't been to in south jersey... humph.

ooooooh the MAC store in my local mall had some private shopping event that I got an invite to and the invite said FREE cocktails so I had to go! I was allowed to bring a guest so I brought my sometimes friend (pink shoes/scrabble girl) and we drank up they liquor! LOL! but I did get a Mahogony liner and Decorative Lustreglass. and some pigment I forget the name of but it is part of their new colors and it is hot to death.... I think I need to go out this weekend so I can wear it.

oh and WHY is VH1 giving New York her own show???? ANd more importantly WHY must I watch it! LOL! I am gonna hate myself but I must watch it!

men suck

2006-10-06T18:25:00.000-04:00

man.... I had to retreat from the world for a minute. so yeah my ex-fiancee is still getting married (that bastid) and his BYTCH actually had the nerve to step to me like I did something wrong. well correction... she said something slick out her car window but would not get out her car when she realized I was going to bundle her punk @ss. the ex is officially a p-word and a hairless one at that!! but that is another story altogether.

other than that... 2 short and I are retarded. I really like him even though he gives me his @ss to kiss 50% of the time. he is ignorant as h-ll and I can't stand it. like seriously I can't stand it but I like the lil nig so it's hard for me to stay away. I hate being single.

I ran into my crush from 10th grade the other day... we exchanged #'s... went out twice... seemed to hit it off but then I haven't heard from him since. he might be back with his baby momma... who knows. that shyt is shady though... he could have at least called a biatch. so what does that mean? was us hitting it off all in my head? did I scare him off talking about the big crush I had on him?? who knows... I HATE DATING!! why do we have to play these games?? why why WHY... if you like me and I like you why can't we hang out, have fun, and be real. ARGH!

other whack ass dudes I met:
1- colored contacts... ok I meet this dude in a club and he is really attractive and seems to be an ok dancer... so we meet up a few nights later at a different club and lo and behold... he was wearing some dayum colored contacts... now call me shallow but that is a bit suspect. and he tried to be TOO DAYUM DEEP at 4 am at the diner. it ain't that serious homey. uhg. he gets no calls

2-norf jerzee... so I meet this dude at a wedding and he was cute-ish. really nice smile. his brother called me and told me he wanted to take me out so I said what the heck... why not. yeah this dude is a fibber... well he seemed like a fibber... that is no good. he is an artist and a darn good one at that but he was way too into me and way too touchy feely. i was in two words---> not beat

why can't I meet someone in my age group that is not crazy, no kids (or only one over 4 yrs old), decent job or at least aspirations to obtain a decent job, who doesn't feel like playing the dating games that everyone other than me seem to enjoy so much?? oh yeah, also must not be afraid of crazy jamaicans because that is my whole family.

LAWD HELP ME!

*I am still homeless...
*i am stalked by losers and cornballs
*the dude i actually like has a phd in asshole-nomics and hurts my feelings at least once a week (albeit unintentionally 90% of the time but still)

argh